Jokes of the day for Saturday, 18 July 2020
Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Saturday, 18 July 2020 |
When the action star attacked
When the action star attacked the villains in their Astro, there was a lot of van dammage.#joke #short
Two buddies were sharing drink
Two buddies were sharing drinks while discussing their wives. "Do you and your wife ever do it doggie style?" asked the one."Well, not exactly." his friend replied, "she's more into the trick dog aspect of it."
"Oh, I see, kinky, huh?"
"Well, not exactly - I sit up and beg and she rolls over and plays dead."
The Sheriff in a small town wa
The Sheriff in a small town walks out in the street and sees a blonde cowboycoming down the walk with nothing on but his cowboy hat, gun and his boots,so he arrests him for indecent exposure.As he is locking him up, he asks "Why in the world are you walking aroundlike this?"
The Cowboy says, "Well it's like this Sheriff . I was in the bar down theroad and this pretty little red head asks me to go out to her motor home withher. So I did. We go inside and she pulls off her top and asks me to pull offmy shirt... so I did. Then she pulls off her skirt and asks me to pull off mypants so I did. Then she pulls off her panties and asks me to pull off myshorts ...so I did.
Then she gets on the bed and looks at me kind of sexy and says, 'Now go totown cowboy... '.
"And here I am."
What Did 2 Say To 3
What did 2 say to 3 when they saw 6 act like an idiot?
"Don’t mind him, he’s just a product of our times."
#joke #short
“Brutus was at a buff
“Brutus was at a buffet. When he took a roll, Julius Caesar said, 'Eat two, Brute.'”
#joke #short
The black eye...

Mr. Bailey saw his son's shiner and demanded, "Scott, who gave you that black eye?"
"No one gave it to me dad," replied the spunky lad. "I had to fight for it."
#joke #short
Smart Snake Breeder
There once was a snake breeder who had two snakes he was trying to mate. For the life of him, he couldn't get them within two feet of each other. Frustrated, he called up the local zoologist, and explained the situation. She hurried over, picked up the snakes and looked at them. "You know what I would do?" she said. "See that tree over there? Chop it down, chop off a good sized log, split the log in two, and make two tables out of them. Put the tables and the snakes into a cage, and let them go at it."
Well, the breeder thought that this was insane, but having no other options, he tried it. Sure enough, a few days later he had a whole slew of baby snakes. He called up the zoologist, and asked her how that was possible. She replied, "Well, you see, those snakes were adders. And everybody knows that to get adders to multiply you need log tables."
#joke #animal #snake
Life cycle of software
The Life Cycle of Software- Programmer produces code he believes is bug-free.
- Product is tested. 20 bugs are found.
- Programmer fixes 10 of the bugs and explains to the testing department that the other 10 aren't really bugs.
- Testing department finds that five of the fixes didn't work and discovers 15 new bugs.
- See 3.
- See 4.
- See 5.
- See 6.
- See 7.
- See 8.
- Due to marketing pressure and an extremely pre-mature product announcement based on over-optimistic programming schedule, the product is released.
- Users find 137 new bugs.
- Original programmer, having cashed his royalty check, is nowhere to be found.
- Newly-assembled programming team fixes almost all of the 137 bugs, but introduce 456 new ones.
- Original programmer sends underpaid testing department a postcard from Fiji. Entire testing department quits.
- Company is bought in a hostile takeover by competitor using profits from their latest release, which had 783 bugs.
- New CEO is brought in by board of directors. He hires programmer to redo program from scratch.
- Programmer produces code he believes is bug-free.
- See step 2
#joke
Potatoes!

'POTATOES POTATOES!'
#joke #blonde #policeman
John Mulaney: Women Friends

#joke
One day, a guy went into a sto...

He suddenly saw a statue of a rat made of bronze, and thought that it was interesting. He decided to buy it, and so he did.
The guy walked out of the store, carrying the statue in his arms. Suddenly some rats started following him.
He shrugged it off, and continued on his way.
As he walked along, more and more rats started following him, until all the rats in the city were behind him.
He suddenly realized that it was the statue that was doing this.
He headed towards the bay that resided next to the city, and threw the statue in. The rats followed, not caring about their immediate deaths.
The guy ran back to the store, and when he reached it, the store owner said, "No refunds".
The guy shook his head, and said, "No, no, I was wondering if you had any statues like the one I bought, only, shaped like a lawyer."
13 year old girls

#joke #short
Friendly Pastor

#joke #short