Jokes of the day for Tuesday, 24 February 2009
| Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Tuesday, 24 February 2009 |
Yo momma so dumb she took a sp...
Yo momma so dumb she took a spoon to the Super bowl.Little Johnny comes home from ...
Little Johnny comes home from his first day of school. Hismother asks, "So, what did you learn at school today?" Little
Johnny replies, "NOT ENOUGH. They want me to come back tomorrow!"
Caught on the Job
The new army recruit was given guard duty at 2 a.m. He did his best for a while, but at about 4 a.m. he went to sleep. He awakened to find the officer of the day standing before him.
Remembering the heavy penalty for being asleep on guard duty, this smart young man kept his head bowed for another moment and looked upward and reverently said, “A-a-a-men!â€
A man is having a few drinks a...
A man is having a few drinks at a bar when he looks over and notices a drunk guy passed out at a table nearby. The bartender tells him the drunk is Mr.Murphy and asks the man if he could drive Mr.Murphy home. Being a good Samaritan, the man agrees. The bartender writes down the address and gives it to him.The man walks over and tries to wake Mr.Murphy but Mr.Murphy is groggy and quite drunk. The man helps Mr.Murphy to his feet and Mr.Murphy falls to the floor in a heap. "Jeez," the man says wondering how anyone could drink so much. He takes Murphy by the arm and practically drags him out to the car. Once there he leans him against the side of his car while he looks for his keys. Mr.Murphy slides down to the ground. The man finds his keys and manages to get Murphy positioned in the car. He then drives to the address the bartender gave him.
He opens the passenger door and helps Mr.Murphy out and the guy falls to the ground. Cursing softly, now, the man helps him to his feet and practically drags him to the front door. He lets go of Mr.Murphy to knock on the door and the guy falls down again. He helps him to his feet as Mrs.Murphy answers the door.
"Hi, Mrs.Murphy, Your husband had too much to drink tonight so I gave him a ride home."
"That was nice of you," she says, looking around...... "But where's his wheelchair?"
Scary Collection 27
A vampire joke
Why did the vampire go to hospital?
He wanted his ghoulstones removed!
A ghost joke
Where do ghosts live?
In a terrortory!
A ghost joke
What is a ghost proof cycle?
One with no spooks in it!
A ghost joke
What do you call a ghost who stays out all night?
A fresh air freak!
A skeleton joke
What happened to the skeleton who was swallowed by a big fish?
He had a whale of a time!
A ghost joke
What do young ghouls write their homework in?
Exorcise books!
A ghost joke
What happened when the ghosts went on strike?
A skeleton staff took over!
The Pope and the President...
During his visit to the United States, the Pope met with President Clinton. Instead of just an hour as scheduled, the meeting went on for two days. Finally, a weary President Clinton emerged to face the waiting news media.
The President was smiling and announced the summit was a resounding success. He said he and the Pope agreed on 80% of the matters they discussed. Then Mr. Clinton declared he was going home to the White House to be with his family.
A few minutes later the Pope came out to make his statement. He looked tired, and discouraged, and was practically in tears. Sadly he announced his meeting with the President was a failure.
Incredulous, one reporter asked, "But your Holiness, President Clinton just announced the summit was a great success and the two of you agreed on 80% of the items discussed."
Exasperated, the Pope answered, "Yes, but we were talking about the Ten Commandments."
"I'm now making my living as a...
"I'm now making my living as a full-time artist." "So have you sold anything lately?" "Yes -- my car, my TV, my watch ..."Little Johnny... Nickels and Dimes
Little Johnny is always being teased by the other neighborhood boys for being stupid. Their favorite joke is to offer Johnny his choice between a nickel and a dime -- Little Johnny always takes the nickel.One day, after Johnny takes the nickel, a neighbor man takes him aside and says, Johnny, those boys are making fun of you. Dont you know that a dime is worth more than a nickel, even though the nickels bigger?
Johnny grins and says, Well, if I took the dime, theyd stop doing it, and so far Ive made $20!
How does a flower ride a bike?...
How does a flower ride a bike?Diagnose this patient
The psychology instructor had just finished a lecture on mental health and was giving an oral test.
Speaking specifically about manic depression, she asked, "How would you diagnose a patient who walks back and forth screaming at the top of his lungs one minute, then sits in a chair weeping uncontrollably the next?"
A young man in the rear raised his hand and answered, "A basketball coach?"
Jimmy Carr: Sexual Peak
Women reach their sexual peak after 35 years. Men reach theirs after about four minutes.
Labor Distraction
When my wife was in labor, I would tell her jokes to distract her from the pain, but she didn’t seem amused.
It must have been the delivery.