Jokes of the day for Tuesday, 27 December 2022
Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Tuesday, 27 December 2022 |
Operating Room
Two little kids are in a hospital, lying on stretchers next to each other outside the operating room.
The first kid leans over and asks, "What are you in here for?"
The second kid says, "I'm in here to get my tonsils out and I'm a little nervous."
The first kid says, "You've got nothing to worry about. I had that done when I was four. They put you to sleep, and when you wake up they give you lots of Jell-O and ice cream. It's a breeze."
The second kid then asks, "What are you here for?"
The first kid says, "A circumcision."
"Whoa!" the second kid replies. "Good luck, buddy. I had that done when I was born. Couldn't walk for a year."
Out of Eden
![Out of Eden](/jokes-archive/2022/12/27/Out-of-Eden.jpg.400.jpg)
If you live beneath a sewer, y
If you live beneath a sewer, you are destined for grateness.Adam's ribs
![Adam's ribs](/jokes-archive/2017/01/13/Adam-27s-ribs.jpg.400.jpg)
At Sunday School they were teaching how God created everything, including human beings.
Little Johnny, a child in the kindergarten class, seemed especially intent when they told him how Eve was created out of one of Adam's ribs.
Later in the week his mother noticed him lying as though he were ill, and said. "Johnny what is the matter?" Little Johnny responded, "I have a pain in my side. I think I'm going to have a wife."
A little boy asked his teacher...
![A little boy asked his teacher...](/jokes-archive/2009/12/27/A-little-boy-asked-his-teacher-.jpg.400.jpg)
He was then sent to the principals office and the principal asked him, 'What do you have in your hand.'
So the little boy said, 'A little leprechaun and if I open my hands he'll get scared away.' He was sent home and his mom asked him 'What do you have in your hand.'
So the little boy said, 'A little leprechaun and if I open my hands he'll get scared away.' He was sent to his room and his dad came in and said, 'What do you have in your hand.' So again the little boy said, 'A little leprechaun and if I open my hands he get scared away.'
Then his Dad got really mad and yelled, 'Open your hands!'
And the little boy said, 'Look Dad you scared the crap out of him.'
Josh Sneed: After-Christmas Sale
![Josh Sneed: After-Christmas Sale](/jokes-archive/2010/12/27/Josh-Sneed-3A-After-Christmas-Sale.jpg.400.jpg)
A wife went to the police stat...
![A wife went to the police stat...](/jokes-archive/2016/12/27/A-wife-went-to-the-police-stat-.jpg.400.jpg)
She said, "He's 35 years old, 6 foot 4, has dark eyes, dark wavy hair, an athletic build, weighs 185 pounds, is soft-spoken, and is good to the children."
The next-door neighbor protested, "Your husband is 5 foot 4, chubby, bald, has a big mouth, and is mean to your children."
The wife replied, "Yes, but who wants HIM back?"
The Company Picnic
![The Company Picnic](/jokes-archive/2017/11/10/The-Company-Picnic.jpg.400.jpg)
The wife chewed out her husband at the company picnic awhile back.
“Doesn’t it embarrass you that people have seen you go up to the buffet table five times?”
“Not a bit,” the husband replied. “I just tell them I’m filling up the plate for you!”
Hot Horseradish
![Hot Horseradish](/jokes-archive/2018/05/07/Hot-Horseradish.jpg.400.jpg)
A cab driver picks up a nun...
![A cab driver picks up a nun...](/jokes-archive/2014/11/02/A-cab-driver-picks-up-a-nun-.png.400.jpg)
She asks him why he is staring.
He replies: "I have a question to ask you, but I don't want to offend you".
She answers, "My son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive."
"Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me."
She responds, "Well, let's see what we can do about that. But first, you have to be single and you must be Catholic."
The cab driver is very excited and says, "Yes, I'm single and Catholic!"
"OK" the nun says. "Pull off to the side of the road, "maybe we will see what we can do."
The nun plants a whopper of a kiss on the cabbie! But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying.
"My dear child," said the nun, why are you crying?"
"Forgive me, but I've sinned. I lied. I must confess, I'm married and I'm Jewish."
The nun says, "That's OK, my name is Kevin and I'm going to a Halloween party."
Close Shave
![Close Shave](/jokes-archive/2022/10/29/Close-Shave.jpg.400.jpg)
My neighbor shaves 15-20 times a day...
No, he's not crazy... he's just a barber.
Ben Bailey: Slow People in the Subway
![Ben Bailey: Slow People in the Subway](/jokes-archive/2011/07/08/Ben-Bailey-3A-Slow-People-in-the-Subway.jpg.400.jpg)
A man who was having heart tro...
![A man who was having heart tro...](/jokes-archive/2016/06/04/A-man-who-was-having-heart-tro-.jpg.400.jpg)
"I do have three hearts," said the doctor. "The first is from an 18-year old kid, non-smoker, athletic, swimmer, with a great diet. He hit his head on the swimming pool and died. It's $100,000. The second is from a marathon runner, 25 years old, great condition, very strong. He got hit by a bus. It's $150,000. The third is from a heavy drinker, cigar smoker, steak lover. It's $500,000."
"Hey, why is that heart so expensive? He lived a terrible life!"
"Yes, but it's from a lawyer. It's never been used."