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Jokes of the day for Thursday, 23 February 2023

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Thursday, 23 February 2023

Dogs in Heaven

Dear God,When I get to heaven, can I sit on your couch? Or is it the same old story?Also, are there mailmen in Heaven? If there are, will I have to apologize? Thank You God,The Dog-
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 24 August 2022
  • Currently 6.31/10

Rating: 6.3/10 (16)

Chess With My Dog

Me: I taught my dog to play chess.
Friend: He must be very smart?
Me: Not really, I beat him two games out of three!

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 06 June 2019
  • Currently 8.67/10

Rating: 8.7/10 (24)

SLIDESHOW #61 - Funny Photo Slideshow

Reasonable doubt...

Scene: A court room in Oklahoma where a person is on trial for murder.

There is strong evidence indicating guilt; however, there is no corpse. In the defense's closing statement the lawyer, knowing that his client is guilty and that it looks like he'll probably be convicted, resorts to a clever trick. "Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I have a surprise for you all," the lawyer says as he looks at his watch. "Within 1 minute, the person presumed dead in this case will walk into this court room," he says and he looks toward the courtroom door.

The jury, somewhat stunned, all look on eagerly. A minute passes. Nothing happens. Finally the lawyer says: 'Actually, I made up the previous statement. But you all looked on with anticipation. I, therefore, put it to you that there is reasonable doubt in this case as to whether anyone was killed and insist that you return a verdict of not guilty."

The jury, clearly confused, retires to deliberate. A very few minutes later, the jury returns and a representative pronounces a verdict of guilty.

"But how?" inquires the lawyer. "You must have had some doubt; I saw all of you stare at the door."

Answers the representative: "Oh, we did look. But your client didn't."

#joke #lawyer
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 12 March 2017
  • Currently 8.72/10

Rating: 8.7/10 (18)

Where will they ear wr

Where will they ear wrecked the Museum of Loud Music?
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 28 October 2014
  • Currently 6.20/10

Rating: 6.2/10 (5)

Chalk One Up For The Grandparents!

An elderly man in Miami calls his son in New York and says, "I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing.

Forty-five years of misery is enough."

"Pop, what are you talking about?" the son screams.

"We can't stand the sight of each other any longer," the old man says.

"We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Chicago and tell her," and he hangs up.

Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone, "Like heck they're getting divorced," she shouts, "I'll take care of this."

She calls her father immediately and screams at the old man, "You are NOT getting divorced! Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don't do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?" and hangs up.

The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. "Okay," he says, "They're coming for Passover and paying their own airfares."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 23 February 2017
  • Currently 8.95/10

Rating: 8.9/10 (56)

Whitney Cummings: Problem With Vampires

The problem with vampires is they look like theyre 20, but theyre actually 100 years old. So youll be dating this hot, young guy who grew up in the Great Depression and hates Irish people. And then you take him out to a nightclub, and hes doing the Charleston. Or you think hes cheating on you, so you go through his journal. Youre like, Who the hell is this slut? Harriet Tubman? Who the f**k is that?
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 23 February 2012
  • Currently 3.95/10

Rating: 3.9/10 (56)

Sex and athletics....

It has been determined that having sex before participating in athletic activity, such as a marathon race, does not impair the athlete's abilities.

In fact, men have known and displayed this for centuries. After sex, they glance at their watches and say, "Oops, gotta run!"

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 23 February 2009
  • Currently 5.05/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (42)

Pete Holmes: Employee Discount

What do you think the employee discount is at the Dollar Store? Do you think its just take it?
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 23 February 2010
  • Currently 5.76/10

Rating: 5.8/10 (37)

scarf

Why did the blonde take his new scarf back to the store?

It was too tight

#joke #short #blonde
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 23 February 2013
  • Currently 4.91/10

Rating: 4.9/10 (34)

> it's a sad day when your child looks at you and asks

You know, it's a sad day when your child looks at you and asks:

- Daddy, is this organic?

- Organic?

I grew up on Angel Delight! We didn't have anything in the house if it wasn't neon!

Dylan Moran (November 3 1971)

Picture: @LatitudeFest

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 07 February 2015
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

MOM

I have a great MOM and i love her more and more everyday.

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 09 June 2015
  • Currently 7.50/10

Rating: 7.5/10 (2)

A couple go for a meal at a Ch...

A couple go for a meal at a Chinese restaurant and order Chicken Surprise. The waiter brings the meal, served in a lidded cast iron pot. Just as the wife is about to serve herself, the lid of the pot rises slightly and she briefly sees two beady little eyes looking around before the lid slams back down.
"Good grief, did you see that?" she asks her husband.
He hasn't, so she asks him to look in the pot. He reaches for it and again the lid rises, and he sees two little eyes looking around before it slams down.
Rather perturbed, he calls the waiter over, explains what is happening, and demands an explanation.
"Please sir," says the waiter, "what you order?"
The husband replies, "Chicken Surprise."
"Ahh so sorry," says the waiter, "I bring you Peeking Duck."
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 06 May 2020
  • Currently 8.90/10

Rating: 8.9/10 (21)

We Are The Best Of Friends

The patient shook his doctor's hand in gratitude and said, "Since we are the best of friends, I would not want to insult you by offering payment. But I would like for you to know that I had mentioned you in my will."
"That is very kind of you," said the doctor emotionally, and then added, "Can I see that prescription I just gave you? I'd like to make a little change."
#joke #doctor
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 20 May 2018
  • Currently 8.44/10

Rating: 8.4/10 (9)

High maintenance

My new landlady made a pass at me.
I declined, because I didn't want a Hi, mate tenants, relationship.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 1.80/10

Rating: 1.8/10 (5)

Patton Oswalt: Obituary Fear

My other big obituary fear is, when I die, theyll have my picture, and they always have underneath it, in quotes, He loved to laugh. Oh, he loved to laugh. Well, that doesnt tell you anything. Everybody loves to laugh -- youre laughing! Thats like saying, He hungered for food.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 20 October 2010
  • Currently 3.24/10

Rating: 3.2/10 (29)

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