Jokes of the day for Monday, 20 September 2021
Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Monday, 20 September 2021 |
Hard Work
When I was young, I was poor...
But after many years of hard work, I am no longer young.
Dancing Duck
![Dancing Duck](/jokes-archive/2021/09/20/Dancing-Duck.jpg.400.jpg)
A circus owner walked into a bar to see everyone crowded about a table watching a little show. On the table was an upside down pot and a duck tap dancing on it. The circus owner was so impressed that he offered to buy the duck from its owner. After some wheeling and dealing, they settled for $10,000 for the duck and the pot.
Three days later the circus owner runs back to the bar in anger, "Your duck is a ripoff! I put him on the pot before a whole audience, and he didn't dance a single step!"
"So?" asked the ducks former owner, "did you remember to light the candle under the pot?"
When a customer slid into the
When a customer slid into the barber chair, the barber asked him how he wanted his hair cut."Make it short," the customer replied, "with a bare patch above my left ear, but longer on the right side so that it covers my right ear. I also want my left sideburn above my left ear and the right sideburn below my right ear."
The barber looked puzzled and said, "I don't think I can do that."
The customer replied, "I don't know why not–that's the way you cut it the last time I was here!"
The interested doctor
![The interested doctor](/jokes-archive/2015/10/09/The-interested-doctor.jpg.400.jpg)
A concerned woman phones a doctor and says, "Doctor, I'm worried about my husband. He thinks he's a dog!"
"I'm coming over right away," the doctor says.
When the doctor arrives, the woman opens the door, and her husband, on all four, starts wagging his bottom and licking the doctor's hand.
"Interesting", the doctor says, startled. "I'll examine him. Make him lie down on the sofa."
"Doctor", the woman says, "I can't! He's not allowed the sofa!"
A very rich and famous dwarf p...
A very rich and famous dwarf passed away recently. He was low dead.Anthony Jeselnik: Gift for Who?
![Anthony Jeselnik: Gift for Who?](/jokes-archive/2010/09/20/Anthony-Jeselnik-3A-Gift-for-Who-3F.jpg.400.jpg)
Jeff Dunham: Sissy-ness of the Law
![Jeff Dunham: Sissy-ness of the Law](/jokes-archive/2011/09/20/Jeff-Dunham-3A-Sissy-ness-of-the-Law.jpg.400.jpg)
Little Emily was complaining t...
![Little Emily was complaining t...](/jokes-archive/2010/09/20/Little-Emily-was-complaining-t-.jpg.400.jpg)
Dark
Two Rednecks were sitting at the rural area bar, lamenting their lack of a sex life.One looks out the window, and across the road is a sheep stuck half way through a fence, with its butt facing the tavern.
One drunk says, "I sure wish that sheep was Marilyn Monroe."
The other says, "I just wish it were dark."
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Yisman
Yo Mama so old...
Yo Mama so old her social security # is 1.Static electricity
![Static electricity](/jokes-archive/2020/08/06/Static-electricity.jpg.400.jpg)
A sweater I bought was picking up static electricity, so I returned it to the store.
They gave me another one, free of charge.
A police officer responded to...
![A police officer responded to...](/jokes-archive/2017/10/25/A-police-officer-responded-to-.jpg.400.jpg)
The "disturbance" turned out to be well over six feet tall and weighed almost 300 pounds. What's more, he boasted that he could whip the officer and the "Heavy Weight Boxing Champion of the World."
Said the policeman, "I'll bet that you're also an escape artist too, probably better than Houdini."
The giant nodded.
"If I had some chains," the officer continued, "you could show us how strong you really are. But all I've got is a set of handcuffs. Why don't you see just how quickly you can break out of them?"
Once in the cuffs, the man puffed, pulled and jerked for four minutes.
"I can't get out of these," the giant growled.
"Are you sure?" the officer asked.
The fellow tried again. "Nope," he replied. "I can't do it."
"In that case," said the officer, "you're under arrest."
A teacher is teaching a class...
![A teacher is teaching a class...](/jokes-archive/2016/05/30/A-teacher-is-teaching-a-class-.jpg.400.jpg)
Last night, it was so cold
![Last night, it was so cold](/jokes-archive/2015/09/30/Last-night-it-was-so-cold.jpg.400.jpg)
Last night, it was so cold, the flashers in New York were only describing themselves.
Johnny Carson (1925-2005)
Picture: AP