Jokes of the day for Friday, 20 February 2009
| Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Friday, 20 February 2009 |
Yo momma so fat G-d mistook he...
Yo momma so fat G-d mistook her for his bowling ball.Condom Galore
Nike Condoms: Just do it.Two guys are out in the woods ...
Two guys are out in the woods hiking.All of a sudden, a bear starts chasing them. They climb a tree, but the bear starts climbing up the tree after them.
The first guy gets his sneakers out of his knapsack and starts putting them on.
The second guy says, "What are you doing? He says, "I figure when the bear gets too close, we'll have to jump down and make a run for it." The second guy says, "Are you crazy? You can't outrun a bear"!
The first guy says, "I don't have to outrun the bear. I only have to outrun youÂ…
An Englishman wanted to become...
An Englishman wanted to become an Irishman, so he visited a doctor to find out how to go about this. "Well" said the doctor, "this is a very delicate operation and there is a lot that can go wrong. I will have to remove half your brain". "That's OK" said the Englishman. "I've always wanted to be Irish and I'm prepared to take the risk".The operation went ahead but the Englishman woke to find a look of horror on the face of the doctor. "I'm so terribly sorry!!" the doctor said. "Instead of removing half the brain, I've taken the whole brain out". The patient replied, "No worries, mate!!"
Good News, Bad News
A minister stood in front of his congregation and announced, "I have good news and bad news. The good news is we have enough money to pay for our new building program. The bad news is that it’s still in your pockets.â€
A little old lady answered a k...
A little old lady answered a knock on the door one day, only to be confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner."Good morning", said the young man. "If I could take a couple of minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high powered vacuum cleaners."
"Go away!" said the old lady. "I haven't got any money!" And she proceeded to close the door.
Quick as a flash, the young man wedged his foot in the door and pushed it wide open. "Don't be too hasty!", he said. "Not until you have at least seen my demonstration." And with that, he emptied a bucket of horse manure onto her hallway carpet. "If this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this horse manure from your carpet, Madam, I will personally eat the remainder."
"Well," she said, "I hope you've got a damned good appetite, because the electricity was cut off this morning."
Answering Machine Message 200
(Classical music:) This is our answering machine. (Switch to heavy metal racket:) This is our answering machine on drugs. (Silence...) Any message?
Blind date....
"How was your blind date?" a college student asked her roommate.
"Terrible!" the room-mate answered. "He showed up in his 1932 Rolls Royce."
"Wow! That's a very expensive car. What's so bad about that?"
"He was the original owner."
Two parrots sitting on a Perch...
Two parrots sitting on a Perch when one says to the other – can you smell fish?Heard about the engineer who i...
Heard about the engineer who invented a device for seeing through brick walls? ItÂ’s called a window.One day God was looking down a...
One day God was looking down at Earth and saw all of the rascally behavior that was going on. So he called one of His angels and sent the angel to Earth for a time.When he returned, he told God, 'Yes, it is bad on Earth; 95% are misbehaving and only 5% are not.
God thought for a moment and said, 'Maybe I had better send down a second angel to get another opinion.'
So God called another angel and sent him to Earth for a time.
When the angel returned he went to God and said, 'Yes, it's true.The Earth is in decline; 95% are misbehaving, but 5% are being good.'
God was not pleased. So He decided to e-mail the 5% that were good, because he wanted to encourage them, and give them a little something to help them keep going.
Do you know what the e-mail said?
Okay, I was just wondering, because I didn't get one either.
Nuns on the Highway
A cop pulls over a car full of nuns.
The cop says, “Sister, the speed limit on this highway is 55 mph. Why are you going so slow?”
Sister replies, “I saw a lot of signs that said 41, not 55.”
The cop says, “Sister, that’s the name of the highway, not the speed limit.”
“Silly me,” the embarrassed nun says. “Thanks for letting me know. I’ll be more careful.”
But then the cop glances in the back seat where the other nuns are quaking with fear.
He asks, “Excuse me, Sister, what’s wrong with your friends?”
Sister says, “Oh, we just got off Highway 101.”
Rolling Her Eyes
Two monsters went to a Halloween party. Suddenly one said to the other, "A lady just rolled her eyes at me. What should I do?"
The other monster replied, "Be a gentleman and roll them back to her."
