Jokes of the day for Friday, 22 December 2023
| Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Friday, 22 December 2023 |
Who Needs A Parachute
You do not need a parachute to go skydiving...
You need a parachute to go skydiving twice.
Conway Twitty, Is That Really You?
A young pastor moved to town and decided he would go around and introduce himself to the new congregation. He rang the first door bell and a lady came to the door. She stared at him as he introduced himself. She said, “I can't believe how much you look like Conway Twitty, the country music singer.” He replied, “Yes, ma’am, I hear that a lot.”He went to the next house and the next, and every lady that came to the door said the same thing—that he looked like Conway Twitty.At the last house, a shapely young lady came to the door with a towel around her. He started to introduce himself, but she loosened her towel, threw her arms in the air, and screamed, “Conway Twitty!”The pastor stood there, stunned. Then he said, “Hello, darling!”-Fifty years from now....
Three elderly people were talking about what their grandchildren would be saying about them fifty years from now.
"I would like my grandchildren to say, 'He was successful in business,'" declared the first man.
"Fifty years from now," said the second, "I want them to say, 'He was a loyal family man.'"
Turning to the third one, a lady, he asked, "So what do you want them to say about you in fifty years?"
"Me?" the third one replied. "I want them to say, 'She certainly looks good for her age.'"
A college student picked up hi...
A college student picked up his date at her parents home. He'd scraped together every cent he had to take her to a fancy restaurant. To his dismay, she ordered almost everything expensive on the menu. Appetizers, lobster, champagne. . .the works. Finally he asked her, "Does your Mother feed you like this at home?"
"No," she said, "but my Mother's not looking to get laid, either."
A little girl is sitting on he...
A little girl is sitting on her grandpa's lap and studying the wrinkles on his old face. She gets up the nerve to rub her fingers over the wrinkles. Then she touches her own face and looks more puzzled. Finally the little girl asks, "Grandpa, did God make you?" "He sure did honey, a long time ago," replies her grandpa.
"Well, did God make me?" asks the little girl.
"Yes, He did, and that wasn't too long ago," answers her grandpa.
"Boy," says the little girl, "He's sure doing a lot better job these days isn't He?"
A Moral Question
One man said to another, "I didn't sleep with my wife before I got married. How about you?"
The man replied, "I don't know. What was her maiden name?"
100% Polar bear
One afternoon in the Arctic, a father polar bear and his son polar bear were sitting in the snow. The son polar bear turned to his father and asked, "Dad, am I 100% polar bear?"
"Of course, son, you're 100% polar bear."
A few minutes pass, and the son polar bear turns to his father again and says, "Dad, tell me the truth. I can take it. Am I 100% polar bear? No brown bear or panda bear or grizzly bear?"
"Son, I'm 100% polar bear and your mother is 100% polar bear, so you're certainly 100% polar bear."
A few more minutes pass, and the son polar bear again turns to his father and says, "Dad, don't think your sparing my feelings if it's not true. I really need to know... am I really 100% polar bear?"
Distressed by this continued questioning, the father polar bear finally asked his son, "Why do you keep asking if you're 100% polar bear?"
"Because I'm freezing to death out here!"
Stay Over One Night
A hindu priest, rabbi and a lawyer were driving down the road, when the car breaks down. Fortunately finding a farmhouse nearby, the farmer informed them that he had only one spare room, and that it had only two twin beds.They were welcome to it, but one of them had to sleep in the barn. After much discussion, the hindu volunteered to go to the barn. A few moments later, a knock on the bedroom door, and the hidu explained that there was a cow in the barn, and cows are sacred and he could not possibly sleep in the barn with a cow.
Annoyed, the rabbi volunteered. A few moments later, a knock on the door. The rabbi explained that there was a pig in the barn and that he, being very orthodox, could not possibly spend the evening in the barn with the origin of pork.
Finally the lawyer said that he would go to the barn. A few moments later there was a knock on the door. It was the cow and the pig!
Geraniums....
"I'm sorry," said the clerk in flower shop, "we don't have potted geraniums. Could you use African violets instead?"
Replied the customer sadly, "No, it was geraniums my wife told me to water while she was gone."
Top 22 dad jokes, voted by kids
1. Why did the crab never share?
Because he’s shellfish.
2. Did you hear the rumour about butter?
Well, I’m not going to spread it!
3. What do you call a man who can’t stand?
Neil.
4. I wouldn’t buy anything with velcro.
It’s a total rip-off!
5. Dad, did you get a haircut?
No, I got them all cut.
6. I keep trying to lose weight...
but it keeps finding me.
7. What do you call a bear without any teeth?
A gummy bear!
8. Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer?
He couldn’t see himself doing it.
9. You know what the loudest pet you can get is?
A trumpet.
10. Why can’t T-Rexs clap their hands?
Because they are extinct.
11. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day...
but I couldn’t find any.
12. Why did the picture go to jail?
Because it was framed.
13. Have you ever tried to eat a clock?
Its very time-consuming.
14. What kind of tea you drink with the Queen?
Royal tea.
15. What did the drummer call his twin daughters?
Anna one, Anna two!
16. How do you cut the ocean in half?
With a sea-saw.
17. I don’t trust stairs.
They’re always up to something.
18. Why did the tomato blush?
Because it saw the salad dressing.
19. Where do you learn to make ice cream?
Sundae school.
20. What do you call a small mother?
A minimum.
21.Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up by itself?
It was two tired
22.Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees?
Because they’re so good at it.
Blind Skydivers
Q: Why don't blind people skydive?
A: It scares the crap out of their seeing-eye dogs.
Bill Burr: Rednecks to Afghanistan
Rednecks are like Americas pit bulls. They should just sedate those people, drop em off in Afghanistan, just let them run wild. Just be like, Dude, just go do everything you ever dreamed of doing. Just go crazy. Have one of your friends play the banjo -- itll scare the hell out of them. 
