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Jokes of the day for Friday, 17 August 2018

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Friday, 17 August 2018

I used to be a demol...

“I used to be a demolition expert - it was a blast.”

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes of the Day - Funny puns and jokes - the largest collection of humorous jokes on the internet. New pun added daily.
  • Currently 5.44/10

Rating: 5.4/10 (9)

What did the drummer call his...

What did the drummer call his twin daughters?
- Anna one, Anna two...
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 8.33/10

Rating: 8.3/10 (30)

Working With God

A farmer purchases an old, run-down, abandoned farm with plans to turn it into a thriving enterprise. The fields are grown over with weeds, the farmhouse is falling apart, and the fences are collapsing all around.During his first day of work, the town preacher stops by to bless the man's work, saying, "May you and God work together to make this the farm of your dreams!"A few months later, the preacher stops by again to call on the farmer. Lo and behold, it's like a completely different place--the farm house is completely rebuilt and in excellent condition, there are plenty of cattle and other livestock happily munching on feed in well-fenced pens, and the fields are filled with crops planted in neat rows. "Amazing!" the preacher says. "Look what God and you have accomplished together!""Yes, reverend," says the farmer, "but remember what the farm was like when God was working it alone!"
#joke
Joke | Source: Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
  • Currently 8.36/10

Rating: 8.4/10 (25)

A girl was visiting her blonde...

A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were.
The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex.
Her friend said, 'Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?'
'HELLLOOOOOOO......,' answered the blonde. 'They're watch dogs'!
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 19 October 2016
  • Currently 8.29/10

Rating: 8.3/10 (45)

An elderly man goes into his d

An elderly man goes into his doctors office for an annual physical. After a while, the doctor comes out and says, "I'm sorry Bill, but we have discovered you have a condition which only allows you another 6 weeks to live."
"But Doctor," Bill replied, "I feel great. I haven't felt better in years. This just can't be true. Isn't there anything I can do?"
After a moment the doctor said, "Well, you might start going down the street to that new health spa and take a mud bath every day."
Excitedly Bill asked, "And that will cure me?"
"No," replied the doctor, "but it will get you used to the dirt."
#joke #doctor
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 18 March 2016
  • Currently 5.90/10

Rating: 5.9/10 (10)

 Knock Knock Collection 141


Knock Knock
Who's there?
Orange!
Orange who?
Orange you even going to open the door!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Orange juice!
Orange juice who?
Orange juice going to talk to me!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Orson!
Orson who?
Orson around again!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Orson!
Orson who?
Orson buggy is about your speed!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Osborn!
Osborn who?
Osborn today - it's my birthday!

#joke #fruit #orange #drinks #juice
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 28 October 2015
  • Currently 1.67/10

Rating: 1.7/10 (6)

Golf on Christmas...

Four old timers were playing their weekly game of golf, and one remarked how for Christmas this year he'd love to wake up on Christmas morning, roll out of bed and without an argument go directly to the golf course, meet his buddies and play a round.

His buddies all chimed in and said, "Let's do it! We'll make it a priority, figure out a way and meet here early on Christmas morning."

Months later, that special morning arrives, and there they are on the links. The first guy says, "Boy, this game cost me a fortune! I bought my wife such a diamond ring that she can't take her eyes off it."

Number 2 guy says, "I spent a ton too. My wife is at home planning the cruise I gave her. She was up to her eyeballs in brochures."

Number 3 guy says " Well, my wife is at home admiring her new car, reading the manual."

They all turn to the last guy in the group and he is staring at them like they have lost their minds. "I can't believe you all went to such expense for this golf game. I patted my wife on the butt and said, 'Well babe, is it sex or golf?' and she said, 'Take your sweater, looks like it might be windy out there'."

#joke #christmas #sport #golf
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 23 August 2015
  • Currently 8.85/10

Rating: 8.9/10 (20)

Why did President Truman drop ...

Why did President Truman drop the first atomic bomb? Because he thought it would be more humane than sending in Chuck Norris.
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 17 August 2011
  • Currently 2.70/10

Rating: 2.7/10 (63)

Cabbie

One dismal rainy night in Sydney a taxi driver spotted an arm waving from the shadows of an alley. Even before he rolled to a stop at the curb, a figure leaped into the cab and slammed the door.

Checking his rear view mirror as he pulled away, he was startled to see a dripping wet, naked woman sitting in the back seat.

'Where to?' he stammered.

'Kings Cross,' answered the woman.

'You got it,' he said, taking another long glance in the mirror.

The woman caught him staring at her and asked, 'Just what the hell are you looking at, driver?'

'Well, madam,' he answered, 'I was just wondering how you'll pay your fare.'

The woman spread her legs, put her feet up on the front seat, smiled at the driver and said,

'Does this answer your question?'

Still looking in the mirror, the cabbie asked, 'Got anything smaller?'

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 17 August 2010
  • Currently 5.78/10

Rating: 5.8/10 (40)

Honey, What Did the Doctor Say?

A middle aged man goes into the doctor's office for a check-up with a litany of complaints.
The doctor speaks to the man's wife alone and says, "There is nothing the matter with your husband. If you make a couple of meals for him a day, let him watch his sports. Do not complain at him too much and require him to listen. Limit his exposure to in-laws and make love to him once a week. Then, he'll probably live another 20 years."
She returns to her husband's side in the waiting room. He asks, "What did the doctor tell you?"
"You are going to be dying soon, my dear."
#joke #doctor #food #honey #meal #sport
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 17 August 2009
  • Currently 6.18/10

Rating: 6.2/10 (39)

Felipe Esparza: Not a Threesome Body

I could never have a threesome. This is not a threesome body. This is a turn off the lights body, leave your shirt on body -- this is a tell nobody.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 17 August 2010
  • Currently 4.50/10

Rating: 4.5/10 (36)

Homework help...

Dad, will you help me with my homework?"

"I'm sorry," replied the father. "It wouldn't be right."

"Well, " said the boy, "at least you could try."

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 17 August 2017
  • Currently 8.36/10

Rating: 8.4/10 (14)

Do you know how the...

“Do you know how the sky was created? It was airborne.”

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 19 December 2016
  • Currently 7.13/10

Rating: 7.1/10 (8)

A Conundrum

If women do the same job for less money, why do companies hire men to do the same job for more money?

It's a puzzlement!

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 31 October 2017
  • Currently 6.44/10

Rating: 6.4/10 (9)

Pete died

Mrs. Pete Monaghan came into the newsroom to pay for her husband's obituary. She was told by the kindly newsman that it was a dollar a word. Apologizing that she only had two dollars, she wrote this obituary: "Pete died."

"I remember ol' Pete, and he deserves more than two words," said the newsman. "I'll give you three more for free."

The widow thanked him and wrote, "Pete died. Boat for sale."

Joke found on http://www.copresco.com/, published on January 1999

#joke
Joke | Source: John Chris - Funny jokes collected from all around
  • Currently 8.36/10

Rating: 8.4/10 (14)

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