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Jokes of the day for Thursday, 30 January 2014

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Thursday, 30 January 2014

“I chose my gastroent...

“I chose my gastroenterologist based on gut feeling.”

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes of the Day - Funny puns and jokes - the largest collection of humorous jokes on the internet. New pun added daily.
  • Currently 6.25/10

Rating: 6.3/10 (8)

Home layout


An architect from Bangladesh was visiting India.

An Indian friend of his took him home and showed the Bangladeshi guy around the house.

"This is the living room," said the Indian guy. "This is the dining hall, this is the store room, this is the children's bedroom, this is the master bedroom, this is the kitchen, the bathroom, the lavatory" and so on...

The Bangadeshi architect commented, "I liked the layout".

The Indian friend asked, "So, what kind of layout do you have in Bangladeshi homes?"

The architect from Bangladesh replied, "Well, it's pretty much the same, only there are no partitions."
#joke
Joke | Source: Really Funny Jokes - Really Funny jokes, adult jokes, Good jokes, short funny jokes, teacher jokes, affair jokes, kids jokes, doctor jokes, funny pictures
  • Currently 6.75/10

Rating: 6.8/10 (8)

Horse for sale...

There was a preacher that was trying to sell his horse. A potential buyer came to the church for a test ride.

"Before you start" the preacher said,"you should know that this horse only responds to church talk. Go is praise the lord and stop is amen."

So the man on the horse says " Praise the lord," and the horse starts to trot. The man again says "Praise the lord," and the horse starts to gallop.

Suddenly there is a cliff right in front of the horse and the man yells "Amen!!!" The horse stops just at the edge of the cliff.

The man wipes the sweat from his brow and says "Praise the Lord."

#joke #animal #horse
Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.
  • Currently 3.50/10

Rating: 3.5/10 (2)

Funny Photo of the day - Mouse recycling

Mouse recycling - New life of old hardware | Source : Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 5.56/10

Rating: 5.6/10 (9)

An Orgasmic Problem

A woman went in to see a therapist and said, "I've got a big problem, doctor. Every time we're in bed and my husband climaxes, he lets out an outrageous yell."

"My dear," the doctor said, "that's completely natural. I don't see what the problem is."

"The problem is," she complained, "he keeps waking me up!"

#joke #doctor
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 6.71/10

Rating: 6.7/10 (7)

Long Time Drinker

A skeleton walks into a bar. The bartender says, "What'll you have?"

The skeleton says, "A beer and a mop."

#joke #short #walksintoabar #drinks #beer
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 5.43/10

Rating: 5.4/10 (7)

Too Much Analysis


Two psychiatrists were walking down a hall.
One turned to the other and said, "Hello."
The other one thought, "I wonder what he meant by that."

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 24 November 2011
  • Currently 7.00/10

Rating: 7.0/10 (25)

Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac...

Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.
#joke #short #chuck-norris #food #burger
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 31 May 2011
  • Currently 3.95/10

Rating: 3.9/10 (58)

Little Johnny is taking a show...

Little Johnny is taking a shower with his mother and says, "Mom, what are those things on your chest!?" Unsure of how to reply, she tells Johnny to ask his dad at breakfast tomorrow, quite certain the matter would be forgotten.

Johnny didn't forget. The following morning he asked his father the same question. His father, always quick with the answers, says, "Why Johnny, those are balloons. When your mommy dies, we can blow them up and she'll float to heaven." Johnny thinks that's neat and asks no more questions.

A few weeks later, Johnnys' dad comes home from work a few hours early. Johnny runs out of the house crying hysterically, "Daddy! Daddy! Mommy's dying!!"

His father says, "Calm down son! Why do you think Mommy's dying?"

"Uncle Harry is blowing up Mommys' balloons and she's screaming, "Oh God, I'm coming!"
#joke #food #breakfast
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 30 January 2009
  • Currently 5.70/10

Rating: 5.7/10 (67)

Christmas Present

A little boy sits on Santa's lap. Santa says "I bet I know what you want for Christmas," and with his finger he taps the boys nose with every letter he spells "T-O-Y-S".
The little boy thinks a second and says, "No, I have enough toys."
Santa replies once again tapping the boys nose with every letter, "C-A-N-D-Y."
Again the little boy thinks a second and says, "No, I have all kinds of candy."
"Well what would you like for Christmas?" Santa asks.
The little boy replies, tapping Santa on the nose, "P-U-S-S-Y, and don't tell me you don't have any because I can smell it on your finger!"
#joke #christmas
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 30 January 2010
  • Currently 4.50/10

Rating: 4.5/10 (66)

I Want To Buy A Golf Ball

A blonde golfer goes into the pro shop and looks around frowning.
Finally the pro askes her what she wants. "I can't find any green golf balls," the blonde golfer complains.
The pro looks all over the shop, and through all the catalogs, and finally calls the manufacturers and determines that sure enough, there are no green golf balls.
As the blonde golfer walks out the door in disgust, the pro asks her, "Before you go, could you tell me why you want green golf balls?"
"Well obviously, because they would be so much easier to find in the sand traps!"
#joke #blonde #sport #golf #golfer
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 30 January 2010
  • Currently 4.90/10

Rating: 4.9/10 (42)

Tony Roberts: Old Grandmother

My grandmother is older than the word supper.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 30 January 2012
  • Currently 4.35/10

Rating: 4.4/10 (20)

A Blonde's Brain

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead all work at the same office for a female boss who always goes home early.

"Hey, girls," says the brunette, "let's go home early tomorrow. She'll never know."

So the next day, they all leave right after the boss does. The brunette gets some extra gardening done, the redhead goes to a bar, and the blonde goes home to find her husband having sex with the female boss! She quietly sneaks out of the house and returns at her normal time.

"That was fun," says the brunette.

"We should do it again sometime."

"No way," says the blonde.

"I almost got caught."

#joke #blonde
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 30 January 2011
  • Currently 5.73/10

Rating: 5.7/10 (15)

8 short jokes for good start of the week

We all know where the Big Apple is but does anyone know where the ...
Minneapolis?

I ran out of toilet paper so I had to start using old newspapers ...
The Times are rough

Sink or swim?
Sod it, I'm going in the pool. The dishes can wait!

My friend asked me to name two things that hold water.
"Well, Dam."

I think it is a good idea to wear two different deodorants, one under each armpit
But that's just my two scents

So this kid comes home from school in panic and says Dad, they are all picking on meā€¦are we pyromaniacs?
The dad looks down sadly and says. We arson.

4 asked 5 out but got rejected ...
Cause it was 2 squared.

My wife told me to stop counting.
But I didn't one two.

#joke #fruit #apple
Joke | Source: Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 5.44/10

Rating: 5.4/10 (9)

Photographer

A photographer for a national magazine was assigned to take pictures of a great forest fire. He was advised that a small plane would be waiting to fly him over the fire.
The photographer arrived at the airstrip just an hour before sundown. Sure enough, a small Cessna airplane was waiting. He jumped in with his equipment and shouted, "Let's go!" The tense man sitting in the pilot's seat swung the plane into the wind and soon they were in the air, though flying erratically.
"Fly over the north side of the fire," said the photographer, "And make several low-level passes."
"Why?" asked the nervous pilot.
"Because I'm going to take pictures!" yelled the photographer. "I'm a photographer, and photographers take pictures!"
The pilot replied, "You mean you're not the flight instructor?"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 03 April 2013
  • Currently 4.00/10

Rating: 4.0/10 (10)

Finally, A Good Trump Joke

Donald is walking out of the White House and heading toward his limo, when a possible assassin steps forward and aims a gun.
A secret service agent, new on the job, shouts 'Mickey Mouse!'
This startles the would-be assassin and he is captured.
Later, the secret service agent's supervisor takes him aside and asks, 'What in the hell made you shout Mickey Mouse?'
Blushing, the agent replies, 'I got nervous. I meant to shout 'Donald, duck!'

Joke | Source: Friars Club - For over 25 years the Sunshine Committee has been providing entertainment, companionship and love to children's and senior citizens centers in the NY area.
  • Currently 7.32/10

Rating: 7.3/10 (79)

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