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Jokes of the day for Monday, 20 June 2016

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Monday, 20 June 2016

A three-year-old went with his...

A three-year-old went with his dad to see a litter of kittens. On returning home, he breathlessly informed his mother there were 2 boy kittens and 2 girl kittens.
"How did you know?" his mother asked.
"Daddy picked them up and looked underneath," he replied, "I think it's printed on the bottom."
#joke
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 4.88/10

Rating: 4.9/10 (8)

“Spoilsport is the ha

“Spoilsport is the harbor where booty is shipped in.”

#joke #short
  • Currently 5.40/10

Rating: 5.4/10 (5)

SLIDESHOW #15 - Funny Photo Slideshow

Euro 2016 is boring...

Euro 2016 is boring. You sit in front of the tv all day and UEFA somebody to score.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 4.14/10

Rating: 4.1/10 (7)

A group of friends who went de

A group of friends who went deer hunting separated intopairs for the day. That night, one hunter returned alone, staggering undera hugh buck.
"Where's Harry?", asked another hunter.
"He fainted a couple miles up the trail,"
Harry's partner answered. "You left him lying there alone and carriedthe deer back?"
"It was a tough decision," said the hunter. "But I figuredno one is going to steal Harry."
#joke
Joke | Source: jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
  • Currently 7.44/10

Rating: 7.4/10 (16)

Funny Photo of the day - What is this?

What is this? - Why am i not there?! | Source : Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 5.40/10

Rating: 5.4/10 (5)

A final appeal...

The priest was preparing a man for his long day's journey into night.

Whispering firmly, the priest said, "Denounce the devil! Let him know how little you think of his evil!"

The dying man said nothing.

The priest repeated his order. Still the dying man said nothing.

The priest asked, "Why do you refuse to denounce the devil and his evil?"

The dying man said, "Until I know where I'm heading, I don't think I ought to piss anyone off."

#joke
  • Currently 9.13/10

Rating: 9.1/10 (16)

 Answering Machine Message 189


This is Jeff, you're not in now, so I'll leave a message.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 2.86/10

Rating: 2.9/10 (7)

Animated GIF - Prince William hilariously...

Prince William hilariously... - Prince William hilariously gets scolded by his grandmother! - link to page gif is posted initially.
  • Currently 8.33/10

Rating: 8.3/10 (3)

Sex Ed

A sorority girl is having sex with her boyfriend one night when she asks, “Just this once, can we put it in the other hole? I think I’d really like that.”

“Are you crazy?” her boyfriend cries. “You might get pregnant that way!”

Submitted by Curtis

Edited by Calamjo

#joke
  • Currently 2.00/10

Rating: 2.0/10 (4)

Q: How do you count cows?

Q: How do you count cows?
A: With a cowculator.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Laugh Factory Network - Watch our huge library of the best stand-up comedy videos, get information on our stand-up comedians, read our joke of the day
  • Currently 5.43/10

Rating: 5.4/10 (7)

dumb blondes

10 blondes and 1 brunette were mountain climbing one day. so they were climbing and they got into trouble at a spot one of them had to give up there life so they could continue on so the brunette said i'll do it so you girls can go on so she jumped to the jagged rocks below (ouch) the dumb blondes felt sorry for the brunette so they jumped of to

THE END

#joke #blonde
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 20 June 2011
  • Currently 2.24/10

Rating: 2.2/10 (74)

A tough looking group of hairy...

A tough looking group of hairy bikers are riding when they see a girl about to jump off a bridge, so they stop. The leader, a big burly man, gets off his bike and says, "What are you doing?" "I'm going to commit suicide," she says. While he doesn’t want to appear insensitive, he also doesn’t want to miss an opportunity, so he asks, "Well, before you jump, why don't you give me a kiss?" She does, and it is a long, deep, lingering kiss. After she's finished, the tough, hairy biker says, "Wow! That was the best kiss I’ve ever had! That's a real talent you’re wasting. You could be famous. Why are you committing suicide?" "My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl…"
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 20 June 2015
  • Currently 8.28/10

Rating: 8.3/10 (50)

Dan Cummins: Greeting Card Writer

I dont just write jokes. You know what Im best at? Greeting cards. Im a really good greeting card writer. And Im going to prove it with a little sample of my work Im going to share for you: As each day passes, you grow older, weaker. Ive been working out. Revenge is near. Happy Fathers Day
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 20 June 2010
  • Currently 4.61/10

Rating: 4.6/10 (41)

Zach Galifianakis: Waking Up With an Erection

Guys, have you ever woken up with an erection, and then you realize youre just in a massage chair in a Brookstone?
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 20 June 2012
  • Currently 3.86/10

Rating: 3.9/10 (37)

News headlines 04

Man Minus Ear Waives Hearing

New Vaccine May Contain Rabies

Deaf College Opens Doors to Hearing

Arson Suspect is Held in Massachusetts Fire

Enfields Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide

Air Head Fired

Red Tape Holds Up New Bridge

Bank Drive-in Window Blocked by Board

Deer Kill 17,000

Old School Pillars are Replaced by Alumni

War Dims Hope for Peace

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 20 June 2012
  • Currently 4.21/10

Rating: 4.2/10 (29)

Parking Spot

A guy was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking spot.

Looking up to heaven, he said: "Lord, take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I will go to mass every Sunday for the rest of me life and give up me whiskey!"

Miraculously, a parking spot suddenly appeared.

The guy looked up again and said: "Never mind, I found one."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 24 February 2015
  • Currently 8.00/10

Rating: 8.0/10 (16)

A married couple was in a terr...

A married couple was in a terrible accident where the man's face was severely burned. The doctor told the husband that they couldn't graft any skin from his body because he was too skinny. So the wife offered to donate some of her own skin.
However, the only skin on her body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from her buttocks.
The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the skin came from, and they requested that the doctor also honor their secret. After all, this was a very delicate matter.
After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the man's new face. He looked more handsome than he ever had before! All his friends and relatives just went on and on about his youthful beauty!
One day, he was alone with his wife, and he was overcome with emotion at her sacrifice. He said, "Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for me. How can I possibly repay you?"
"My darling," she replied, "I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheeks.
#joke #doctor
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 01 May 2016
  • Currently 7.13/10

Rating: 7.1/10 (8)

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