Jokes of the day for Wednesday, 09 June 2010
| Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Wednesday, 09 June 2010 |
His military etiquette #joke #humor
Officer: Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?Soldier: Sure, buddy.
Officer: That's no way to address an officer! Now let's try it again.
Do you have change for a dollar?
Soldier: No, SIR!
The law professor was lecturin...
The law professor was lecturing on courtroom procedure. “When you are fighting a case and have the facts on your side, hammer away at the facts. If you have the law on your side, hammer away with the law.” “But what if you have neither the facts nor the law on your side?” “In that case,” said the professor, “hammer away on the table.”Glory Be Unto the Father
Walking by, a minister saw his 5-year-old son and playmates find a dead robin.
Feeling that proper burial should be performed, the children had secured a small box and cotton batting, then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of the deceased.
The minister's son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he thought his father always said: "Glory be unto the Faaaather, and unto the Sonnn... and into the hole he gooooes."
How to tell a person is lying ...
How to tell a person is lying when they say they're Jewish..."So where on this menu is the bacon?"
"I thought they said not to wear hats in the synagogue"
They're reading and pronounce the word synagogue like it's spelled...and they're 30!
They keep pointing out how much they love that Star of Christ.
They name their child (or they are named) Christian
Don't know what a bar-mitzvah is...
Good grades...
The little boy wasn't getting good marks in school. One day he made the teacher quite surprised. He tapped her on the shoulder and said...
"I don't want to scare you, but my daddy says if I don't get better grades.... somebody is going to get a spanking....".
Prisoner
The bride tells her husband, "Honey, you know I'm a virgin and I don't know anything about sex. Can you explain it to me first?""OK, Sweetheart, putting it simply, we will call your private place 'the prison' and call my private thing 'the prisoner'.
So what we do is: put the prisoner in the prison.
And then they made love for the first time. Afterwards, the guy is lying face up on the bed, smiling with satisfaction.
Nudging him, his bride giggles, "Honey, the prisoner seems to have escaped."
Turning on his side, he smiles. "Then we will have to re-imprison him."
After the second time they spent, the guy reaches for his cigarettes.
But the girl, thoroughly enjoying the new experience of making love, gives him a suggestive smile, "Honey, the prisoner is out again!"
The man rises to the occasion, but with the unsteady legs of a recently born foal. Afterwards, he lays back on the bed, totally exhausted.
She nudges him and says, "Honey, the prisoner escaped again."
Limply turning his head, He yells at her, "Hey, it's not life imprisonment!"
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Calamjo
Adam Sandler: Just Be Dead
If a girl breaks up with me, I want her to just die, just be dead. Not cause I hate her so much as its just easier for when my friends go, Hey, what happened? Oh, shes dead. Id still be with her, but shes dead. What can I do? She was loving me, but shes dead.An explorer walked into a clea...
An explorer walked into a clearing and was surprised to see a pigmy standing beside a huge dead elephant. "Did you kill that?" he asked. The pigmy answered: "Yes". "How could a little bloke like you kill something as huge as that?""I killed it with my club" replied the pigmy.
"That's amazing," said the explorer. "How big's your club?"
The pigmy replied: "There's about 150 of us"
Police officer pulled this ...
Police officer pulled this guy over for speeding and told him that his eyes were bloodshot, and asked him if he'd been drinking. The guy said "Your eyes are glazed, have you been eating donuts?"
A blonde was driving down the ...
A blonde was driving down the road and she looks up and she sees a tree so she swerves to the left.The tree is still nfront of her so she swerves to the right, this time her car rolls into the ditch.
When the Police Officer came to the scene of the accident the blonde told the Police Officer about the tree that was in front of her. The officer kindly explained that the tree was the green air freshener hanging off her rear view mirror.
Mommy, you are getting fat!
When I was six months pregnant with my third child, my three year old came into the room when I was just getting ready to get into the shower.
She said, "Mommy, you are getting fat!"
I replied, "Yes, honey, remember Mommy has a baby growing in her tummy."
"I know," she replied ... "but what is growing in your butt?"
The difference between theo...
The difference between theory and experimentA guy was walking along the street one night, when he came upon a man--a theoretical physicist--on his hands and knees under a street light, searching the street. The fellow asked him what he was looking for, and the theoretician replied, I'm looking for my car keys. Being a helpful sort, the fellow started searching, too.
After a time he asked, "Are you sure you lost them here?"
"Of course not" replied the theoretician. "But at least there's light here."
Perfect Tee Shot
A guy stands over his tee shot for what seems an eternity: looking up, looking down, measuring the distance, figuring the wind direction and speed. Finally his exasperated partner says, Whats taking so long? Hit the damn ball!The guy answers, My wife is up there watching me from the clubhouse. I want to make this a perfect shot.
Forget it, man, says his partner. Youll never hit her from here.
W O R D S
A husband read a...
W O R D S A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use
a day... 30,000 to a man's 15,000.
The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat
everything to men...
The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"
