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Jokes of the day for Sunday, 21 February 2016

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Sunday, 21 February 2016

Friendship isn't about who you know

Friendship isn't about who you know the longest, it is about who walked in your life and said, “I'm here for you” and proved it.
#joke #short
  • Currently 6.17/10

Rating: 6.2/10 (6)

A man and his wife were drivin

A man and his wife were driving through Arkansas on their way from New York to California. Looking at his fuel gauge, the man decided to stop and the next gasoline station and fill up.
"What can I do fer y'all?" the attendant asked.
"Fill it with supreme," the man said.
While the attendant was filling the tank, he looked the car up, down and sideways. "What kinda car is dis here?" he asked. "I never seen one like it before."
"It's a brand new Cadillac," the driver said proudly. "It has power steering, power seats, power sun roof, power mirrors, AM/FM radio with a CD player, an 8-speaker stereo, rack and pinion steering, disk brakes, leather interior, digital instruments..."
"Wow," said the attendant. "That there's the fanciest car I ever did see."
"How much do I owe you?" asked the driver when the attendant had finished.
"That'll be $30.25," he replied. The driver pulled out his money clip and peeled off a $20 and a $10. Then he went into his pocket and pulled out a handful of change. Mixed in with the change were a few golf tees.
"What're them little things there?" asked the attendant.
"That's what I put my balls on when I drive," said the man.
"Goodness," said the attendant. "Them Cadillac people think of everything."
#joke
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 3.17/10

Rating: 3.2/10 (6)

SLIDESHOW #56 - Funny Photo Slideshow

Etch-A-Sketch

Memo:To all employees
Subject:Increased productivity

Management has determined that there is no longer any need for network or software applications support.(See below)

The goal is to remove all computers from the desktop by December 31, 1999. Instead, everyone will be provided with an Etch-A-Sketch. There are many sound reasons for doing this:

1. No Y2K problems

2. No technical glitches keeping work from being done.

3. No more wasted time reading and writing emails.

Frequently Asked Questions for Etch-A-Sketch Technical Support :

Q: My Etch-A-Sketch has all of these funny littlelines all over the screen.
A: Pick it up and shake it.

Q: How do I turn my Etch-A-Sketch off?
A: Pick it up and shake it.

Q: What's the shortcut for Undo?
A: Pick it up and shake it.

Q: How do I create a New Document window?
A: Pick it up and shake it.

Q: How do I set the background and foreground to the same color?
A: Pick it up and shake it.

Q: What is the proper procedure for rebooting my Etch-A-Sketch?
A: Pick it up and shake it.

Q: How do I delete a document on my Etch-A-Sketch?
A: Pick it up and shake it.

Q: How do I save my Etch-A-Sketch document?
A: Don't shake it.

#joke #december
  • Currently 6.80/10

Rating: 6.8/10 (10)

Funny video of the day - Freaky Girl Uses her Powers to Crush Cans !

Freaky Girl Uses her Powers to Crush Cans ! - link to page video is posted initially.
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (2)

What Do You Get When ...

What do you get when you cross a Buddhist and a Druid?
Someone who worships the tree that is not there.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
  • Currently 3.60/10

Rating: 3.6/10 (5)

Funny Photo of the day - Children playing in mud puddles

Children playing in mud puddles | Source : Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 6.71/10

Rating: 6.7/10 (7)

So fat

Your mamma is so fat! She used "Earl Shy" to paint her toenails.

#joke #short
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (2)

Q: What is the difference betw

Q: What is the difference between a Harley and a vacuum cleaner?
A: The location of the dirt bag.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Laugh Factory Network - Watch our huge library of the best stand-up comedy videos, get information on our stand-up comedians, read our joke of the day
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

An elderly couple had dinner a...

An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating,the wives left the table and went into the kitchen.
The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, "Last night we went out to anew restaurant and it was really great. I would recommend it very highly."
The other man said, "What is the name of the restaurant?"
The first man thought and thought and finally said, "What is the name ofthat flower you give to someone you love? You know... the one that's red andhas thorns."
"Do you mean a rose?"
"Yes, that's the one," replied the man. He then turned towards the kitchenand yelled, "Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to lastnight?"
#joke
Joke | Source: jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
  • Currently 6.80/10

Rating: 6.8/10 (10)

“With organic whiskey

“With organic whiskey, one may attain the stupornatural.”

#joke #short
  • Currently 2.00/10

Rating: 2.0/10 (4)

 Business One-liners 62


If a straight line fit is required, obtain only two data points.
If all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail.
If an experiment works, you must be using the wrong equipment.
If an item is advertised as "under $50", you can bet it's not $19.95.
If anything can go wrong, it will.
If anything is used to its full potential, it will break.
If at first you do succeed, try to hide your astonishment.
If at first you don't succeed, blame it on your supervisor.
If at first you don't succeed, cheat!
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

#joke
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 5.40/10

Rating: 5.4/10 (5)

Duct Tape

Jeff walks into a bar and sees his friend Paul slumped over the bar. He walks over and asks Paul what's wrong.

"Well," replies Paul, "you know that beautiful girl at work that I wanted to ask out, but I got an erection every time I saw her?"

"Yes," replies Jeff with a laugh.

"Well," says Paul, straightening up, "I finally plucked up the courage to ask her out, and she agreed."

"That's great!" says Jeff, "When are you going out?"

"I went to meet her this evening," continues Paul, "but I was worried I'd get an erection again. So I got some duct tape and taped my penis to my leg, so if I did, it wouldn't show."

"Sensible" says Jeff.

"So I get to her door," says Paul, "and I rang her doorbell. She answered it in the sheerest, tiniest dress you ever saw."

"And what happened then?"

(Paul slumps back over the bar again.)

"I kicked her in the face."

#joke #walksintoabar
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 21 February 2011
  • Currently 7.08/10

Rating: 7.1/10 (51)

Jody and Sara live in the swam...

Jody and Sara live in the swamps of Louisiana.
One day Sara came up missing.

It took three days for all of the locals and the sheriff to find Sara. The sheriff says to Jody, "I have bad news and I have good news about Sara."

"What is the bad news", asks Jody?

"We found Sara face down in the swamp, she's dead."

"Well what kind of good news can there be", ask Jody?

The Sheriff responded, "We got 24 blue crab off her, we decided to leave for another 3 days and run her again."
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 21 February 2011
  • Currently 3.78/10

Rating: 3.8/10 (49)

Cotton Candy

So this old man is walking down the street in Brooklyn.

He sees a young boy sitting on the street in front of a candy shop, shoving sweets in his mouth as fast as possible.

The man walks up to the boy and says "You know son, it's really not healthy to eat all that candy."

The kid looks up at him and says, "You know my grandfather lived to be 97 years old."

The man replies "Oh and did he eat a lot of candy?" The kid looks at him and says "No, but he minded his own fucking business."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 21 February 2013
  • Currently 5.26/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (50)

Another wife?

At the pre-birth class for couples who'd already had at least one child the instructor raised the question of how to break the news to an older child.

"Some parents tell the older child, 'We love you so much that we decided to bring another child into our family.'

"But think about that for a second. Ladies, what if your husband came home one day and said, 'Honey, I love you so much I decided to bring home another wife.'?"

One of the women spoke up right away, "Does she cook?"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 21 February 2009
  • Currently 7.21/10

Rating: 7.2/10 (42)

Ploughing The Land


A husband and wife were driving down a country lane on their way to visit some friends. They came to a muddy patch in the road and the car became bogged. After a few minutes of trying to get the car out by themselves, they saw a young farmer coming down the lane, driving some oxen before him.
The farmer stopped when he saw the couple in trouble and offered to pull the car out of the mud for $50. The husband accepted and minutes later the car was free. The farmer turned to the husband and said, "You know, you're the tenth car I've helped out of the mud today."
The husband looks around at the fields incredulously and asks the farmer, "When do you have time to plough your land? At night?"
"No," the young farmer replied seriously, "Night is when I put the water in the hole."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 21 February 2013
  • Currently 5.85/10

Rating: 5.9/10 (40)

Cast Out of Eden

Q: What excuse did Adam give to his children as to why he no longer lived in Eden?
A: "Your mother ate us out of house and home."
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
  • Currently 8.00/10

Rating: 8.0/10 (16)

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