Jokes of the day for Monday, 10 February 2014
| Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Monday, 10 February 2014 |
Enter a Password
A woman was helping her husband set up his computer, And at the appropriate point in the process. She told him that he would now need to enter a password, something he could remember easily and will use each time he has to log on.
The husband was in a rather amorous mood and figured he would try for the shock effect to bring this to his wife's attention. So, when the computer asked him to enter his password,
He made it plainly obvious to his wife that he was keying in....
P... E... N.... I... S...
His wife fell off her chair laughing when the computer replied:
***PASSWORD REJECTED. NOT LONG ENOUGH***
Beautiful garden
The race...
Two natural gas company service personnel, a senior training supervisor and a young trainee, were out checking meters in a suburban neighborhood. They parked their truck at the end of an alley and worked their way to the other end.
At the last house, a woman looking out her kitchen window watched the two men as they checked her gas meter. When they finished, the senior supervisor, proud of his physical condition, challenged his younger co-worker to a foot race back to their truck.
As they approached the truck, they realized that the woman from the last house they checked was huffing and puffing right behind them. They stopped and asked her what was wrong.
Gasping for breath, she replied, "When I saw two gas men running as hard as you two were, I figured I'd better run, too!"
Stripper and Model
Q: What do you get when you cross a stripper with a model?
A: A boner.
Chuck Norris doesn't brush his...
Chuck Norris doesn't brush his teeth, he scares the plaque off each morning by snarling in the mirror.Answering Machine Message 208
(Gameshow-announcer voice:) Hello, and welcome to Phone Tag! (Cheers in background.) If you'd like to join the game, please leave your name and number at the beep, and we'll try to reach you when you're not around. And thanks once again for playing Phone Tag!
Zen Judaism
Relinquishment will lead to calm and healing in your relationships. If that doesn't work, try small claims court.
Though only your skin, sinews, and bones remain, though your blood and flesh dry up and wither away, yet shall you meditate and not stir until you have attained full Enlightenment. But, first, a little nosh.
Accept misfortune as a blessing. Do not wish for perfect health or a life without problems. What would you talk about?
Be here now. Be someplace else later. Is that so complicated?
There is no escaping karma. In a previous life, you never called, you never wrote, you never visited. And whose fault was that?
The Torah says, "Love thy neighbor as thyself." The Buddha says there is no "self." So, maybe you are off the hook.If there is no self, whose arthritis is this?
Wherever you go, there you are. Your luggage is another story.
Do not let children play contact sports like football. These only lead to injuries and instill a violent, warlike nature. Encourage your child to play peaceful games, like "sports doctor."
The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single "oy."
This joke is reprinted from "Zen Judaism: For You a Little Enlightenment" by David M. Bader (Harmony Books, 2002). All rights reserved.
Teenage Daughters
There's an Englishman, Irishman & Scotsman all talking about their teenage daughters...The Englishman says " I was cleaning my daughter's room the other day & I found a packet of cigarettes. I was really shocked as I didn't even know she smokes".
The Scotsman says " That's nothing. I was cleaning my daughter's room the other day when I came across a half full bottle of Vodka. I was really shocked as I didn't even know she drank."
With that the Irishman says " Both of you have got nothing to worry about. I was cleaning my daughter's room the other day when I found packet of condoms. I was really shocked. I didn't even know she had a cock."
Do you know why the Cincinnati...
Do you know why the Cincinnati Bengals were the last NFL team to get a website?Because they couldnt put three W's in a row.
The Dyslexic Rabbi
Q: Did you hear about the dyslexic Rabbi?
A: He walks around saying "Yo."
Zen Judaism
Relinquishment will lead to calm and healing in your relationships. If that doesn't work, try small claims court.
Though only your skin, sinews, and bones remain, though your blood and flesh dry up and wither away, yet shall you meditate and not stir until you have attained full Enlightenment. But, first, a little nosh.
Accept misfortune as a blessing. Do not wish for perfect health or a life without problems. What would you talk about?
Be here now. Be someplace else later. Is that so complicated?
There is no escaping karma. In a previous life, you never called, you never wrote, you never visited. And whose fault was that?
The Torah says, "Love thy neighbor as thyself." The Buddha says there is no "self." So, maybe you are off the hook.If there is no self, whose arthritis is this?
Wherever you go, there you are. Your luggage is another story.
Do not let children play contact sports like football. These only lead to injuries and instill a violent, warlike nature. Encourage your child to play peaceful games, like "sports doctor."
The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single "oy."
This joke is reprinted from "Zen Judaism: For You a Little Enlightenment" by David M. Bader (Harmony Books, 2002). All rights reserved.
Use these words in a sentence....
Children were called upon a classroom to make sentences with words chosen by the teacher. The teacher smiled when Jack, a slow learner, raised his hand to participate during the challenge of making a sentence with the words "Defeat," "Defense," "Deduct," and "Detail."
Jack stood thinking for a while, all eyes focused on him while his classmates awaited his reply. Smiling, he then proudly shouted out, "Defeat of deduct went over defense before detail."
Any little ones yet?
Mrs. O'Donovan was walking down O'Connell Street in Dublin, and coming in the opposite direction was Father O'Rafferty.
"Hello," said the Father, "And how is Mrs. O'Donovan, didn't I marry you two years ago?"
"You did that, Father."
"And are there any little ones yet?"
"No, not yet, Father." Said she.
"Well now, I'm going to Rome next week, and I'll light a candle for you."
"Thank-you, Father." And away she went.
A few years later they met again.
"Well now, Mrs. O'Donovan," said the Father, "how are you?"
"Oh, very well," said she.
"And tell me," he said, "have you any little ones yet?"
"Oh yes, Father. I've had three sets of twins, and four singles - ten in all."
"Now isn't that wonderful," he said "And how is your lovely husband?"
"Oh," she said, "he's over in Rome to blow that bloody \\candle out!"
