Jokes of the day for Tuesday, 04 July 2023
| Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Tuesday, 04 July 2023 |
Chicken
Chicken puns are absolutely fowl.Independence Day Jokes
July 4th is Independence Day (US National Holiday)! Find jokes about it!
Why do Bigelow employees like the Fourth of July so much?
They love to celebrate liber-tea!
What is red, white, black and blue?
Uncle Sam when he takes a tumble down the stairs.
Why does the Statue of Liberty stand in the New York harbor?
It can’t sit.
What do you call a duck who says ‘bang’?
A firequacker.
Did you hear the joke about the Liberty Bell?
It cracked me up!
What was the popular dance in 1776?
The indepen-dance.
Who was the biggest jokester in George Washington’s army?
Laugh-ayette
What did one flag say to the other?
Nothing, it just waved!
Was the Declaration of Independence written in Philadelphia?
No, it was written in ink!
What happens when you cross a stegosaurus with a firework?
Dino-myte!
What did the ghost say on the Fourth of July?
Red, white and boo.
What do you eat on July 5th?
Independence Day-old pizza.
Who was the dog that announced, “The British are coming”?
Paw Revere.
Who doesn’t get a day of July 4?
Fire – fire works.
What’s red, white, blue and green?
A seasick Uncle Sam.
What has feathers, webbed feet, life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness?
The duck-laration of happiness.
What happens if you cross a Declaration signer and a rooster?
John Hancock-a-doodle-doo
What is the best sport to play on the Fourth of July?
Flag football.
Where is the capital in Washington, D.C.?
At the beginning.
What do you call a snowman on the Fourth of July?
A puddle.
What do you call a patriotic cartoonist?
A Yankee Doodler.
Why are there no Fourth of July knock-knock jokes?
Because freedom rings.
What’s the difference between George Washington and a duck?
One of them has their face on a bill and the other one has a bill on their face.
Where did George Washington keep his armies?
In his sleevies.
What did the tourists say when they left the Statute of Liberty?
Keep in torch!
What do ducks love about the Fourth of July?
Firequackers.
What do firecrackers eat at the movies?
Pop-corners.
Why couldn’t George Washington sleep at night?
Because he couldn’t lie.
What did Obi-Wan Kenobi say on Independence Day?
May the fourth be with you!
What did the little firecracker say to the big one?
“Hi, Pop!”
What do you call a red, white and blue pie?
Pastry-otic.
What do you call a Fourth of July accident at Mount Rushmore?
A monumental disaster.
What is the most patriotic dog breed?
Yankee Poodles
What was Uncle Sam’s favorite snack?
Fire crackers.
Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?
On the bottom.
Why can’t you skip out on the Fourth of July barbecue?
It would be a missed-steak.
What do an American flag and a sad candy cane have in common?
They’re both red, white and blue
What did the revolutionaries wear to the Boston Tea Party?
Tea-shirts.
What did the firework seller say to his colleague on July 4?
Business is booming!
Did you hear about the angry firework?
He was so mad, he exploded!
Why did Paul Revere ride to Lexington on his horse?
Well, the horse was too heavy to carry.
What’s a firework’s favorite song?
“Pop it Like it’s Hot.”
What do fireworks eat when it’s hot out?
Popsicles!
Who is the least guilty president?
Lincoln – he’s in a cent!
Which Founding Father is a puppy’s favorite?
Bone Franklin.
What has four legs, a shiny nose and fought for England?
Rudolph the Redcoat Reindeer.
Whose favorite lyric in "The Star Spangled Banner" is “Oh say can you see”?
An optometrist!
How do Americans spend their Fourth of July weekend?
Getting stuck in traffic.
Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing!
(Just like how the British turned red when they saw the Americans dressing up as independent!)
#independenceday
A Yogi Walked into a Pizza Parlor…
What did the Yogi say when he walked into the Zen Pizza Parlor?"Make me one with everything."When the Yogi got the pizza, he gave the proprietor a $20 bill. The proprietor pocketed the bill. The Yogi said "Don't I get change?"The proprietor said, "Change must come from within."Country Living
Muggins: "Yes, I'm living out in the country now. It certainly has it inconveniences."
Buggins: "What do you miss most?"
Muggins: "The last train home at night."
Wish granted???
A couple had been married for 35 years, and the pair was also celebrating their 60th birthdays. During the celebration, a fairy godmother appeared and said that because they had been such a loving couple all those years, she would give them each one wish.
The wife said she wanted to travel around the world. The fairy godmother waved her magic wand and BOOM! The wife had the tickets in her hand.
Then it was the husband's turn. He paused for a moment, then said boldly, "Well, I'd like to have a wife 30 years younger than I." The fairy godmother picked up her wand and BOOM! He was now 90.
Arj Barker: 4th of July
I read this on the Internet -- did you know that 4th of July is more popular in this country than in any other country in the whole world? Jesus Is Watching You!
There was a burglar who broke into a home and started to gather the items he wanted to take. All of a sudden he heard, "Jesus is watching you!" He didn't see anything in the dark house, so he went on with what he was doing.
He heard, "Jesus is watching you!" again and then he really wondered who wassaying that. He turned on the flashlight, scanned the room, and finally saw a parrot.
"Did you say that?" asked the burgler.
"Yes," replied the parrot.
"By the way, what's your name?" the burgler inquired."Moses," answered the parrot.
"That's a strange name for a parrot. Who named you that?"
"The same people who named their rotweiller Jesus!"
Someone Really Stinks
A young couple were on their honeymoon. The husband was sitting in the bathroom on the edge of the bathtub saying to himself, "Now how can I tell my wife that I've got really smelly feet and that my socks absolutely stink? I've managed to keep it from her while we were dating, but she's bound to find out sooner or later that my feet stink. Now how do I tell her?"
Meanwhile, the wife was sitting in the bed saying to herself, "Now how do I tell my husband that I've got really bad breath? I've been very lucky to keep it from him while we were courting, but as soon as he's lived with me for a week, he's bound to find out. Now how do I tell him gently?"
The husband finally plucks up enough courage to tell his wife and so he walks into the bedroom. He walks over to the bed, climbs over to his wife, puts his arm around her neck, moves his face very close to hers and says, "Darling, I've a confession to make."
And she says, "So have I, love."
To which he replies, "Don't tell me, you've eaten my socks."
Tall grass
How does a Scotsman find a sheep in tall grass?Very satisfying.
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by calamjo
Iliza Shlesinger: Bumper Sticker
It said, War Is Not the Answer. I disagree. I think war absolutely is the answer. And if you dont agree with me, happy Fourth of July. Jill: I just don't understand...
Jill: I just don't understand the attraction golf holds for men.Mary: Tell me about it! I went golfing with my husband one time, and he told me I asked too many questions!
Jill: Well, I'm sure you were just trying to understand the game. What questions did you ask?
Mary: I thought I asked legitimate questions like, "Why did you hit the ball into that lake?"
The End Is Near
Fred and Luke were fishing on the side of the road. They made a sign saying:
THE END IS NEAR! TURN YOURSELF AROUND
NOW BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE!!
…and showed it to each passing car.
One driver that passed didn't appreciate the sign and shouted out his window, “Leave me alone you nuts!”
All of a sudden they heard a big splash.
Fred turned to Luke, “do you think we should just put up a sign that says: ‘Bridge Out Ahead' instead?”
Mad men are given a test to ch...
Mad men are given a test to check their mental state. The instructor draws a door on the wall and orders them to go out. They start rushing to the door but one remains sitting. The instructor goes to him and asks; “why didn’t you join the others?” He replies, "let them fight they forgot I have the keys"
