Jokes of the day for Friday, 27 December 2013
| Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Friday, 27 December 2013 |
Really funny jokes-Know Your Taters
They are called 'Spec Taters'.
Some people never do anything to help, but are gifted at finding fault with the way others do the work.
They are called 'Comment Taters'.
Some people are very bossy and like to tell others what to do, but don't want to soil their own hands.
They are called 'Dick Taters'.
Some people are always looking to cause problems by asking others to agree with them. It is too hot or too cold, too sour or too sweet.
They are called 'Aggie Taters'.
There are those who say they will help, but somehow just never get around to actually doing the promised help.
They are called 'Hezzie Taters'.
Some people can put up a front and pretend to be someone they are not.
They are called 'Immy Taters'.
Then there are those who love others and do what they say they will. They are always prepared to stop whatever they are doing and lend a helping hand. They bring real sunshine into the lives of others.
They are called 'Sweet Po Taters'.
Gimme all your money...
A man was walking down a street in Washington. A man walking behind him suddenly pulled out a gun and said, "Gimme all your money, now!"
The victim said, "You can't do this to me! I'm a Congressman!"
The robber thought for a moment, then said, "In that case, gimme all of MY money!"
Yo Mama
yo mama is so ugly that when she walked into the kitchen, rats jumped on the table and started to screamSt. Paul vs. Minneapolis
Q: Why did everyone in Minneapolis quit going to church and lose their faith?
A: There are a dozen or so pages in the Bible about St. Paul, but nothing about Minneapolis.
Two guys were riding in a car,...
Two guys were riding in a car, arguing about how to say the name of the city that they were in. One said "Louieville" and the other "Louiseville." They went on arguing and arguing, until they came upon a fast-food restaurant. The one guy goes inside and says to the waitress, "Tell me the name of the place where I am right now really, really, really slowly." The waitress goes, "Bur-ger-King."A little boy asked his teacher...
A little boy asked his teacher if he could go to the bathroom,so she said yes. When he went to wipe his bum there was no toilet paper so he used his hands. When he got back to class his teacher asked, 'What do you have in your hand.'The boy said, 'A little leprechaun and if I open my hand he'll get scared away.'He was then sent to the principals office and the principal asked him, 'What do you have in your hand.'
So the little boy said, 'A little leprechaun and if I open my hands he'll get scared away.' He was sent home and his mom asked him 'What do you have in your hand.'
So the little boy said, 'A little leprechaun and if I open my hands he'll get scared away.' He was sent to his room and his dad came in and said, 'What do you have in your hand.' So again the little boy said, 'A little leprechaun and if I open my hands he get scared away.'
Then his Dad got really mad and yelled, 'Open your hands!'
And the little boy said, 'Look Dad you scared the crap out of him.'
Josh Sneed: After-Christmas Sale
I was walking back through this mall in January; there was a girl in front of Victorias Secret who stopped me. She was like, Hey, hows it going? I was like, Good, how are you? She goes, Well, Im curious, are you shopping for a wife or girlfriend today? I was like, No, why? She goes, Well, were having this after-Christmas sale, and all our bras are 50% off. And I go, I like when your bras are 100% off. Blonde Sheep Winner
There was a blonde who was tired of all the blonde jokes and decided to dye her hair brown. She then went for a drive in the country and came upon a shepherd herding his sheep across the road.She asked the shepherd, "If I guess how many sheep there are here, can I keep one?"
He replied "Sure!"
Out of the blue, she blurts out, "352!"
He is stunned but keeps his word and allows her to pick out a sheep. She looks and searches and finally picks out the cutest one.
He looks at her and says, "If I guess what color your hair really is, can I have my dog back!"
Little Johnny's kindergarten c...
Little Johnny's kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station where they saw pictures tacked to a bulletin board of the 10 most wanted criminals. One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person. 'Yes,' said the policeman. 'The detectives want very badly to capture him.'Little Johnny asked, 'Why didn't you keep him when you took his picture?’
Ten Witch Jokes for Halloween
Q) Why do witches wear name tags?
A) So they will know which witch is which.
Q) What do you call two witches sharing an apartment?
A) Broom-mates
Q) What is a little witch's favorite subject in school?
A) Spell-ing
Q) How does a witch tell time?
A) She looks at her witch-watch.
Q) Why did the witch give up fortune telling?
A) Because there was no future in it.
Q) What is the difference between a witch and the letters "M, A, K, E, S?"
A) One makes spells and the other spells "makes."
Q) What did the witch serve her friends who dropped in at dinner time?
A) Potluck
Q) How do you make a witch itch?
A) Take away the "w."
Q) Why is a witch's face like a million dollars?
A) It's green and wrinkly.
Q) What do witches use on their hair?
A) Scare spray.
Facts of life...
A man walks into a drug store with his 8-year old son. They happen to walk by the condom display, and the boy asks, "What are these, Dad?" To which the man matter-of-factly replies, "Those are called condoms, son.... Men use them to have safe sex."
"Oh I see," replied the boys pensively. "Yes, I've heard of that in health class at school." He looks over the display and picks up a package of 3 and asks, "Why are there 3 in this package."
The dad replies, "Those are for high school boys. One for Friday, one for Saturday, and one for Sunday."
"Cool!" says the boy. He notices a 6 pack and asks, "Then who are these for?" "Those are for college men." the dad answers, "TWO for Friday, TWO for Saturday, and TWO for Sunday."
"WOW!" exclaimed the boy, "then who uses THESE?" he asks, picking up a 12 pack. With a sigh, the dad replied, "Those are for married men. One for January, one for February, one for March........"
Exciting Period
A kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out about something exciting and relate it to the class the next day. When the time came to present what they'd found, the first little boy walked up to the front of the class made a small white dot on the blackboard and sat back down. Puzzled, the teacher asked him just what it was.
"It's a period,'' said the little boy.
"Well, I can see that,'' she said, ''but what is so exciting about a period?''
''Damned if I know,'' said the little boy, ''but this morning my sister was missing one, Daddy had a heart attack, Mommy fainted, and the man next door shot himself."
My girlfriend said she was sick of me pretending to be a detective
My girlfriend said she was sick of me pretending to be a detective...
...and that "we should split up"
"Good idea", I said, "that way we can cover more ground"