Top 22 dad jokes, voted by kids

1. Why did the crab never share?
Because he’s shellfish.

2. Did you hear the rumour about butter?
Well, I’m not going to spread it!

3. What do you call a man who can’t stand?
Neil.

4. I wouldn’t buy anything with velcro.
It’s a total rip-off!

5. Dad, did you get a haircut?
No, I got them all cut.

6. I keep trying to lose weight...
but it keeps finding me.

7. What do you call a bear without any teeth?
A gummy bear!

8. Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer?
He couldn’t see himself doing it.

9. You know what the loudest pet you can get is?
A trumpet.

10. Why can’t T-Rexs clap their hands?
Because they are extinct.

11. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day...
but I couldn’t find any.

12. Why did the picture go to jail?
Because it was framed.

13. Have you ever tried to eat a clock?
Its very time-consuming.

14. What kind of tea you drink with the Queen?
Royal tea.

15. What did the drummer call his twin daughters?
Anna one, Anna two!

16. How do you cut the ocean in half?
With a sea-saw.

17. I don’t trust stairs.
They’re always up to something.

18. Why did the tomato blush?
Because it saw the salad dressing.

19. Where do you learn to make ice cream?
Sundae school.

20. What do you call a small mother?
A minimum.

21.Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up by itself?
It was two tired

22.Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees?
Because they’re so good at it.