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Jokes of the day for Thursday, 20 September 2018

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Thursday, 20 September 2018

It's a sunny morning in the B...

It's a sunny morning in the Big Forest and the Bear family is just waking up.
Baby Bear goes downstairs and sits in his small chair at the table. He looks into his small bowl. It is empty! "Who's been eating my porridge?" he squeaks.
Daddy Bear arrives at the table and sits in his big chair. He looks into his big bowl. It is also empty! "Who's been eating my porridge?" he roars.
Mommy Bear points her finger through the door from the kitchen and yells, "For Pete's sake, how many times do we have to go through this? It was Mommy Bear who got up first.
It was Mommy Bear who woke everybody else in the house up. It was Mommy Bear who unloaded the dishwasher from last night and put everything away. It was Mommy Bear who went out in the cold early morning air to fetch the newspaper. It was Mommy Bear who set the table. It was Mommy Bear who put the cat out, cleaned the litter box and filled the cat's water and food dish. And now that you've decided to come downstairs and grace me with your presence... listen good because I'm only going to say this one more time -- I haven't made the stupid porridge yet!!"
#joke
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 3.17/10

Rating: 3.2/10 (6)

So many people buy t...

“So many people buy their groceries at the market on the corner that it seems to have a corner on the market.”

#joke #short
  • Currently 5.40/10

Rating: 5.4/10 (5)

SLIDESHOW #31 - Funny Photo Slideshow

Bloopers from Sunday School Students

  • The greatest miracle in the Bible is when Joshua told his son to stand still and he obeyed him.
  • Solomon, one of David's sons, has 300 wives and 700 porcupines.
  • Jesus enunciated the Golden Rule, which says to do one to others before they do one to you. He also explained, "Man doth not live by sweat alone."
  • It was a miracle when Jesus rose from the dead and managed to get the tombstone off the entrance.
    #joke
  • Joke | Source: Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
    • Currently 4.14/10

    Rating: 4.1/10 (7)

    Answering Machine Message 181

    (From a distance:) Hello I'm far very away from the phone at the moment and can't get to it to take your message, but I'll get back to you as soon as I get nearer to the phone!
    #joke #short
    Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
    • Currently 3.60/10

    Rating: 3.6/10 (5)

    One day a little girl was sitt...

    One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head.
    She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, "Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?"
    Her mother replied, "Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white."
    The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, "Momma, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?"
    #joke
    Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 17 April 2016
    • Currently 9.09/10

    Rating: 9.1/10 (45)

    Lemons Anyone?

    The woman applying for a job in a Florida lemon grove seemed way too qualified for the job.

    Look Miss," said the foreman, "have you any actual experience in picking lemons?"

    "Well, as a matter if fact, yes!" she replied. "I've been divorced three times."

    #joke
    Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 26 September 2015
    • Currently 7.91/10

    Rating: 7.9/10 (11)

    Anthony Jeselnik: Gift for Who?

    A couple of months ago, I gave my girlfriend some fancy lingerie, and she actually got mad at me. She said, Anthony, I think this is more of a gift for you than it is for me. And I said, If you want to get technical, it was originally a gift for my last girlfriend.
    #joke #short
    Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 20 September 2010
    • Currently 4.71/10

    Rating: 4.7/10 (49)

    Jeff Dunham: Sissy-ness of the Law

    Walter: I aint afraid of the cops around Santa Ana. You seen some of these guys? What, cops on bicycles? How intimidating is this: Alright buddy, pull it over. Ching-ching-ching? What do they do when they arrest somebody? Alright, get in the basket.
    #joke #short
    Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 20 September 2011
    • Currently 6.49/10

    Rating: 6.5/10 (45)

    Little Emily was complaining t...

    Little Emily was complaining to her mother that her stomach hurt. Her mother replied, “That’s because it's empty. Maybe you should try putting something in it." The next day, the pastor was over at Emily's family's house for lunch. He mentioned having his head hurt, to which Emily immediately replied, "That's because it's empty. Maybe you should try putting something in it."
    #joke
    Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 20 September 2010
    • Currently 7.41/10

    Rating: 7.4/10 (44)

    Dark

    Two Rednecks were sitting at the rural area bar, lamenting their lack of a sex life.

    One looks out the window, and across the road is a sheep stuck half way through a fence, with its butt facing the tavern.

    One drunk says, "I sure wish that sheep was Marilyn Monroe."

    The other says, "I just wish it were dark."

    Submitted by Calamjo

    Edited by Yisman

    #joke
    Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 20 September 2009
    • Currently 4.08/10

    Rating: 4.1/10 (40)

    Yo Mama so old...

    Yo Mama so old her social security # is 1.

    #joke #short #yomama
    Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 20 September 2011
    • Currently 4.23/10

    Rating: 4.2/10 (30)

    Knock Knock Collection 194

    Knock Knock
    Who's there?
    Wilfred!
    Wilfred who?
    Wilfred like his present?
    Knock Knock
    Who's there?
    Willa!
    Willa who?
    Willa you marry me!
    Knock Knock
    Who's there?
    William!
    William who?
    William-ind your own business!
    Knock Knock
    Who's there?
    Willie!
    Willie who?
    Willie be home for dinner!
    Knock Knock
    Who's there?
    Willis!
    Willis who?
    Willis rain ever stop!
    #joke
    Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 08 January 2017
    • Currently 6.50/10

    Rating: 6.5/10 (4)

    The inventor of pantyhose...

    “The inventor of pantyhose really left us quite a legacy.”

    #joke #short
    Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 19 August 2016
    • Currently 4.67/10

    Rating: 4.7/10 (6)

    Chilling with Eskimos

    Q: What do Eskimos get from sitting on a block of ice?

    A. Polaroids.

    #joke #short
    Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 01 November 2014
    • Currently 7.45/10

    Rating: 7.5/10 (11)

    Pierced Nipple

    At the bar last night, a woman got her nipple pierced right in front of me.

    On a related note…

    I suck at darts.

    #joke #short
    Joke | Source: Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
    • Currently 6.71/10

    Rating: 6.7/10 (7)

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