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Jokes of the day for Thursday, 22 December 2011

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Thursday, 22 December 2011

Teacher: Now, Sam, tell m...

Teacher: Now, Sam, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?

Sam: No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook.
#joke #short #food #eating
Joke | Source: MHINTZ0929's Blog - New funny joke each day
  • Currently 5.60/10

Rating: 5.6/10 (5)

Christmas jokes-Prayers

A few days before Christmas, two young brothers were spending the night at their grandparent's house. When it was time to go to bed, and anxious to do the right thing, they both knelt down to say their prayers.
Suddenly, the younger one began to do so in a very loud voice.
"Dear Lord, please ask Santa Claus to bring me a play-station, a mountain-bike and a telescope."
His older brother leaned over and nudged his brother and said, "Why are you shouting your prayers? God isn't deaf."
"I know" he replied, "But Grandma is!"
#joke #christmas
Joke | Source: Really Funny Jokes - Really Funny jokes, adult jokes, Good jokes, short funny jokes, teacher jokes, affair jokes, kids jokes, doctor jokes, funny pictures
  • Currently 6.33/10

Rating: 6.3/10 (9)

Chuck Norris can divide by zer...

Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
Joke | Source: Daily Chuck - Daily Chuck Norris Fact
  • Currently 3.43/10

Rating: 3.4/10 (42)

Funny Photo of the day - Have a break

Have a break - Have a kit kat | Source : Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 4.13/10

Rating: 4.1/10 (15)

I'm thinking of buying a...

I'm thinking of buying a cat. I've heard cats can be finicky. In fact, the pet store said that the cat that I want only eats religiously consecrated fish — from the superorder elopomorpha. Pretty weird. So… when I get that feline, I need sectual eelings?
#joke #short #animal #cat #pet #fish
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 6.67/10

Rating: 6.7/10 (6)

Teacher: Now, Sam, tell me fra...

Teacher: Now, Sam, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?

Sam: No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook.

#joke #short #food #eating
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 6.88/10

Rating: 6.9/10 (8)

The Priest and the Politician

A parish priest was being honored at a dinner on the twenty-fifth anniversary of his arrival in that parish. A leading local politician, who was a member of the congregation, was chosen to make the presentation and give a little speech at the dinner, but he was delayed in traffic, so the priest decided to say his own few words while they waited.
"You will understand," he said, "the seal of the confessional, can never be broken. However, I got my first impressions of the parish from the first confession I heard here. I can only hint vaguely about this, but when I came here twenty-five years ago I thought I had been assigned to a terrible place. The very first chap who entered my confessional told me how he had stolen a television set, and when stopped by the police, had almost murdered the officer. Further, he told me he had embezzled money from his place of business and had an affair with his boss's wife. I was appalled. But as the days went on I knew that my people were not all like that, and I had, indeed come to, a fine parish full of understanding and loving people."
Just as the priest finished his talk, the politician arrived full of apologies at being late. He immediately began to make the presentation and give his talk.
"I'll never forget the first day our parish priest arrived in this parish," said the politician. "In fact, I had the honor of being the first one to go to him in confession."

#joke #policeman #animal #seal #food #dinner
Joke | Source: Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
  • Currently 6.33/10

Rating: 6.3/10 (6)

Two guys in an office talking ...

Two guys in an office talking at the water cooler and the subject of death comes up.

"When its my time, I wanna go in bed with a beautiful woman," says the first guy.

The other guy shakes his head. "Not me, I want go in my sleep like my grandfather."

He finishes. "Not kicking and screaming like the passengers in his car."
#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Used to be Joke rating machine, but this site is dead
  • Currently 5.14/10

Rating: 5.1/10 (7)

Clean floor...

While carpenters were working outside the old house I had just bought, I busied myself with indoor cleaning.

I had just finished washing the floor when one of the workmen asked to use the bathroom. With dismay, I looked from his muddy boots to my newly-scrubbed floors.

"Just a minute," I said, thinking of a quick solution. "I'll put down some newspapers for you."

"That's all right, Lady," he responded. "I'm already trained."

#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (11)

River of God

A southern minister was completing a temperance sermon. With

great expression he said, "If I had all the beer in the

world, I'd take it and

pour it into the river."

With even greater emphasis he said, "And if I had all the

wine in the

world, I'd take it and pour it into the river."

And then finally, he said, "And if I had all the whiskey in

the world, I'd

take it and pour it into the river." Sermon complete, he

then sat down.

The song leader stood very cautiously and announced with a

smile, "For our

closing song, let us sing Hymn #365: 'Shall We Gather at the

River'."

#joke #drinks #wine #whiskey #beer
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 4.00/10

Rating: 4.0/10 (11)

Siblings

A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds.

After explaining the commandment to “honor” thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, “Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?”

Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered, “Thou shall not kill.”

#joke
Joke | Source: Joke Diary - Really Funny Jokes Daily
  • Currently 7.10/10

Rating: 7.1/10 (50)

Lewis Black: Christian Calendar

Christians have created a holiday that has become a beast that cannot be fed. Every year, Christmas gets longer and longer and longer. And you dont care, do you? You just take more and more of the calendar for yourself. Its unbelievable! How long does it take you people to shop? Its beyond belief. Its insane. When I was a kid, Halloween was Halloween, and Santa wasnt poking his ass into it!
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 22 December 2010
  • Currently 3.38/10

Rating: 3.4/10 (8)

What does the starship enterpr...

What does the starship enterprise and tiolet paper have in common?
They both circle around uranus and wipe out klingons.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 08 November 2009
  • Currently 5.53/10

Rating: 5.5/10 (66)

A college student picked up hi...

A college student picked up his date at her parents home. He'd scraped together every cent he had to take her to a fancy restaurant. To his dismay, she ordered almost everything expensive on the menu. Appetizers, lobster, champagne. . .the works. Finally he asked her,
"Does your Mother feed you like this at home?"
"No," she said, "but my Mother's not looking to get laid, either."
#joke #drinks #champagne
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 22 December 2009
  • Currently 4.59/10

Rating: 4.6/10 (71)

A little girl is sitting on he...

A little girl is sitting on her grandpa's lap and studying the wrinkles on his old face. She gets up the nerve to rub her fingers over the wrinkles. Then she touches her own face and looks more puzzled. Finally the little girl asks, "Grandpa, did God make you?"
"He sure did honey, a long time ago," replies her grandpa.
"Well, did God make me?" asks the little girl.
"Yes, He did, and that wasn't too long ago," answers her grandpa.
"Boy," says the little girl, "He's sure doing a lot better job these days isn't He?"
#joke #food #honey
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 22 December 2009
  • Currently 8.10/10

Rating: 8.1/10 (40)

A Moral Question

One man said to another, "I didn't sleep with my wife before I got married. How about you?"
The man replied, "I don't know. What was her maiden name?"

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 22 December 2010
  • Currently 5.73/10

Rating: 5.7/10 (37)

Horse Auction

Little Johnny attended a horse auction with his father. He watched as his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horse's legs and rump, and chest. After a few minutes, Johnny asked, "Dad, why are you doing that?"
His father replied, "Because when I'm buying horses, I have to make sure that they are healthy and in good shape before I buy."
Johnny, looking worried, said, "Dad, I think the UPS guy wants to buy Mom..."
#joke #animal #horse
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 22 December 2009
  • Currently 6.10/10

Rating: 6.1/10 (10)

Lightbulb Joke Collection 40

Q: How many body builders/weightlifters does it take to change a lightbulb ?

A: 6. One to change it and 5 to say "Man, you've got huge muscles !"


Q: How many Sun readers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: 10. One to hold the bulb and nine to rotate the ladder.


Q: How many Sun readers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: None, but one is enough to screw up the joke.


Q: How many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb ?

A: Duh.... whats a lightbulb???


Q: How many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb ?

A: It depends how many blondes there are, but some people prefer it with the lights off.


Q: How many poltergeists does it take to change a lightbulb ?

A: Three. One to unscrew the old bulb and drop it on the floor, one to put the new bulb in, and one to move a few more things about just for good measure.


Q: How many nihilists does it take to change a light bulb?

A: There is nothing to change.


Q: How many fatalists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: Sod it, we're all gonna die anyway.





#joke #blonde
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 22 December 2008
  • Currently 4.78/10

Rating: 4.8/10 (9)

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