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Jokes of the day for Saturday, 30 May 2009

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Saturday, 30 May 2009

Q: What runs ...

Q: What runs around a field but never moves?
A: A fence
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Comedy.com - The World Famous Comedy.com Daily Joke!
  • Currently 4.86/10

Rating: 4.9/10 (7)

An American and a Japanese wer...

An American and a Japanese were sitting on the plane on the way to LA When
the American turned to the Japanese and asked, "What kind of -ese are you?"

The Japanese confused, replied, "Sorry but I don't understand what you
mean."
The American repeated, "What kind of -ese are you?"
Again, the Japanese was confused over he question.
The American, now irritated, then yelled, "What kind of -ese are you
.... Are you a Chinese, Japanese, Vietnamese!, etc......??? "
The Japanese then replied, "Oh, I am a Japanese."
A while later the Japanese turned to the American and asked What kind Of
'key' was he.
The American, frustrated, yelled, "What do you mean what kind of -kee'am
I?!"
The Japanese said, "Are you a Yankee, donkee, or monkee?"
LESSON III: "NEVER INSULT ANYONE"
#joke
  • Currently 6.62/10

Rating: 6.6/10 (13)

SLIDESHOW #1 - Funny Photo Slideshow

I Am Napoleon

Late one night at the insane asylum, one inmate shouted, "I am Napoleon!"
Another patient asked, "How do you know?"
The first inmate said, "Because God told me!"
Just then, a voice from another room shouted, "I did NOT!"

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
  • Currently 5.93/10

Rating: 5.9/10 (44)

An old couple is on a walk, wh...

An old couple is on a walk, when a pigeon flies by and deposits a poopy little present on the woman's head.

"Yech!" says the woman. "Get some toilet paper."

"What for? He must be half-a-mile away by now."
#joke #short
  • Currently 3.67/10

Rating: 3.7/10 (3)

Buy your grade...

A professor was giving a big test one day to his students. He handed out all of the tests and went back to his desk to wait. Once the test was over the students all handed the tests back in. The professor noticed that one of the students had attached a $100 bill to his test with a note saying "A dollar per point." The next class the professor handed the tests back out. This student got back his test and $64 change.

#joke
  • Currently 4.00/10

Rating: 4.0/10 (8)

Business One-liners 44


The ratio of time involved in work to time available for work is usually about 0.6.
The repairman will never have seen a model quite like yours before.
The road to hell is paved with good intentions and littered with sloppy analysis.
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.
The simplest subjects are the ones you don't know anything about.
The solution to a problem changes the nature of the problem.
The solving of a problem lies in finding the solvers.
The sooner you fall behind, the more time you will have to catch up!
The squeaky wheel doesn't always get the grease; sometimes it gets replaced.
The stomach expands to accommodate the amount of junk food available.

#joke
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 4.50/10

Rating: 4.5/10 (8)

Vegetarian - Defined

Vegetarian: Indian word for lousy hunter

#joke #short
  • Currently 6.00/10

Rating: 6.0/10 (4)

"Doctor, one day I think I'm a...

"Doctor, one day I think I'm a wigwam, another day a tepee."
"The trouble with you is, you're two tents."
#joke #short #doctor
Joke | Source: http://news.scotsman.com/ - Joke of the day
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

My kids love going to the...

My kids love going to the Web, and they keep track of their passwords by writing them on Post-it notes.

I noticed their Disney password was "MickeyMinnieGoofyPluto," and asked why it was so long.

"Because," my son explained, "they say it has to have at least four characters."
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Kiwi box - today's pick Joke of the day
  • Currently 5.23/10

Rating: 5.2/10 (43)

Why do men like blonde jokes??...

Why do men like blonde jokes??LOCKQUOTE> Because they can understand them.
#joke #short #blonde
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 18 September 2008
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (6)

Traffic Court

A woman was found guilty in traffic court and when asked for her occupation she said she was a schoolteacher. The judge rose from the bench. "Madam, I have waited years for a schoolteacher to appear before this court."
He smiled with delight. "Now sit down at that table and write, 'I will not run a red light' five hundred times."

#joke
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 9.00/10

Rating: 9.0/10 (14)

Fourth Husband

A woman announces to her friend that she is getting married for the fourth time.
"How wonderful! But I hope you don't mind me asking what happened to your first husband?"
"He ate poisonous mushrooms and died."
"Oh, how tragic! What about your second husband?"
"He ate poisonous mushrooms too and died."
"Oh, how terrible! I'm almost afraid to ask you about your third husband."
"He died of a broken neck."
"A broken neck?"
"He wouldn't eat the mushrooms."

#joke
  • Currently 8.56/10

Rating: 8.6/10 (16)

Pregnant for Two Years

"Mary, if you were a four legged animal and you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to?"
"I don't know," said Mary, "but whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark."

#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 6.71/10

Rating: 6.7/10 (7)

Birthday cake for wife

On wife's b'day, man ordered a cake on phone.
Salesman: What message to put on the cake?
Man: Write “Getting older but U R getting better.”
Salesman: kaise likhna hai message ?
Man: Well.. put “U R getting older” at the top and “but U R getting better” at the bottom.
When the cake was opened all guests died laughing at the message.
It read: “You are getting older at the top, but you are getting better at the bottom!”

#joke
Joke | Source: jokose.com - Jokose - Get yourself humoured! Jokes and other funny stuff!
  • Currently 5.33/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (3)

April Fool's Day - Install the Blue Screen...

Install the Blue Screen of Death screen-saver on someone’s computer.
#joke #short #aprilfoolsday
Joke | Source: Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 7.20/10

Rating: 7.2/10 (5)

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