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Jokes of the day for Friday, 06 September 2013

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Friday, 06 September 2013

Spinster or widow?

Jack and Harold, both in their seventies and both bachelors, were sipping cappuccino in a coffee shop.
Jack said, “Harold, I know it's a little late in my life, but I feel I should get married. What do you say?”
Harold replied, "Sure, why not? Any age is a good age. I think you should go ahead.”
Jack continues, “But I am in two minds, whether to marry a spinster or a widow.”
Harold, “I suggest you marry a spinster. She will anyways become a widow in no time.”
#joke #drinks #coffee
Joke | Source: Really Funny Jokes - Really Funny jokes, adult jokes, Good jokes, short funny jokes, teacher jokes, affair jokes, kids jokes, doctor jokes, funny pictures
  • Currently 3.60/10

Rating: 3.6/10 (5)

“The concert violinis...

“The concert violinist believed in exercise, consequently, he was fit as a fiddle.”

#joke #short #sport #exercise
Joke | Source: Jokes of the Day - Funny puns and jokes - the largest collection of humorous jokes on the internet. New pun added daily.
  • Currently 4.00/10

Rating: 4.0/10 (11)

Prison vs. Work

IN PRISON...you spend the majority of your time in an 8x10 cell.
AT WORK...you spend most of your time in a 6x8 cubicle.

IN PRISON...you get three meals a day.
AT WORK...you only get a break for one meal and you have to pay for it.

IN PRISON...you get time off for good behavior.
AT WORK...you get rewarded for good behavior with more work.

IN PRISON...a guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you.
AT WORK...you must carry around a security card and unlock and open all the doors yourself.

IN PRISON...you can watch TV and play games.
AT WORK...you get fired for watching TV and playing games.

IN PRISON...you get your own toilet.
AT WORK...you have to share.

IN PRISON...they allow your family and friends to visit.
AT WORK...you cannot even speak to your family and friends.

IN PRISON...all expenses are paid by taxpayers with no work required.
AT WORK...you get to pay all the expenses to go to work and then they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for prisoners.

IN PRISON...you spend most of your life looking through bars from the inside wanting to get out.
AT WORK...you spend most of your time wanting to get out and go inside bars.

IN PRISON...there are wardens who are often sadistic.
AT WORK...they are called managers.

#joke #food #meal
Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.
  • Currently 3.33/10

Rating: 3.3/10 (6)

Funny Photo of the day - How do you like my new loafers?

How do you like my new loafers? - I can eat them when new model comes out! | Source : Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 3.92/10

Rating: 3.9/10 (12)

Two Divorced Guys

These two guys had just gotten divorced and they swore they would never have anything to do with women again. They were best friends and they decided to move up to Alaska as far north as they could go and never look at a woman again. They got up there and went into a trader's store and told him, "Give us enough supplies to last two men for one year." The trader got the gear together and on top of each one's supplies he laid a board with a hole in it with fur around the hole.

The guys asked "What's that board for?" The trader said, "Well, where you're going there are no women and you might need this." They said, "No way! We've sworn off women for life!" The trader said, "Well. take the boards with you, and if you don't use them I'll refund your money next year. "Okay," they said and left. The next year this guy came into the trader's store and said "Give me enough supplies to last one man for one year." The trader said "Weren't you in here last year with a partner?"

"Yeah" said the guy. "Where is he?" asked the trader. "I killed him" said the guy. Shocked, the trader asks "Why?" To which the guy replies, "I caught him in bed with my board!"

#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 3.18/10

Rating: 3.2/10 (11)

Donkeys at Christmas

What do donkeys send out near Christmas?

Mule-tide greetings.

#joke #short #christmas #animal #donkey #mule
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 3.50/10

Rating: 3.5/10 (10)

Seal at the mechanic

A penguin takes his car to the shop to have it fixed. While he's waiting, he goes into a cool ice cream shop and eats ice cream. Having flippers instead hands, he gets the ice cream all over himself. He's goes back to the auto shop and asks the mechanic what was wrong with his car.
"Well," says the mechanic, "it looks like you blew a seal."
The penguin replies, "It's just ice cream, I swear!!"

#joke #animal #penguin #seal
Joke | Source: Jokes of the Day - Originally taken from site that work no more - Get Frank - NZ's Online Men's Lifestyle Magazine for Fashion, Health, Lifestyle, Recreation Articles & Reviews, Funny jokes and photos updated daily
  • Currently 5.55/10

Rating: 5.5/10 (11)

A grasshopper walks into a bar...

A grasshopper walks into a bar and the bartender says, 'Hey, we have a drink named after you!'

The grasshopper looks surprised and says, 'You have a drink named Steve?'
#joke #short #walksintoabar
Joke | Source: MHINTZ0929's Blog - New funny joke each day
  • Currently 5.27/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (102)

Chuck Norris uses 8'x10' sheet...

Chuck Norris uses 8'x10' sheets of plywood as toilet paper.
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 01 October 2011
  • Currently 3.55/10

Rating: 3.5/10 (44)

Blow The Horn

Why did the blonde have lipstick on her steering wheel? She was trying to blow the horn.
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 09 June 2010
  • Currently 4.55/10

Rating: 4.5/10 (11)

A Recently Spotted Bumper Sticker:

"I believe in dragons, good men and other fantasy creatures."

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 15 May 2009
  • Currently 5.42/10

Rating: 5.4/10 (59)

Loni Love: All the Holidays

I used to work in an office, and when I worked in an office, I celebrated all the holidays -- Cesar Chavez Day, Labor Day -- just to get a day off of work. It could be KKK Day -- Do I get a day off of work?
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 06 September 2010
  • Currently 2.61/10

Rating: 2.6/10 (71)

Chuck Norris doesn't cheat dea...

Chuck Norris doesn't cheat death. He wins fair and square.
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 06 September 2011
  • Currently 2.75/10

Rating: 2.8/10 (53)

Speech Impediment

Two life-long friends were enjoying a few pints down at the local bar, when one said to the other: "If I ask you a question, will you promise to answer me honestly?"

"Yeah, sure thing," replied his friend, "fire away."

"Well," said the first guy, "why do you think all the guys around here find my wife so attractive?"

"It's probably because of her speech impediment," replied the second guy.

"What do you mean her speech impediment?"

inquired the first fellow.

"My wife doesn't have a speech impediment!"

"Well," replied his friend, "you must be the only guy who hasn't noticed that she can't say 'NO'!!"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 06 September 2011
  • Currently 5.03/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (39)

A 70-year-old man has never be...

A 70-year-old man has never been married. One day, he meets a beautiful 17-year-old girl, and it is love at first sight. They get married and go to Florida for their honeymoon. When they get back, his friend says to him, "So, tell me, how was it?"

"Oh, it was beautiful," says the man. "The sun, the surf, we made love almost every night, we -"

His friend interrupts him. "A man your age! How did you make love almost every night?"

"Oh," says the man, "we almost made love Monday, we almost made love Tuesday..."
#joke #monday
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 06 September 2008
  • Currently 5.36/10

Rating: 5.4/10 (36)

News Headlines 03


Two Sisters Reunited after 18 Years in Checkout Counter
Two Soviet Ships Collide, One Dies
Killer Sentenced to Die for Second Time in 10 Years
Never Withhold Herpes Infection from Loved One
Drunken Drivers Paid $1000 in `84
Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted
Miners Refuse to Work after Death
If Strike isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last a While
Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
Ban On Soliciting Dead in Trotwood

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 06 September 2011
  • Currently 4.00/10

Rating: 4.0/10 (23)

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