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Jokes of the day for Tuesday, 25 November 2008

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Tuesday, 25 November 2008

Before his daring escape from ...

Before his daring escape from prison, an infamous criminal had been photographed from four different angles. The FBI sent copies of the pictures to police chiefs all across the land, with orders to notify Washington the moment an arrest was made.

The next day, the Bureau received a faxed reply from the ambitious sheriff of a small Southern town: "PICTURES RECEIVED. ALL FOUR SHOT DEAD WHILE RESISTING ARREST."
#joke
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

Baptism....

Before performing a baptism, the priest approached the young father and said solemnly, "Baptism is a serious step. Are you prepared for it?"

"I think so," the man replied. "My wife has made appetizers and we have a caterer coming to provide plenty of cookies and cakes for all of our guests."

"I don't mean that," the priest responded. "I mean, are you prepared spiritually?"

"Oh, sure," came the reply. "I've got a keg of beer and a case of whiskey."

#joke #beer
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Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

SLIDESHOW #30 - Funny Photo Slideshow

What song does Tarzan always s...

What song does Tarzan always sing at Christmas?
Jungle Bells.
Graham Jack, Loanhead

If you have a joke you would like to share with us e-mail: letters_en@edinburgh news.com


The full article contains 36 words and appears in Edinburgh Evening News newspaper.
Page 1 of 1

Joke | Source: http://news.scotsman.com/ - Joke of the day
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Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

Feeling Great

Tw...

Feeling Great

Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says... "Slim, I'm 83 years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains. I know you' re about my age.

How do you feel?"

Slim says, "I feel just like a new-born baby."

"Really!? Like a new-born baby?"

"Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.

#joke
Joke | Source: http://www.webwombat.com.au/ - Jokes: Joke of the Day
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (2)

Exemplary Insult #52: Everyone...

Exemplary Insult #52: Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but you should avoid abusing the privilege.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Click The City - Philippine's Leading Lifestyle and Entertainment Guide.
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (3)

Tell the whole truth

Mr. Dewey was briefing his client, who was about to testify in his own defense.

"You must swear to tell the complete truth. Do you understand?"

The client replied that he did.

Then lawyer then asked, "Do you know what will happen if you don't tell the truth?"

The client looked back and said, "I imagine that our side will win."

#joke #lawyer
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (2)

The Joy of Christmas Cards

A woman walks into the Post Office to buy stamps for her Christmas cards.
"What denomination?" asks the clerk.
"Oh, good heavens! Have we come to this?" said the woman. "Well, give me 50 Baptist and 50 Catholic and one Methodist."
#joke #short #christmas
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 3.50/10

Rating: 3.5/10 (2)

GRATEFUL MARRIAGE

An elderly couple, Minnie and Max, sit down to their Thanksgiving dinner. Before eating, his wife speaks up. “Can I ask you a question, Max?”

“Sure Minnie,” Max says, waiting to dig into his meal.

“Has our 50 years of marriage made you grateful?”

“Yes, indeed!” Max replied. “For the twenty years I was a bachelor!”

#joke #thanksgiving
Joke | Source: Joke of the day - Jokes of the day on Wordpress
  • Currently 5.38/10

Rating: 5.4/10 (8)

An engi...

An engineer dies and reports to hell.

Pretty soon, the engineer becomes dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and starts designing and building improvements. After a while, they've got air conditioning and flush toilets and lifts, and the engineer is a pretty popular guy.

One day God calls Satan up on the telephone and says with a sneer: "So, how's it going down there in hell?"

Satan replies: "Hey things are going great. We've got air conditioning and flush toilets and lifts, and there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next."

God replies: "What??? You've got an engineer? That's a mistake - he should never have gone down there; send him up here."

Satan says: "No way. I like having an engineer on the staff, and I'm keeping him."

God says: "Send him back up here or I'll sue."

Satan laughs and answers: "Yeah, right. And just where are you going to get a lawyer?"

(With apologies to any lawyers reading this ... but the rest of us think it's funny ...)
#joke #lawyer
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 15 August 2008
  • Currently 5.91/10

Rating: 5.9/10 (11)

>Dear Abby:

I am forty...

>Dear Abby:

I am forty-four years old and I would like to meet a man my age with no bad habits.

>Rose



>Dear Rose:

So would I.

Abby

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 13 August 2008
  • Currently 4.67/10

Rating: 4.7/10 (6)

Switching channels

An old married couple was at home watching TV.

The husband had the remote and was switching back and forth between a fishing channel and the porn channel.

The wife became more and more annoyed and finally said:

"For god's sake! Leave it on the porn channel. You already know how to fish!"

#joke
  • Currently 4.90/10

Rating: 4.9/10 (10)

Kissing the secretary

One fine morning Dean came early into the office and caught his subordinate,Martin kissing his secretary.
Angered, Dean screamed: “Martin, do I pay you good salary for doing this?”
Martin: “No sir, I am doing this for free.”
#joke
Joke | Source: Really Funny Jokes - Really Funny jokes, adult jokes, Good jokes, short funny jokes, teacher jokes, affair jokes, kids jokes, doctor jokes, funny pictures
  • Currently 4.69/10

Rating: 4.7/10 (39)

A college student challenged a...

A college student challenged a senior citizen, saying it was impossible for their generation to understand his. “You grew up in a different world,” the student said. “Today we have television, jet planes, space travel, nuclear energy, computers…”
Taking advantage of a pause in the student’s litany, the geezer said, “You’re right. We didn’t have those things when we were young; so we invented them! What are you doing for the next generation??”
#joke
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 7.44/10

Rating: 7.4/10 (9)

Bar Ladder

Q: Why did the blonde take a ladder into the bar?
A: She heard drinks were on the house.

#joke #short #blonde
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 7.30/10

Rating: 7.3/10 (10)

Half sisters

One Sunday morning Joe burst into the living room and said: "Dad, Mom, I have some great news for you! I am getting married to the most beautiful girl in town. She lives a block away and her name is Susan."

After dinner, Joe's dad took him aside and said: "Son, I have to talk with you. Your mother and I have been married 30 years. She's a wonderful wife but she has never offered much excitement in the bedroom, so I used to fool around with women a lot. Susan is actually your half-sister, and I'm afraid you can't marry her."

Joe was heartbroken. After eight months he eventually started dating girls again. A year later he came home and very proudly announced: "Dianne said yes! We are getting married in June."

Again his father insisted on another private conversation and broke the sad news: "Diane is your half-sister too, Joe, I am very sorry about this."

Joe was furious. He finally decided to go to his mother with the news.

"Dad has done so much harm. I guess I am never going to get married," he complained. "Every time I fall in love, Dad tells me the girl is my half-sister."

His mother just shook her head and said: "Don't pay any attention to what he says, dear. He's not really your father."

#joke
  • Currently 8.23/10

Rating: 8.2/10 (13)

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