Jokes of the day for Monday, 20 June 2016
|Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Monday, 20 June 2016
A three-year-old went with his...A three-year-old went with his dad to see a litter of kittens. On returning home, he breathlessly informed his mother there were 2 boy kittens and 2 girl kittens.
"How did you know?" his mother asked.
"Daddy picked them up and looked underneath," he replied, "I think it's printed on the bottom."
“Spoilsport is the ha
“Spoilsport is the harbor where booty is shipped in.”
Euro 2016 is boring...Euro 2016 is boring. You sit in front of the tv all day and UEFA somebody to score.
A group of friends who went deA group of friends who went deer hunting separated intopairs for the day. That night, one hunter returned alone, staggering undera hugh buck.
"Where's Harry?", asked another hunter.
"He fainted a couple miles up the trail,"
Harry's partner answered. "You left him lying there alone and carriedthe deer back?"
"It was a tough decision," said the hunter. "But I figuredno one is going to steal Harry."
A final appeal...
The priest was preparing a man for his long day's journey into night.
Whispering firmly, the priest said, "Denounce the devil! Let him know how little you think of his evil!"
The dying man said nothing.
The priest repeated his order. Still the dying man said nothing.
The priest asked, "Why do you refuse to denounce the devil and his evil?"
The dying man said, "Until I know where I'm heading, I don't think I ought to piss anyone off."
Answering Machine Message 189
This is Jeff, you're not in now, so I'll leave a message.
A sorority girl is having sex with her boyfriend one night when she asks, âJust this once, can we put it in the other hole? I think Iâd really like that.â
âAre you crazy?â her boyfriend cries. âYou might get pregnant that way!â
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Calamjo
Q: How do you count cows?
Q: How do you count cows?
A: With a cowculator.
dumb blondes10 blondes and 1 brunette were mountain climbing one day. so they were climbing and they got into trouble at a spot one of them had to give up there life so they could continue on so the brunette said i'll do it so you girls can go on so she jumped to the jagged rocks below (ouch) the dumb blondes felt sorry for the brunette so they jumped of to
A tough looking group of hairy...A tough looking group of hairy bikers are riding when they see a girl about to jump off a bridge, so they stop. The leader, a big burly man, gets off his bike and says, "What are you doing?" "I'm going to commit suicide," she says. While he doesn’t want to appear insensitive, he also doesn’t want to miss an opportunity, so he asks, "Well, before you jump, why don't you give me a kiss?" She does, and it is a long, deep, lingering kiss. After she's finished, the tough, hairy biker says, "Wow! That was the best kiss I’ve ever had! That's a real talent you’re wasting. You could be famous. Why are you committing suicide?" "My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl…"
Dan Cummins: Greeting Card WriterI dont just write jokes. You know what Im best at? Greeting cards. Im a really good greeting card writer. And Im going to prove it with a little sample of my work Im going to share for you: As each day passes, you grow older, weaker. Ive been working out. Revenge is near. Happy Fathers Day
Zach Galifianakis: Waking Up With an ErectionGuys, have you ever woken up with an erection, and then you realize youre just in a massage chair in a Brookstone?
News headlines 04Man Minus Ear Waives Hearing
New Vaccine May Contain Rabies
Deaf College Opens Doors to Hearing
Arson Suspect is Held in Massachusetts Fire
Enfields Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
Air Head Fired
Red Tape Holds Up New Bridge
Bank Drive-in Window Blocked by Board
Deer Kill 17,000
Old School Pillars are Replaced by Alumni
War Dims Hope for Peace
A guy was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking spot.
Looking up to heaven, he said: "Lord, take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I will go to mass every Sunday for the rest of me life and give up me whiskey!"
Miraculously, a parking spot suddenly appeared.
The guy looked up again and said: "Never mind, I found one."
A married couple was in a terr...A married couple was in a terrible accident where the man's face was severely burned. The doctor told the husband that they couldn't graft any skin from his body because he was too skinny. So the wife offered to donate some of her own skin.
However, the only skin on her body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from her buttocks.
The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the skin came from, and they requested that the doctor also honor their secret. After all, this was a very delicate matter.
After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the man's new face. He looked more handsome than he ever had before! All his friends and relatives just went on and on about his youthful beauty!
One day, he was alone with his wife, and he was overcome with emotion at her sacrifice. He said, "Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for me. How can I possibly repay you?"
"My darling," she replied, "I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheeks.