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Jokes of the day for Sunday, 23 October 2016

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Sunday, 23 October 2016

Suspecting her husband of infi

Suspecting her husband of infidelity, the woman attempted to put an end to it by arousing his jealousy.
"What would you say if I told you that I've been sleeping with your best friend?" she asked provocatively.
"Well," he mused, "I'd have to say that you're a lesbian!"
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 2.00/10

Rating: 2.0/10 (4)

Things that make you go hmmmmmm

How come wrong numbers are never busy?

Do people in Australia call the rest of the world 'up over'?

Does killing time damage eternity?

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

Why is it called lipstick if you can still move your lips?

Why is it that night falls but day breaks?

Why is the third hand on the watch called a second hand?

Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down the radio?

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?

Can you buy an entire chess set in a pawn-shop?

Day light savings time - why are they saving it and where do they keep it?

Do Roman paramedics refer to IV's as '4's'?

Do you think that when they asked George Washington for ID that he just whipped out a quarter?

Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?

How can there be self-help 'groups'?

#joke #fruit #lemon #drinks #juice
Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.
  • Currently 8.85/10

Rating: 8.9/10 (20)

“I've been eating a

“I've been eating a lot of pasta lately I think it's becoming a part of my daily rotini!”

#joke #short #food #eating
Joke | Source: Jokes of the Day - Funny puns and jokes - the largest collection of humorous jokes on the internet. New pun added daily.
  • Currently 1.80/10

Rating: 1.8/10 (5)

Funny Photo of the day - Hiding in the shade

Hiding in the shade | Source : Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 9.00/10

Rating: 9.0/10 (5)

Some Very Common Traits In Two Drunks

A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he could buy him a drink. "Why of course," comes the reply.
The first man then asks: "Where are you from?"
"I'm from Ireland," replies the second man.
The first man responds: "You don't say, I'm from Ireland too! Let's have another round to Ireland."
"Of course," replies the second man.
I'm curious, the first man then asks: "Where in Ireland are you from?"
"Dublin," comes the reply.
"I can't believe it," says the first man. "I'm from Dublin too! Let's have another drink to Dublin."
"Of course," replies the second man.
Curiosity again strikes and the first man asks: "What school did you go to?"
"Saint Mary's," replies the second man, "I graduated in '62."
"This is unbelievable!", the first man says. "I went to Saint Mary's and I graduated in '62, too!"
About that time in comes one of the regulars and sits down at the bar. "What's been going on?" he asks the bartender.
"Nothing much," replies the bartender. "The O'Kinly twins are drunk again."
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 08 July 2016
  • Currently 7.71/10

Rating: 7.7/10 (14)

I went to the shop the other d...

I went to the shop the other day. I was only in there for about 5 minutes and when I came out, there was a damn traffic officer writing a parking ticket for over-running the meter.
So I went up to him and said,
"Come on, how about giving a man a break?"
He ignored me and continued writing the ticket.
So I called him a pencil-necked Nazi. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for also having parked partially on the pavement!!
So I called him a son of a mutant pig. He finished the second ticket and put it on the car with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket!!
This went on for about 20 minutes and the more I abused him, the more tickets he wrote. I didn't give a damn.
My car was parked around the corner...
#joke #policeman #animal #pig
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 04 April 2015
  • Currently 8.55/10

Rating: 8.5/10 (53)

A drunk walks into a crowded b...

A drunk walks into a crowded bar and takes the last barstool next to an older woman. After awhile, the woman starts to smell this horrible odor coming from the direction of the drunk. She turns to him and says, "Excuse me Mister, but did you just shit yourself?" The drunk replied, "Yes ma'am, I have indeed shit myself." The woman says, "Well, why don't you go somewhere and clean yourself up?"

The drunk says, "'Cause I'm not finished yet..."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 23 October 2009
  • Currently 4.89/10

Rating: 4.9/10 (75)

Donnell Rawlings: Friends With Cool Jobs

Comedys a tough job, man. Ive got friends who got cool jobs. One of my friends, hes a porno star. Guess how he got discovered? This girl sat on his lap, and she was like, Ooh, you should do porno! Same girl sat on my lap and was like, Ooh, you should tell jokes!
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 23 October 2010
  • Currently 4.85/10

Rating: 4.8/10 (52)

President Roosevelt once rode ...

President Roosevelt once rode his horse 100 miles. Chuck Norris carried his the same distance in half the time.
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 23 October 2011
  • Currently 2.79/10

Rating: 2.8/10 (47)

Jeff Dunham: Sex Life of the Elderly

Jeff: I had grandparents that were well into their 80s and still were having fun.
Walter: Their 80s? The hell kind of sex is that? Was it good for you? I dont remember. It was three minutes ago!, Who are you?!?.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 23 October 2009
  • Currently 4.10/10

Rating: 4.1/10 (41)

Paul F. Tompkins: Name in Print

I do not understand why people write letters to magazines. It accomplishes nothing; its pointless. [If] you want to see your name in print that bad, write on a piece of paper and look at it: Ah, there it is. Just as I always dreamed.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 23 October 2011
  • Currently 4.03/10

Rating: 4.0/10 (33)

The Skydiving Instructor

I went skydiving today for the first time.
This guy strapped himself to me, we jumped out of the plane.
As we plummeted he said, "So how long have you been an instructor?"

#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 8.08/10

Rating: 8.1/10 (12)

At a local coffee bar, a young...

At a local coffee bar, a young woman was expounding on her idea of the perfect mate to some of her friends.
"The man I marry must be a shining light amongst company. He must be musical. Tell jokes. Sing. Entertain. And stay home at night!"
An old granny overheard and spoke up, "Girl, if that's all you want, get a TV!"
#joke #drinks #coffee
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 8.65/10

Rating: 8.6/10 (17)

Greg Giraldo: On Catholicism

We have a whole religion based on a woman who really stuck to her story.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 17 March 2011
  • Currently 4.56/10

Rating: 4.6/10 (55)

The Boring Speaker

The after-dinner speaker just didn't have a Stop button. He burbled on and on and on, oblivious to his increasingly restless audience. Finally one of the more drunken diners hurled an empty wine bottle at him. It missed, and hit the Chairman instead.
As the Chairman slid slowly to the floor clutching his head, he was heard to murmur, "Hit me again, I can still hear him."

#joke #food #dinner #drinks #wine
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 8.47/10

Rating: 8.5/10 (15)

A blonde approaches a stranger...

A blonde approaches a stranger and asks what time it is. The stranger says, "11:45." The blonde says, "Really? That's so weird. Every time I ask that question, I get a different answer."
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 22 March 2016
  • Currently 4.44/10

Rating: 4.4/10 (9)

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