Jokes of the day for Saturday, 18 August 2018
| Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Saturday, 18 August 2018 |
Converting to the Society of Friends
Rabbi 1: We've got to do something. Many of the young people in our synagogue are converting to the Quaker faith.Rabbi 2: I've noticed that too. In fact, some of my best Jews are Friends!Three Vampires Go To A Bar
Three vampires walk into a bar and sit down at a table. The waitress comes over and asks the first vampire what he would like. The first vampire responds, "I vould like some blood."
The waitress turns to the second vampire and asks what he would like. The vampire responds, "I vould like some blood."
The waitress turns to the third vampire and asks what he would like. The vampire responds, "I vould like some plasma."
The waitress looks up and says, "Let me see if I have this order correct. You want two bloods and a blood light?"
An elderly man goes into his d
An elderly man goes into his doctors office for an annual physical. After a while, the doctor comes out and says, "I'm sorry Bill, but we have discovered you have a condition which only allows you another 6 weeks to live.""But Doctor," Bill replied, "I feel great. I haven't felt better in years. This just can't be true. Isn't there anything I can do?"
After a moment the doctor said, "Well, you might start going down the street to that new health spa and take a mud bath every day."
Excitedly Bill asked, "And that will cure me?"
"No," replied the doctor, "but it will get you used to the dirt."
A mother's advice...
A mother was anxiously awaiting her daughter's plane. She had just come back from a far away land trying to find adventure.
As the daughter was exiting the plane, the mother noticed a man directly behind her daughter dressed in feathers with exotic markings all over his body and carrying a shrunken head. The daughter introduced this man as her new husband.
The mother gasped in disbelief and disappointment and screamed, "I said for you to marry a RICH Doctor! A RICH Doctor!"
The Wedding
Chuck Norris does not go hunti...
Chuck Norris does not go hunting. Chuck Norris goes killing.Converting to the Society of Friends
Rabbi 1: We've got to do something. Many of the young people in our synagogue are converting to the Quaker faith.
Rabbi 2: I've noticed that too. In fact, some of my best Jews are Friends!
Maria Bamford: 30 Ways to Shape Up
Thirty ways to shape up for summer -- number one: eat less; number two: exercise more; number three... What was I talking about? Im so hungry right now.Flying Her Broom
A witch was flying her broom along when she noticed that all the other witches were flying on vacuum cleaners.
She thought, "Am I the only one still driving a stick?"
Walking To School
Father: - "Son, when Abraham Lincoln was your age, he walked 12 miles to school."
Son:
- "Dad, when Abraham Lincoln was your age, he was President."
When you truly don't care
When you truly don't care when anyone thinks of you, you have reached a dangerously awesome level of freedom. When the rain fell
When the rain fell on our heads it was like glorious piss.So I quoted Shakespeare, saying “The sky is a most excellent can o' pee.”
My sex life is like a ferrari...
My sex life is like a ferrari. I don't have a ferrari...