Jokes of the day for Friday, 24 June 2011
Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Friday, 24 June 2011 |
Chuck Norris can win at solita...
Chuck Norris can win at solitaire with only 18 cards.Illness
I had the toughest time of my life. First, I got angina pectoris and then arteriosclerosis. Just as I was recovering from these, I got tuberculosis, double pneumonia and phthisis. Then they gave me hypodermics. Appendicitis was followed by tonsillectomy. These gave way to aphasia and hypertrophic cirrhosis. I completely lost my memory for a while. I know I had diabetes and acute ingestion, besides gastritis, rheumatism, lumbago and neuritis. I don't know how I pulled through it. It was the hardest spelling test I've ever had.
True or phallus: dildos aren&#...
True or phallus: dildos aren't real.The Trouble With Email
It's wise to remember how easily email can be misused, sometimes unintentionally, with serious consequences.Consider the case of the Illinois man who left the snow-filled streets of Chicago for a vacation in Florida. His wife was on a business trip and was planning to meet him there the next day. When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick email.
Unfortunately, when typing her address, he missed one letter, and his note was directed instead to an elderly preacher's wife whose husband had passed away only the day before. When the grieving widow checked her email, she took one look at the monitor, let out a piercing scream, and fell to the floor in a dead faint.
At the sound, her family rushed into the room and saw this note on the screen:
Dearest Wife, Just got checked in. Everything prepared for your arrival tomorrow.
P.S. Sure is hot down here.
Two Italians, Luigi and Antoni...
Two Italians, Luigi and Antonio, met on the street."Hey, Antonio," said Luigi, "where-a you-a been for-a da past-a two weeks? No-a one-a seen-a you around."
"Donna talka to me, Luigi," replied Antonio. "I been-a inna da jail."
"Jail!" exclaimed Luigi. "What for you been-a in jail?"
"Wella, Luigi," Antonio said, "I was lying onna da beach, anna da cops come, arresta me and atrow me ina jail!"
"But dey donna trow you in jail-a just for lying onna da beach!" Luigi countered.
"Yeah, but dissa beach was ascreamin' and akickin' and a yellin'."
Thigns...
In the men's room at work, the boss placed a sign directly above the sink. It had a single word on it: "Think!"
The next day, when he went to the men's room, he looked at the sign, and right below it, immediately above the soap dispenser, someone had carefully lettered another sign which read, "Thoap!"
Three Types Of People
There are three types of people thoes who can count and those who cant. :)vampire lesbians
What did one lesbian vampire say to the other?. Same time next month?.I Dare You
At a church meeting, a very wealthy man rose to tell the rest of those present about his Christian faith.
"I'm a millionaire," he said, "and I attribute it all to the rich blessings of God in my life. I remember that turning point in my faith. I had just earned my first dollar and I went to a church meeting that night. The speaker was a missionary who told about his work. I knew that I only had a dollar bill and I had to either give it all to God's work or give nothing at all. So at that moment, I decided to give my whole dollar to God. I believe that God blessed that decision, and that is why I am a rich man today."
When he finished and moved toward his seat, there was an awed silence As he sat down, a little old lady sitting in the same pew leaned over and said to him, "I dare you to do it again."
Mike Birbiglia: Fear the Most
![Mike Birbiglia: Fear the Most](/jokes-archive/2010/12/12/Mike-Birbiglia-3A-Fear-the-Most.jpg.400.jpg)
Q. Why is it so hard for women...
![Q. Why is it so hard for women...](/jokes-archive/2009/10/30/Q-Why-is-it-so-hard-for-women-.jpg.400.jpg)
A. Because those men already have boyfriends.
This farmer had a wife who nag...
This farmer had a wife who nagged him all the time. One day while he was outside plowing the field, she came out and started nagging him. While she was doing this, the mule kicked her and she died. At the funeral, the ladies came up and talked to the farmer. The farmer nodded his head "yes". The men came up and talked to him and the farmer nodded his head "noâ€. Well this other man wondered why he nodded his head "yes" to the ladies and "no" to the men. Then, he went up to the farmer and asked him why. The farmer replied,†Well, when the ladies came up, they told me how pretty my wife's dress was and how pretty she looked. When the men came up, they asked,’ That mule for sale?'Every time an Indian walks int...
Every time an Indian walks into the chief's teepee he sees that the chief is masturbating. They finally realize this is a serious problem, so they fix him up with a nice woman, and she starts living with him in his teepee.One day, one of the Indians walks into to chief's teepee and there's the chief masturbating again. He says, "Chief, what are you doing? We fix you up with a beautiful woman."
The chief says, "Her arm get tired."
12- Pack
![12- Pack](/jokes-archive/2010/06/24/12-Pack.jpg.400.jpg)
The strong young man at the co...
![The strong young man at the co...](/jokes-archive/2010/06/24/The-strong-young-man-at-the-co-.jpg.400.jpg)
Business One-liners 21
Democracy is that form of government where everybody gets what the majority deserves.
Diplomacy is the ability to tell someone to "get lost" in such a way that they look forward to the trip.
Diplomacy is the art of letting someone else have your way.
Diplomacy is the art of saying "nice doggy" until you find a large enough rock.
Do not believe in miracles, rely on them.
Do someone a favor and it becomes your job.
Do whatever your enemies do not want you to do.
Doing a good job around here is like wetting your pants in a dark suit; you get a warm feeling, but nobody notices.
Don't be irreplaceable; if you cannot be replaced, you cannot be promoted.
Don't be so open minded that your brain falls out.