Jokes of the day for Tuesday, 13 January 2009

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Tuesday, 13 January 2009

Two guys in a life raft in the...

Two guys in a life raft in the middle of the ocean. One sees an old bottle floating. He picks it up and rubs it,and a genie comes out.

The genie says, "For letting me out, I will grant you one wish." The guy says, (without thinking) "Turn this ocean into beer". And the ocean turns into the best beer anybody has ever tasted.

The second guy says to the first, "You idiot, now we'll have to piss in the boat".

#joke #drinks #beer

Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Used to be Joke rating machine, but this site is dead

Currently 4.13/10

Rating: 4.1/10 (8)

Poundstretchers and Marks & Sp...

Poundstretchers and Marks & Spencer are to amalgamate to beat the credit crunch. They will be known as Stretchmarks!

Dode Broadleaf, Drylaw

If you have a joke y to share with us e-mail: letters_en @edinburghnews.com

The full article contains 41 words and appears in Edinburgh Evening News newspaper.

Page 1 of 1

#joke

Joke | Source: http://news.scotsman.com/ - Joke of the day

Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (4)

SLIDESHOW #133 - Funny Photo Slideshow

Why did the supermodel stare a...

Why did the supermodel stare at the can of orange juice? Because it said "concentrate."

#joke #short #fruit #orange #drinks #juice

Joke | Source: Click The City - Philippine's Leading Lifestyle and Entertainment Guide.

Currently 6.00/10

Rating: 6.0/10 (3)

You Thought Y2K Would Be Bad...

The businessman dragged himself home and barely made it to

his chair before he dropped exhausted.

His sympathetic wife was right there with a tall cool drink

and a comforting word. "My, you look tired," she said. "You

must have had a hard day today. What happened to make you so

exhausted?"

"It was terrible," her husband said. "The computer broke

down and all

of us had to do our own thinking."

#joke

Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.

Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (4)

Happy New Year…Is Everybody Happy!!!??? (Author A. Nonymous)

I want you to be the first to send you this Happy New Year g Answering Machine Messages

Hi, this is Stephanie's answering machine.

If you're the phone company asking for money, stop bugging her, she'll send it sooner or later. If you're a TV company advertising TVs, she already has a TV with every channel known to man, and several known to monkeys.

If you called for any other reasons, please hang up the phone, start screaming, and run to the nearest shoe store. When you get there, ask them for a cheeseburger. (This probably won't help you, but we'll always have something to laugh about when we're bored.)

Answering Machine Messages

#joke #newyear #animal #monkey

Happy New Year…Is Everybody Happy!!!??? (Author A. Nonymous)

I want you to be the first to send you this Happy New Year g">Joke | Source: Joke of the day - Jokes of the day on Wordpress

Currently 3.62/10

Rating: 3.6/10 (13)

A student received a software ...

A student received a software package from his friend. But, he didn't have a computer.

The label on the package said that the software required "Windows 3.1 or better."

So, he bought a Macintosh.

#joke #short

Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 19 June 2008

Currently 4.46/10

Rating: 4.5/10 (13)

I hired a zombie to...

“I hired a zombie to do some work around my house. He is the working dead.”

#joke #short

Joke | Source: Jokes of the Day - Funny puns and jokes - the largest collection of humorous jokes on the internet. New pun added daily.

Currently 2.00/10

Rating: 2.0/10 (4)

Stuffed Minion saves little girls life

Minions are everywhere. In social media, on top of the box office, on street corners but recently saving a child's life too. Stuffed Minion saves little girls life.

#joke #short

Joke | Source: Minion Quotes - Despicable Me Minions is a website dedicated to minions. Have a good time reading minion quotes, funny quotes or entertain yourself playing minion games. Sajt vise ne radi

Currently 7.50/10

Rating: 7.5/10 (2)

Josh Sneed: After-Christmas Sale

I was walking back through this mall in January; there was a girl in front of Victorias Secret who stopped me. She was like, Hey, hows it going? I was like, Good, how are you? She goes, Well, Im curious, are you shopping for a wife or girlfriend today? I was like, No, why? She goes, Well, were having this after-Christmas sale, and all our bras are 50% off. And I go, I like when your bras are 100% off.

#joke #christmas

Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.

Currently 5.76/10

Rating: 5.8/10 (42)

A boy was teaching a girl arit...

A boy was teaching a girl arithmetic, he said it was his mission. He kissed her once; he kissed her twice and said, "Now that's addition." In silent satisfaction, she sweetly gave the kisses back and said, "Now that's subtraction." Then he kissed her, she kissed him, without an explanation. And both together smiled and said, "That's multiplication." Then her Dad appeared upon the scene and made a quick decision. He kicked that boy three blocks away and said, "That's long division!"

#joke

Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment

Currently 6.46/10

Rating: 6.5/10 (39)

Fig Leaf Found

A little boy opened the large old family Bible, and he looked with fascination at the ancient pages as he turned them one by one.
He was still in Genesis when something fell out of the Bible. He picked it up and looked at it closely. It was a very large old tree leaf that had been pressed between the pages of the Bible long ago."Momma, look what I found!" the boy called out.
"What do you have there?" his mother asked.
With astonishment in his voice, the young boy answered, "I think it's Adam's underwear!"

#joke #mother

Joke | Source: Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith

Currently 5.58/10

Rating: 5.6/10 (48)

Wait Until the Police Arrice

Two men got out of their cars after they collided at an intersection.
One took a flask from his pocket and said to the other, "Here, maybe you'd like a nip to calm your nerves."
"Thanks," he said, and took a long pull from the container.
"Here, you have one, too," he added, handing back the whiskey.
"Well, I'd rather not," said the first. "At least not until after the police have been here."

#joke #policeman #drinks #whiskey

Joke | Source: Daily Jokes - A Clean Joke Everyday!

Currently 7.29/10

Rating: 7.3/10 (7)

Physical Exam

The doctor has just finished giving the young man a thorough physical examination.

"The best thing for you to do," the M.D. said, "is give up drinking and smoking, get to bed early and stay away from women."

"Doc, I don't deserve the best," said the patient. "What's second best?"

#joke #short #doctor

Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.

Currently 9.55/10

Rating: 9.5/10 (11)

Redneck Divorce

Q: What do a tornado and a redneck divorce have in common?
A: In the end, someone is going to lose a trailer.

#joke #short #divorce #redneck

Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.

Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (8)

Worcestershire sauce incident joke

A truck brimming with Worcestershire sauce meanders through the quaint Welsh town of Llanfairpwllgwyngyll, Anglesey, en route to Rhosllannerchrugog in Wrexham. Unexpectedly, it collides with a Nissan Qashqai.

Veering uncontrollably, the truck subsequently smashes into a car from Llanfihangel Tre’r Beirdd, injuring two otorhinolaryngologists inside. As one, already grappling with Schistosomiasis, succumbs to a myocardial infarction, an bystander, dialing emergency services on his Huawei, hastily reports the chaotic scene. The dispatcher inquires, "Can you tell me what happened?"

He responds, "It's hard to say."

#joke #sport #grappling

Joke | Source: Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor

Currently 5.40/10

Rating: 5.4/10 (5)

Jokes Archive

NOTE: All jokes on this web site are property of the sites they are collected from. Web site Jokes of the day is not responsible for content of jokes. We are not trying to offend, just looking for a good laugh!! If you are offended by any of the jokes, please complain to the site jokes are coming from.

This site uses cookies to store information on your computer. Some are essential to help the site properly. Others give us insight into how the site is used and help us to optimize the user experience. See our privacy policy.