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Jokes of the day for Monday, 17 April 2023

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Monday, 17 April 2023

Spoon Me

Yesterday the Police arrested me for unsolicited Spooning...
I wasn't charged, they just held me over night.
Which I loved, by the way.

Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 7.44/10

Rating: 7.4/10 (9)

International Bat Appreciation Day Joke

Today is International Bat Appreciation Day! Find a joke about it!

What is a bats favorite TV show?
Love at first bite.

What does a vampire use to bake cakes?
Batter.

What’s printed in the newspapers when a vampire dies?
An obatuary.

What did the bat do when he didn’t know the answer to the teacher‘s question?
He winged it.

How does a bat say hi to her mum?
With a sound wave.

Why do bats live in caves?
Because they rock.

What’s a vampire bat’s favorite fruit?
A neck-tarine.

How do bats do the register at school?
In alpha-bat-ical order.

What animals are best at cricket?
Bats.

What do little bats eat?
Alpha-bat soup.

#internationalbatappreciationday

#joke #animal #bat #fruit #food #soup #cake
Joke | Source: Hand picked jokes - Daily Jokes hand picked from various locations
  • Currently 4.67/10

Rating: 4.7/10 (6)

May Joe R.I.P.

Joe passed away. His will provided $30,000 for an elaborate funeral.
As the last guests departed the affair, his wife, Helen, turned to her oldest friend.
"Well, I'm sure Joe would be pleased," she said.
"I'm sure you're right," replied Jody, who lowered her voice and leaned in close.
"How much did this really cost?"
"All of it," said Helen. "Thirty thousand."
"No!" Jody exclaimed. "I mean, it was very nice, but $30,000?"
Helen answered. "The funeral was $6,500. I donated $500 to the church. The wake, food and drinks were another $500. The rest went for the memorial stone."
Jody computed quickly. "$22,500 for a memorial stone? My God, how big is it?!"

My Fathers Funeral

"Two and a half carats."      

#joke #food #drinks
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 29 June 2021
  • Currently 7.13/10

Rating: 7.1/10 (8)

Serving Two Masters

A Mormon acquaintance once pushed Mark Twain into an argument on the issue of polygamy. After long and tedious expositions justifying the practice, the Mormon demanded that Twain cite any passage of scripture expressly forbidding polygamy."Nothing easier," Twain replied. "No man can serve two masters."
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 20 May 2018
  • Currently 8.48/10

Rating: 8.5/10 (21)

National Buttermilk Biscuit Day

Today is National Buttermilk Biscuit Day, National Dance Like a Chicken Day, and some Mother, more important holiday.
#joke #short #animal #chicken
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 14 May 2017
  • Currently 1.80/10

Rating: 1.8/10 (5)

Should have been here sooner!

An elderly couple were killed in an accident and found themselves being given a tour of heaven by Saint Peter. "Here is your oceanside condo, over there are the tennis courts, swimming pool, and two golf courses. If you need any refreshments, just stop by any of the many bars located throughout the area."

"Heck, Gloria," the old man hissed when Saint Peter walked off, "we could have been here ten years ago if you hadn't heard about all that stupid oat bran, wheat germ, and low-fat diets!"

#joke #sport #tennis #golf #swimming
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 11 May 2017
  • Currently 6.42/10

Rating: 6.4/10 (19)

A man with a bag of Lays potat...

A man with a bag of Lays potato chips taunted Chuck Norris: "Betcha can't eat just one!" Chuck Norris ate the chips, the bag, and the man.
#joke #short #chuck-norris #food #potato
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 17 April 2014
  • Currently 3.70/10

Rating: 3.7/10 (83)

A Puzzle for Darwin

On the sixth day, God created the platypus. And God said: Let's see the evolutionists try and figure this one out.

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 17 April 2009
  • Currently 4.74/10

Rating: 4.7/10 (77)

One day a little girl was sitt...

One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head.
She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, "Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?"
Her mother replied, "Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white."
The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, "Momma, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?"
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 17 April 2016
  • Currently 9.11/10

Rating: 9.1/10 (46)

Happy Friday

Did someone say friday??
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 17 April 2015
  • Currently 5.74/10

Rating: 5.7/10 (35)

Helicopter Flying Lessons

A blonde went to a flight school insisting she wanted to

learn to fly.

As all the planes were currently in use, the owner agreed to

instruct her by radio on how to pilot the solo helicopter.

He took her out, showed her how to start it and gave her the

basics, and sent her on her way. After she climbed 1000

feet, she radioed in. "I'm doing great! I love it! The view

is so beautiful, and I'm starting to get the hang of this."

After 2000 feet, she radioed again, saying how easy it was

to fly. The instructor watched her climb over 3000 feet, and

was beginning to worry that she hadn't radioed in.

A few minutes later, he watched in horror as she crashed

about half a mile away. He ran over and pulled her from the

wreckage.

When he asked what happened, she said, "I don't know!

Everything was going fine, but as I got higher, I was

starting to get cold. I can barely remember anything after I

turned off the big fan!"

#joke #blonde
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 17 April 2012
  • Currently 6.33/10

Rating: 6.3/10 (30)

12 Dad Jokes for National Tell A Joke Day

Monsters are not good at math.... Unless you Count Dracula.

19 had fight with 20 ... and 21

I would tell a joke about pzza, but its too cheesy

I gave away all my batteries today ... free of charge

I got a universal remote for Christmas ... well this changes everything

I had a joke about construction, but im still working on it

Did u get a haircut? No i cut them all out

Dracula doesnt have many friends because hese a pain in the neck.

I stayed up all night wondering where the Sun had gone. Then it dawned on me.

What did the sushi say to the bumble bee? Wasabi

Mountain aren't just funny, their hill areas.

I asked dad for his best dad joke, he said you.

#joke #christmas #animal #bee
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 16 August 2019
  • Currently 7.54/10

Rating: 7.5/10 (24)

Donnell Rawlings: Friends With Cool Jobs

Comedys a tough job, man. Ive got friends who got cool jobs. One of my friends, hes a porno star. Guess how he got discovered? This girl sat on his lap, and she was like, Ooh, you should do porno! Same girl sat on my lap and was like, Ooh, you should tell jokes!
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 23 October 2010
  • Currently 4.85/10

Rating: 4.8/10 (52)

The boy and the bible

A little boy opened the big old family Bible and with fascination, he looked at the old pages as he turned them. Then something fell out of the Bible and he picked it up and looked at it closely. It was an old leaf from a tree that had been pressed in between the pages.

"Momma, look what I found," the boy called out.

"What have you got there?" his mother asked.

With astonishment in the young boy's voice he answered: "It's Adam's suit!"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 04 June 2016
  • Currently 7.44/10

Rating: 7.4/10 (16)

We spend the first twelve mont...

We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk, and the next twenty-four years telling them to sit down and shut up!
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 09 July 2011
  • Currently 6.82/10

Rating: 6.8/10 (17)

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