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Jokes of the day for Tuesday, 26 January 2016

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Tuesday, 26 January 2016

“I recycle. I just bo

“I recycle. I just bought a used Harley.”

#joke #short
  • Currently 2.00/10

Rating: 2.0/10 (4)

An American manufacturer is sh

An American manufacturer is showing his machine factory to a potential customer from Albania. At noon, when the lunch whistle blows, two thousand men and women immediately stop work and leave the building.
"Your workers, they're escaping!" cries the visitor. "You've got to stop them."
"Don't worry, they'll be back," says the American. And indeed, at exactly one o'clock the whistle blows again, and all the workers return from their break.
When the tour is over, the manufacturer turns to his guest and says, "Well, now, which of these machines would you like to order?"
"Forget the machines," says the visitor. "How much do you want for that whistle?"
#joke
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 3.60/10

Rating: 3.6/10 (5)

SLIDESHOW #59 - Funny Photo Slideshow

Water in the carburetor

WIFE: "There's trouble with the car. It has water in the carburetor."

HUSBAND: "Water in the carburetor? That's ridiculous."

WIFE: "I tell you the car has water in the carburetor."

HUSBAND: "You don't even know what a carburetor is. I'll check it out. Where's the car?"

WIFE: "In the pool."

#joke
  • Currently 8.23/10

Rating: 8.2/10 (13)

Funny video of the day - Best Videos of the Week 3 January 2016

Best Videos of the Week 3 January 2016 - GoPros in washing machines, insane bungee jumping, the coolest squad of corgis, and more! - link to page video is posted initially.
  • Currently 3.60/10

Rating: 3.6/10 (5)

 Answering Machine Message 114


Hi!! You've reached Janet and Chris's room. We're not in right now. If this is our parents, we're at the library studying. Yeah, yeah, that's it, that's the ticket. If this is John, Chris is out with the girls at the party. Yeah, that's it. If this is any one else, we're at a party and you're not. Yeah, a party with the president. Yeah and the... Pope. Yeah that's it.

#joke
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 2.00/10

Rating: 2.0/10 (4)

Funny Photo of the day - Never skip body alignment day!

Never skip body alignment day! - Or you might look funny in Swimsuit! | Source : Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 6.71/10

Rating: 6.7/10 (7)

Paging John Edward

Twenty happy years later, the man dies, and the woman, Mary, sticks to her vow and visits a seance four weeks later. It went something like this:
Mary: "Is there anybody there? I'm seeking my deceased husband John. Is he there?"
Strange, booming voice: "Mary? Is that you, Mary?"
Mary: "Yes John, is that you?"
John: "Yes, it's me."
Mary: "How are things where you are, John? What's it like?"
John: "Great, Mary. Everyday after breakfast we make love until lunchtime, which lasts about half-hour, then we make love until dinner. After dinner, we make love until we fall asleep. It's great. I can't wait until you get here."
Mary (shocked): "Is that what Heaven's like?"
John: "I'm not in Heaven."
Mary (fearing the worst): "Then where are you?"
John: "I'm a rabbit in Florida!"
#joke
Joke | Source: Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
  • Currently 2.33/10

Rating: 2.3/10 (3)

A man goes to his doctor compl

A man goes to his doctor complaining about migraines. His doctor tells him, "I also suffer from the same ailment. Every time I get one, I give my wife oral sex. When she has an orgasm, she tightens her legs around my head which gets rid of the pain. You should try it sometime." Two weeks later on a return visit, the patient tells his doctor, "Your suggestion worked and I'd like to tell you that you have a very nice house."
#joke #doctor
Joke | Source: Laugh Factory Network - Watch our huge library of the best stand-up comedy videos, get information on our stand-up comedians, read our joke of the day
  • Currently 4.25/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (4)

Pet Store

A lady was walking down the street to work and she saw a parrot on a perch in front of a pet store. The parrot said to her, “Hey lady, you are really ugly.” Well, the lady is furious! She stormed past the store to her work.
On the way home she saw the same parrot and it said to her, “Hey lady, you are really ugly.” She was incredibly ticked now. The next day the same parrot again said to her, “Hey lady, you are really ugly.”
The lady was so ticked that she went into the store and said that she would sue the store and kill the bird. The store manager replied profusely and promised he would make sure the parrot didn’t say it again.
When the lady walked past the store that day after work the parrot called to her, “Hey lady.”
She paused and said, “Yes?”
The bird said, “You know.”

#joke
  • Currently 5.43/10

Rating: 5.4/10 (7)

Dumb Blond

There was two dumb blonds that was walking down the street and they find a mirror and one of them picks it up and looks in it and says that face looks familiar. then the other blond takes it from her and says duh its me.

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 06 May 2015
  • Currently 6.44/10

Rating: 6.4/10 (9)

A man is in his front yard att...

A man is in his front yard attempting to flya kite with his son. However, every time thekite gets up into the air, it comes crashingback down.
This goes on for a while, when his wife sticksher head out of the front door and yells, "Youneed more tail."
The father turns to his son and says, "Son,I'll never understand your mother. Yesterday,I told her I needed more tail, and she told meto go fly a kite!"
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 02 November 2014
  • Currently 7.55/10

Rating: 7.5/10 (11)

Sheng Wang: Toilet With No Water

I took a dump in a toilet with no water. I had to tell my friends, Yeah, I dropped the kids off at the skate park.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 26 January 2012
  • Currently 3.66/10

Rating: 3.7/10 (50)

Brian Regan: New Baby Greeting Cards

They have a section called, New Baby. I dont think you need the word new. Theyd have to clear up confusion. Do you have an Old Baby section? Cause my friends had a baby, and I let time get away from me, and hes 12.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 26 January 2011
  • Currently 4.74/10

Rating: 4.7/10 (42)

What do blondes say

Q: What do Blondes say after sex?

A1: Thanks Guys.

A2: Are you boys all in the same band?

A3: Do you guys all play for the Green Bay Packers?

#joke #short #blonde
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 26 January 2010
  • Currently 3.19/10

Rating: 3.2/10 (36)

Seal at the mechanic

A penguin takes his car to the shop to have it fixed. While he's waiting, he goes into a cool ice cream shop and eats ice cream. Having flippers instead hands, he gets the ice cream all over himself. He's goes back to the auto shop and asks the mechanic what was wrong with his car.
"Well," says the mechanic, "it looks like you blew a seal."
The penguin replies, "It's just ice cream, I swear!!"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 05 September 2013
  • Currently 5.55/10

Rating: 5.5/10 (11)

Bad Breath

We should have a way of telling people when they have bad breath.
Something like, "Well, I'm bored... let's go brush our teeth."
Or, "I've got to make a phone call, hold this gum in your mouth for me, will you."

#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 7.67/10

Rating: 7.7/10 (6)

Halloween party

A nun gets into a cab and the cab driver won't stop staring at her.

She asks him why is he staring and he replies,

'I have a question to ask you, but I don't want to offend you.'

She answers, 'My dear son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive.'

'Well,' the cab driver says, 'I've always had a fantasy that a nun performs oral sex on me.'

She responds, 'Well, let's see what we can do about that. First, you have to be single, and secondly, you must be Catholic.'

The cab driver is very excited and says,

'Yes, I am single and I'm Catholic too!'

The nun says, 'OK, pull into the next alley.'

He does and the nun fulfils his fantasy.

But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying. 'My dear child, why are you crying?' says the nun.

'Forgive me sister, but I have sinned,' says the cabby. 'I lied. I must confess, I'm married and I'm Jewish.'

The nun says, 'That's OK. My name is Kevin and I'm on my way to a Halloween party.'

#joke #halloween
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 22 November 2010
  • Currently 6.00/10

Rating: 6.0/10 (31)

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