Jokes of the day for Thursday, 05 February 2009
| Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Thursday, 05 February 2009 |
There were four men, one from ...
There were four men, one from China, Greenland, America and onefrom Australia.
One night they were bragging on how good their country are. The
Chinese said, "my country is the best cause we have the great
wall."
The Greenlander said, "no, mine is the best as we have the
greenest greenest grass."
The American said, "no, mine is the best as we have our flag 50
stars and 50 stripes."
The Australian said, "no, mine is the greatest country as we
have the kangaroo which will jump over the great wall, shit on
the greenest greenest grass and wipe its ass on the American
flag."
An old man goes to the Wizard ...
An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been living with for the last 40 years.The Wizard says, "Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you."
The old man says without hesitation, "I now pronounce you man and wife."
Answering Machine Message 199
OK, one more time... This is our answering machine... This is the message on our answering machine... Any questions?
Son of a lawyer
While two families were waiting in line to see the Washington Monument, their two 5-year-old boys were getting acquainted.
"My name is Joshua. What's yours?" asked the first boy.
"Adam," replied the second.
"My daddy is a doctor. What does YOUR daddy do for a living?" asked Joshua.
Adam proudly replied, "My daddy is a lawyer."
"Honest?" asked Joshua.
"No, just the regular kind," replied Adam.
Why can't a nose be 12 inches ...
Why can't a nose be 12 inches long?Why did the dude tip-toe past ...
Why did the dude tip-toe past the medicine cabinet? So he wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills.Mixing Politics and Religion
The last time politics was mixed with religion, people wereburned at the stake.
War Boarder
A man in Amsterdam feels the need to confess, so he goes to his priest.Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. During WWII, I hid a refugee in my attic.
Well, answers the priest, thats not a sin.
But I made him agree to pay me 20 guilders for every week he stayed.
I admit that wasnt good, but you did it for a good cause.
Oh, thank you, Father. That eases my mind. I have one more question.
What is that, my son?
Do I have to tell him the war is over?
Louis Katz: Hippie Roommate
I made the mistake of moving in with a hippie. Hippie roommate -- horrible mistake. Apparently, when they say peace and love, what they really mean is filthy and annoying. A bit apprehensive...
As a sergeant in a parachute regiment I took part in several night time exercises. Once, I was seated next to a Lieutenant fresh from Jump School.He was quiet sad looked a bit pale so I struck up a conversation.
"Scared, Lieutenant?", I asked.
He replied, "No, just a bit apprehensive."
I asked, "What's the difference?"
He replied, "That means I'm scared with a university education."
Experimental Pill
A lady goes to the doctor and complains her husband is losing interest in sex.
He gives her a pill but warns her that it's still experimental. He tells her to slip it in his mashed potatoes at dinner. At dinner that night, she does just that.
About a week later she's back at the doctor and tells him, "The pill worked great! I put it in his mashed potatoes like you said.
It wasn't five minutes later that he jumped up, pushed all the food and dishes to the floor, grabbed me, ripped off all my clothes and ravaged me right there on the table."
The doctor says, "Oh dear -- I'm sorry, we didn't realize the pill
was that strong. The foundation will be glad to pay for any damages."
The lady replied, "That's very kind - but I don't think the restaurant will let us back in anyway."
