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Jokes of the day for Friday, 31 January 2014

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Friday, 31 January 2014

“Why do people study ...

“Why do people study gravity? It's a pretty attractive field.”

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes of the Day - Funny puns and jokes - the largest collection of humorous jokes on the internet. New pun added daily.
  • Currently 4.80/10

Rating: 4.8/10 (5)

A woman was sitting at a bar e...

A woman was sitting at a bar enjoying an after-work cocktail with her girlfriends when an exceptionally tall, handsome, extremely sexy young man entered. He was so striking that the woman could not take her eyes away from him. The young man noticed her overly attentive stare & walked directly toward her. Before she could offer her apologies for being so rude for staring, the young man said to her, 'I'll do anything, absolutely anything, that you want me to do, no matter how kinky, for $100, on one condition.' Flabbergasted, the woman asked what the condition was. The young man replied, 'You have to tell me what you want me to do in just three words.'
The woman considered his proposition for a moment, withdrew from her purse and slowly counted out five $20 bills, which she pressed into the young man's hand along with her address. She looked deeply into his eyes & slowly, meaningfully said, "Clean my house."
#joke
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 4.20/10

Rating: 4.2/10 (5)

The juggler...

A juggler, driving to his next performance, is stopped by the police. "What are these matches and lighter fluid doing in your car?" asks the cop.

"I'm a juggler and I juggle flaming torches in my act."

"Oh yeah?" says the doubtful cop. "Lets see you do it." The juggler gets out and starts juggling the blazing torches masterfully.

A couple driving by slows down to watch. "Wow," says the driver to his wife. "I'm glad I quit drinking. Look at the test they're giving now!"

#joke #policeman
Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.
  • Currently 6.83/10

Rating: 6.8/10 (6)

Funny Photo of the day - No sleds? No problem!

No sleds? No problem! - One horse power will be enough! | Source : Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 4.90/10

Rating: 4.9/10 (10)

Apple and Worm

Q: What did the apple say to the worm?

A: You're boring me.

#joke #short #animal #worm #fruit #apple
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 4.20/10

Rating: 4.2/10 (5)

Home layout


An architect from Bangladesh was visiting India.

An Indian friend of his took him home and showed the Bangladeshi guy around the house.

"This is the living room," said the Indian guy. "This is the dining hall, this is the store room, this is the children's bedroom, this is the master bedroom, this is the kitchen, the bathroom, the lavatory" and so on...

The Bangadeshi architect commented, "I liked the layout".

The Indian friend asked, "So, what kind of layout do you have in Bangladeshi homes?"

The architect from Bangladesh replied, "Well, it's pretty much the same, only there are no partitions."
#joke
Joke | Source: Really Funny Jokes - Really Funny jokes, adult jokes, Good jokes, short funny jokes, teacher jokes, affair jokes, kids jokes, doctor jokes, funny pictures
  • Currently 6.75/10

Rating: 6.8/10 (8)

Chuck Norris invented KFC's fa...

Chuck Norris invented KFC's famous secret recipe, with 11 herbs and spices. But nobody ever mentions the 12th ingredient: Fear
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 08 October 2012
  • Currently 5.86/10

Rating: 5.9/10 (7)

Like a door knob

Q: Why is a blonde like a door knob?

A: Because everybody gets a turn.

Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 18 September 2012
  • Currently 4.50/10

Rating: 4.5/10 (10)

Very Stupid Robbers


Two robbers were robbing a hotel. The first one said, "I hear sirens. Jump!"
The second one said, "But we're on the 13th floor!"
The first one screamed back, "This is no time to be superstitious."

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 30 July 2009
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (8)

A Recently Spotted Bumper Sticker:

"I believe in dragons, good men and other fantasy creatures."

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 15 May 2009
  • Currently 5.42/10

Rating: 5.4/10 (59)

Hollywood Squares

These great questions and answers are from the days when ' Hollywood Squares' game show responses were spontaneous, not scripted, as they are now. Peter Marshall was the host asking the questions, of course..
Q.. Paul, what is a good reason for pounding meat?
A. Paul Lynde: Loneliness!
(The audience laughed so long and so hard it took up almost 15 minutes of the show!)
Q. Do female frogs croak?
A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough.
Q. If you're going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should you be
A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it..
Q. True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years.
A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes.
Q. You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman?
A. Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.
Q. According to Cosmopolitan, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think that he is attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him if he's married?
A.. Rose Marie: No wait until morning.
Q. Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?
A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency..
Q. In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say 'I Love You'?
A. Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty..
Q. What are 'Do It,' 'I Can Help,' and 'I Can't Get Enough'?
A. George Gobel: I don't know, but it's coming from the next apartment.
Q. As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your hands while talking?
A. Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing old question Peter, and I'll give you a gesture you'll never forget.
Q. Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?
A. Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.
Q. Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during the first year?
A.. Charley Weaver: Of course not, I'm too busy growing strawberries.
Q. In bowling, what's a perfect score?
A. Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.
Q. It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at n*dist camps. One is politics, what is the other?
A. Paul Lynde: Tape measures.
Q. During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet?
A. Rose Marie: Unfortunately Peter, I'm always safe in the bedroom.
Q. Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls?
A. Marty Allen: Only after lights out.
Q. When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail. What will a goose do?
A. Paul Lynde: Make him bark?
Q. If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to?
A. Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark.
Q. According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people?
A. Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army.
Q. It is the most abused and neglected part of your body, what is it?
A. Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused, but it certainly isn't neglected..
Q. Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do?
A. George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.
Q. Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant?
A. Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?
Q. When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for its sex?
A.. Charley Weaver: I'll lend him the car, the rest is up to him
Q. Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they?
A. Charley Weaver: His feet.
Q.According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never do in bed?
A. Paul Lynde: Point and laugh
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 31 January 2010
  • Currently 8.23/10

Rating: 8.2/10 (47)

You got the warning

Finding one of her students making faces at

others on the playground, Ms. Smith stopped to

gently reprove the child.

Smiling sweetly, the Sunday school teacher

said, "Johnny, when I was a child, I was told

if that I made ugly faces, it would freeze and

I would stay like that."

Johnny looked up and replied, "Well, Ms Smith,

you can't say you weren't warned."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 31 January 2009
  • Currently 8.05/10

Rating: 8.0/10 (41)

A Polish immigrant went to the...

A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license.
First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test. The optician showed
him a card with the letters:
'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.'
"Can you read this?" the optician asked.
"Read it?" the Polish guy replied, "I know the guy."
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 31 January 2010
  • Currently 8.29/10

Rating: 8.3/10 (35)

You know that you are living in 2009 when...

1. You accidentally enter your PIN on the microwave.

2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.

3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of three.

4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.

5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they don't have e-mail addresses.

6. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home to help you carry in the groceries.

7. Every commercial on television has a web site at the bottom of the screen

8. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn't even have the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and you turn around to go and get it.

10. You get up in the morning and go on line before getting your coffee.

11. You start tilting your head sideways to smile. : )

12 You're reading this and nodding and laughing.

13. Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are going to send this list.

14. You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list.

15. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a #9 on this list.

#joke #drinks #coffee
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 31 January 2009
  • Currently 6.39/10

Rating: 6.4/10 (18)

Any questions?

Mommy has told her little girl all about the making of babies. Little Annie is now silent for a while.

"You understand it now?" Mommy asks.

"Yes," replies her daughter.

"Do you still have any questions?"

"Yes, how about little kittens? How does that work?"

"In exactly the same way as with babies."

"Wow!" the girl exclaims. "My daddy can do ANYTHING!"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 02 July 2008
  • Currently 6.13/10

Rating: 6.1/10 (15)

Say anything you want

Home, where you can say anything you want, because no one is listening to you anyway.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Minion Quotes - Despicable Me Minions is a website dedicated to minions. Have a good time reading minion quotes, funny quotes or entertain yourself playing minion games. Sajt vise ne radi
  • Currently 7.20/10

Rating: 7.2/10 (5)

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