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Jokes of the day for Wednesday, 26 November 2008

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Wednesday, 26 November 2008

In a sex survey, the question ...

In a sex survey, the question was asked - "What are the three most popular things men do after sex?"

3. Turn over and go to sleep

2. Light up a cigarette

1. Go home to the wife
#joke #short
  • Currently 5.80/10

Rating: 5.8/10 (5)

Waiting...

Jim was startled to see the nonchalant way Jon was taking the fact that his lady love was seen with another man.

"You said you love her and yet you saw her with another man and you didn't knock the guy down?"

"I'm waiting," Jon said.

"Waiting for what?" asked Jim.

"Waiting to catch her with a smaller man."

#joke
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

SLIDESHOW #48 - Funny Photo Slideshow

Boss to applicant for handyman...

Boss to applicant for handyman job: "What's handy about you?"
Applicant: "I live round the corner"
Louise Caine, Greenbank

Share your jokes with us by with by e-mailing letters_ en@edinburghnews.com


The full article contains 37 words and appears in Edinburgh Evening News newspaper.
Page 1 of 1

  • #joke
Joke | Source: http://news.scotsman.com/ - Joke of the day
  • Currently 3.88/10

Rating: 3.9/10 (8)

That Forgetful Feeling

That Forgetful Feeling

An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen.

The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, "Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great.

I would recommend it very highly."

The other man said, "What is the name of the restaurant?"

The first man thought and thought and finally said, "What is the name of that flower you give to someone you love? You know... the one that's red and has thorns."

"Do you mean a rose?"

"Yes, that's the one," replied the man.

He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, "Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?"

#joke

Joke | Source: http://www.webwombat.com.au/ - Jokes: Joke of the Day
  • Currently 7.50/10

Rating: 7.5/10 (2)

Exemplary Insult #59: We're ha...

Exemplary Insult #59: We're having creative differences. I'm creative, you're different.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Click The City - Philippine's Leading Lifestyle and Entertainment Guide.
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

nipples

'You know, honey,' the little old lady said. 'My nipples are as hot for you today as they were 50 years ago.'

'I'm not surprised,' replied Gramps. 'One's in your coffee and the other is in your porridge.'

#joke #short
  • Currently 6.00/10

Rating: 6.0/10 (3)

It's Not For Him, Stupid

An old couple is on a walk, when a pigeon flies by and relieves himself on the woman's head.

"Yech!" says the woman. "Get some toilet paper."

"What for? He must be half-a-mile away by now."

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 7.50/10

Rating: 7.5/10 (2)

GRATEFUL MARRIAGE

An elderly couple, Minnie and Max, sit down to their Thanksgiving dinner. Before eating, his wife speaks up. “Can I ask you a question, Max?”

“Sure Minnie,” Max says, waiting to dig into his meal.

“Has our 50 years of marriage made you grateful?”

“Yes, indeed!” Max replied. “For the twenty years I was a bachelor!”

#joke #thanksgiving
Joke | Source: Joke of the day - Jokes of the day on Wordpress
  • Currently 5.38/10

Rating: 5.4/10 (8)

A man i...

A man in a hot air balloon realised he was lost. He reduced altitude and spotted a woman below. He descended a bit more and shouted, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."

The woman below replied, "You're in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 10 metres above the ground. You're between 52.3 and 52.4 degrees north latitude and between 1.8 and 1.9 degrees west longitude."

"You must be an engineer," said the balloonist. "I am," replied the woman, "How did you know?" "Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically correct, but I've no
idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help at all. If anything, you've delayed my trip."

"The woman below responded, "You must be in Senior Management."

"I am," replied the balloonist, "but how did you know?"

"Well," said the woman, "you don't know where you are or where you're going. You have risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise, which you've no idea how to keep, and you expect people beneath you to solve your problems. The fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it's my fault."
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 16 August 2008
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (10)

A sales rep. who was on busine...

A sales rep. who was on business in New York City bought a lottery ticket. Unbelievably, before he was to return home, he learned that his numbers were drawn and that he had won $50 million dollars. Excitedly, he phoned his wife and said, "Honey, I just won $50 million dollars in the New York Lottery!! Start packing your bags!!"

The wife was equally excited and began to scream and yell. "What kind of clothes should I pack? Summer clothes, or winter clothes?"

"It really doesn't matter." the husband replied. "Just be gone by the time I get home!"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 14 August 2008
  • Currently 5.11/10

Rating: 5.1/10 (9)

My Car GPS Works

I got really angry with my car navigation today. I even yelled at it and told it to "go to hell."
Twenty minutes later, it brought me in front of my mother-in-law’s house.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 9.18/10

Rating: 9.2/10 (17)

Monday

Good Morning... Let the stress begin......
#joke #short #monday
Joke | Source: Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 8.25/10

Rating: 8.3/10 (8)

Fairy tales...

When Chelsea Clinton was eight, Hillary was reading one of her favorite fairy tales.

"Mommy," asked Chelsea, "Do all fairy tales begin with "Once Upon a Time...?""

"No, dearest," replied Hillary, "sometimes they start with 'Darling, I have to work a little late at the office tonight...'"

#joke #short
  • Currently 5.47/10

Rating: 5.5/10 (19)

How confident people are

You can determine how confident people are by listening to what they don't say about themselves.~ Author Unknown

#joke #short
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

Buy Machine Factory

An American manufacturer is showing his machine factory to a potential customer from Albania. At noon, when the lunch whistle blows, two thousand men and women immediately stop work and leave the building.
"Your workers, they're escaping!" cries the visitor. "You've got to stop them."
"Don't worry, they'll be back," says the American. And indeed, at exactly one o'clock the whistle blows again, and all the workers return from their break.
When the tour is over, the manufacturer turns to his guest and says, "Well, now, which of these machines would you like to order?"
"Forget the machines," says the visitor. "How much do you want for that whistle?"
#joke
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 7.00/10

Rating: 7.0/10 (7)

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