Jokes of the day for Saturday, 23 December 2023
| Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Saturday, 23 December 2023 |
Winter is here! Collection of 76 Winter Jokes
1. Why did the snowman hold up his arms?
He was told to freeze.
2. What did the black ice ask the car?
Wanna go for a spin?
3. How do you know when a snowman is scared?
He's sitting in yellow snow.
4. What did the mitten say to the hand?
I've got you covered.
5. Why did the reindeer have a limp?
He took a snowfall.
6. What's the difference between ice and icicle?
Ice has noel.
7. Why is a sled always discouraged?
It's continuously on a downward slide.
8. What do you call a cold thief?
A brrrr-glar.
9. Why was there a puddle in front of the fireplace?
A snowman was trying to warm himself.
10. What is the purpose of bundling up?
Anti-freeze.
11. How does Jack Frost keep warm?
With a thick blanket of snow.
Christmas is almost here, check out Christmas jokes in our Christmas jokes collection
12. Why did the snowman leave?
He had a meltdown.
13. What happens when you catch a cold?
You get cabin fever.
14. Where does a snowman store his cash?
In a snowbank.
15. What is the best way to build a snow fort?
I-gloo it together.
16. Why does Frosty's wife look so young?
She uses cold cream on her face.
17. What happens when a mosquito lands on a snowman?
He gets frostbite.
18. Why did the two snowmen part ways?
One was just too flaky.
19. When is an igloo a bad investment?
During global warming.
20. What are little snowmen called?
Chill-dren.
21. What is a snowman's favorite breakfast cereal?
Frosted Flakes.
22. When does winter begin?
When autumn leaves.
23. How did the snowman get flattened?
Instead of his usual snow shower, he went for an avalanche.
24. Why are polar bears so big?
Because they snack on ice cream and snow cones.
25. How does a snowman lose weight?
He drinks only hot chocolate.
26. What has the best chance of surviving a fall?
Snow.
27. How does Jack Frost stay so thin?
He only eats iceberg lettuce.
28. How does Santa like his cookies?
With lots of ice-ing.
29. What fish do you catch in the winter?
Frozen fish sticks.
30. Why should you invite an ice fisherman to your party?
To help break the ice.
31. What is sure to stop a snowball fight?
A hail storm.
32. How does a snowman travel through town?
On bi-cicle.
33. Who is Frosty's favorite aunt?
Aunt Artica.
34. Why was the snowman looking through the carrots?
He was picking his nose.
35. What do you call a hot-tempered snowman?
A puddle.
36. How did the man feel after being buried under the avalanche?
A bit under the weather.
37. How did the snowman know he was getting sick?
He had the chills.
38. What type of beer is served in Iceland?
Only drafts.
39. How do mountain tops handle the cold?
They put on their snow caps.
40. What's easy to catch and hard to get rid of?
A cold.
41. Knock, knock. Who's there? Snow. Snow who?
Snow body.
42. When will you see snowmen dance?
At a snowball.
43. What did the snowman's wife put over the baby crib?
A snowmobile.
44. What gift should you never give a snowman?
An electric blanket.
45. How do you know when you have angered a snowman?
You'll get the cold shoulder.
46. What do you call a reindeer without eyes?
I have no eye deer.
47. What did a police officer ask a suspect in the Arctic?
Where were you the night of September to March?
48. What do you call 5 snowshoe hares bouncing backward in the snow?
A receding hare line.
49. Who protects snowmen?
Snow angels.
50. Why should you wear a helmet during a hail storm?
So you don't get knocked out cold.
51. Why are snowmen so well-behaved?
They don't want to end up in the greenhouse.
52. What did the scarf say to the hat?
You go on ahead and I'll just hang around.
53. How do snowmen get smarter?
From the winternet.
54. What do the elves eat for lunch in the North Pole?
Cold cuts and chilly.
55. What did one snowflake say to another?
Let's stick together.
56. How can you tell when a snowman is embarrassed?
He begins to slush.
57. What song do you sing to honor a snowman?
Freeze a jolly good fellow.
58. What is the elf's favorite time at the workshop?
Snow and tell.
59. How do you defend yourself against a snowman?
With a heat gun.
60. What do you call a snapshot from the North Pole?
A polaroid.
61. Why is it easy to build a blonde snowman?
It's made up of flakes.
62. What do trees say after winter is over?
What a re-leaf!
63. Why do polar bears live by themselves?
They like the ice-olation.
64. Which is faster, hot or cold?
Hot. You can easily catch a cold.
65. What do you call a penguin in the city?
Lost.
66. What does a snowman take when he's afraid of melting?
A chill pill.
67. What dilemma does a snowman with achy muscles have?
Wondering whether or not IcyHot rub is a good idea.
68. Why do reindeer have fur?
Because snowsuits don't fit them.
69. What are the chances of a white Christmas?
Pretty good. It's Decembrrrrr.
70. What happens when you cross a wizard with a blizzard?
You get a cold spell.
71. Why do ski socks never make plans?
They're afraid they'll get cold feet.
72. How do you stay warm in any room during the winter?
Go into a corner. It's always 90 degrees.
73. How do you get a snowman to disappear?
Give him a warm hug.
74. What happens when you ask Santa for money?
He leaves cold hard cash.
75. Why did the orchestra set up in the snow?
They wanted to play "cool jazz."
76. How do you know when there is a snowman in your bed?
You wake up wet!
Johnny's Math Lesson
The arithmetic teacher had written 10.9 on the blackboard and had then rubbed out the decimal point to show the effect of multiplying this number by ten.
"Johnny," the teacher asked, "where is the decimal point now?"
"On the eraser!" came back the quick reply.
Waiting for love
A fellow in a bar notices a woman, always alone, come in on a fairly regular basis. After the second week, he made his move.
"No thank you." she said politely. "This may sound rather odd in this day and age, but I'm keeping myself pure until I meet the man I love."
"That must be rather difficult." the man replied.
"Oh, I don't mind too much." she said. "But, it has my husband pretty upset."
Three convicts were on the way...
Three convicts were on the way to prison. They were each allowed to take one item with them to help them occupy their time whilst stuck behind bars. On the bus, one turned to another and said, "So, what did you bring?"The second convict pulled out a box of paints and stated that he intended to paint anything he could. He wanted to become the "Grandma Moses of Jail."
Then he asked the first, "What did you bring?"
The first convict pulled out a deck of cards and grinned and said, "I brought cards. I can play poker, solitaire and gin, and any number of games."
The third convict was sitting quietly aside grinning to himself. The other two took notice and asked, "Why are you so smug? What did you bring?"
The guy pulled out a box of tampons and smiled. "I brought these."
The other two were puzzled and asked, "What can you do with those?"
He grinned and pointed to the box and said, "Well according to the box, I can go horseback riding, swimming, roller-skating..."
Charlie Viracola: Believed in Santa
Christmas always sucked when I was a kid because I believed in Santa Claus, and unfortunately, so did my parents. Robert Schmidt 13
My uncle's an airline pilot ... kinda makes it difficult to hold the bottle though...When my Dad came home last night, my mom fainted.
Don't tell anyone I said but we're live on national TV.
I broke a leg one time ... spilt coffee all over.
I bought this thing for my car. You put it on your car, it sends out this little noise, so when you drive through the woods, deer won't run in front of your car. I installed it backwards by accident. Driving down the street with a herd of deer chasing me. Those were the days.
That's a good thing to say to the police the next time they stop you. "License and registration, please." "Hermits have no peer pressure." "License and registration, please." "Whenever I think about the past, it just brings back so many memories." "License and registration, please." "There's a fine line between fishing and standing on the shore looking like an idiot. Wouldn't you" say, Officer?" "License and registration, please." "What's another word for Thesaurus?" See the cop have a nervous breakdown. "I was just trying to give him a ticket."
I can't wait to be arrested and go all the way to the witness stand. "Do you swear to tell the whole truth and nothing but the truth so help you, God?" "Yes, you're ugly. See that women in the jury? I'd really like to sleep with her. Should I keep going or are you going to ask me questions?"
In the Roadrunner cartoon, the coyote has been chasing him for 25 years. I'd like to see him finally get right up to him and go "Sorry, I thought you were someone else."
Driving hasn't been the same since I installed the funhouse rearview mirrors. "What is that?"
Driving down the street at 150 miles per hour with a friend of mine on cruise control. Both of us in the back seat. The police pulled us over. They don't know who to arrest, nobody's driving. So, they arrested us both. I'm on the witness stand. You know the rest.
Would you like me to be your friend?
Kathy began a job as an elementary school counselor and she was eager to help.
One day, during recess, Kathy noticed a young girl standing by herself on one side of the playing field while the rest of the kids were playing a game of soccer.
A while later, Kathy walked over to the young girl and offered, "Would you like me to be your friend?"
The girl looked at Kathy suspiciously, then said hesitantly, "Okay, I guess so..."
"Why are you standing here all alone?" asked Kathy.
"Because," the little girl said with great exasperation, "I'm the goalie!"
The Worst Age
"Sixty is the worst age to be," said the 60-year-old.
"You always feel like you have to pee. And most of the time, you stand at the toilet and nothing comes out!"
"Ah, that's nothin'," said the 70-year-old. "When you're seventy, you can't even crap anymore. You take laxatives, then you sit on the toilet all day and nothin' comes out!"
"Actually," said the 80-year-old, "80 is the worst age of all!"
"Do you have trouble peeing too?" asked the 60-year-old.
"No, not really. I pee every morning at 6:00. I pee like a racehorse on a flat rock; no problem at all."
"Do you have trouble crapping?" asked the 70-year-old.
"No, I crap every morning at 6:30."
With great exasperation, the 60-year-old said, "Let me get this straight. You pee every morning at 6:00 and crap every morning at 6:30.
So what's so tough about being 80?"
"I don't wake up until 7:00!"
Celtic Mortality
What is the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral?
One less drunk.
Doctor Doctor Collection 13
Doctor, Doctor, I can't get to sleep. Sit on the edge of the bed and you'll soon drop off.
Doctor, Doctor You've got to help me - I just can't stop my hands shaking
Do you drink a lot?
Not really - I spill most of it!
Doctor, Doctor I keep thinking I'm a woodworm
How boring for you!
Doctor, Doctor I think I'm a bridge
What's come over you?
Oh, two cars, a large truck and a coach.
Doctor, Doctor I think I'm an electric eel
That's shocking!
Doctor, Doctor I think I'm a python
You can't get round me just like that you know!
Grass thief
After being turfed from his job, the grass thief was sod by police. There was evidence that he was carrying a blade.
Also, he sent his wife a John Deere letter.
But before lawn he was caught.
The man said “I just can't run no mower.”
If you want a list of Chuck No...
If you want a list of Chuck Norris' enemies, just check the extinct species list. Shortest books
The Shortest Books Ever Written.
1000 Years of German Humor
Everything Men Know About Women
The Code of Ethics for Lawyers
Italian War Heroes
Who's who in Puerto Rico
Americans' Guide to Etiquette
Royal Family's Guide to Good Marriages
Safe Places to Travel in the USA
Jerry Garcia's Guide to Beating Drug Addiction
Contraception by Pope John Paul II
Career Opportunities for Liberal Arts Majors
Cooking Gourmet Dishes With Tofu
Gun Control for The New Millenium: NRA Handbook
