Jokes of the day for Wednesday, 28 January 2026
| Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Wednesday, 28 January 2026 |
A trip to the movies...
For the first time in many years, an old man traveled from his rural town to the city to attend a movie.
After buying his ticket, he stopped at the concession stand to purchase some popcorn. As he handed the attendant $1.50, he couldn't help but comment, "The last time I went to the movies, popcorn was only 15 cents."
"Well, sir," the attendant replied with a grin, "You're really going to enjoy yourself this evening. We have sound now."
An Englishman, a Scots man, and an Irish man are sentenced to 100...
An Englishman, a Scots man, and an Irish man are sentenced to 100 lashes. The judge was in a benevolent mood though and offered them each a request that maybe would make it easier on them.
The Scottish man asked for a pillow to be strapped to his back, but it had worn away after 50 lashes and he suffered for the remaining 50.
The Englishman being smart asked for 2 pillows, and he didn't feel any of the lashes on his back.
Before the Irishman was asked, the judge said "I love Ireland, it has given us the greatest music, poets, writers and art - because of this you get 2 requests"
The Irishman thought and said "firstly I'd like 200 lashes, and second of all strap the Englishman to my back"
Crime of Silence
A friend of mine got kidnapped by a group of mimes...
They did unspeakable things to him!
Swear words
If you don't know any cool swear words, ask someone from an Ah – Frickin' country. Cured
A woman went to doctor's office for her annual examination.
Suddenly, another older doctor noticed her burst out of the examination room, screaming as she ran down the hall. He stopped the hysterical woman and asked her to sit down and relax. Then, he asked her what she was so upset about.
A few minutes later, the older doctor marched back to the woman's doctor and demanded, "What's the matter with you? Mrs. Terry is 63 years old, she has four grown children, and seven grandchildren... and you told her she was pregnant?"
The woman's doctor smiled smugly as he continued to write on his clipboard, "Cured her hiccups though, didn't I?"
True Friendship - without the...
True Friendship - without the Sissy Crap1. When you are sad -- I will help you get drunk and plot revenge against the sorry bastard who made you sad.
2. When you are blue -- I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.
3. When you smile -- I will know you finally got laid.
4. When you are scared -- I will rag on you about it every chance I get.
5. When you are worried -- I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be until you quit whining.
6. When you are confused -- I will use little words.
7. When you are sick -- Stay the hell away from me until you are well again. I don't want whatever you have.
8. When you fall -- I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass.
9. This is my oath..... I pledge it to the end. "Why?" you may ask; "because you are my friend".
Two women were having lunch to...
Two women were having lunch together, and discussing the merits of cosmetic surgery. The first woman says, "I need to be honest with you, I'm getting a boob job."The second woman says, "Oh that's nothing, I'm thinking of having my asshole bleached!"
To which the first replies, "Whoa, I just can't picture your husband as a blonde!"
They were looking down into th...
They were looking down into the depths of the Grand Canyon. "Do you know," asked the guide, "that it took millions and millions of years for this great abyss to be carved out?""Well, I'll be darned," exclaimed the traveler. "I never knew this was a government job."
A boy was having a lot of diff...
A boy was having a lot of difficulty in French class. To encourage him, his teacher said, "You'll know you're really beginning to get it when you start dreaming in French." The boy ran into class all excited one day, saying, "Teacher, teacher! I had a dream last night and everyone was talking in French!" "Great!" said the teacher; "what were they saying?" "I don't know," the boy replied; "I couldn't understand them."
Daniel Tosh: Millionaire Game Show
Id like a game show with millionaires on it, and they have to play with their own money, and they cant win money, they can only lose til one them goes complete broke, and the shows called Ha Ha, Now Youre Poor. Are you kidding?
Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Person asked a young Engineer fresh out of MIT, "And what starting salary were you looking for?"
The Engineer said, "In the neighborhood of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package."
The interviewer said, "Well, what would you say to a package of 5 weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, a company matching retirement fund for 50% of your salary, and a company car leased every 2 years -- say, a red Corvette?"
The Engineer sat up straight and said, "Wow! Are you kidding?"
And the interviewer replied, "Yeah, but you started it."
8 short dad jokes to make you laugh
mom:Do you think we’re made of money?
daughter: Isn’t that what MOM stands for?
I wanted to get rid of my old knackered flat screen tv that doesn't work anymore.
The council said they would charge me £27.00 to collect it and dispose of it.
Instead, I paid £7.50 and booked an online courier to collect it and deliver to somebody I don't like!
In my last job my wages were paid in vegetables.
I left because i was unhappy with the celery.
It was a very moving ceremony.
Even the cake is in tiers.
So, today, I told my team about the importance of dried grapes.
It’s all about raisin awareness.
Yeah. I was in a Zoom meeting when I told that joke and they didn’t laugh either.
It turns out I’m not even remotely funny.
My mum told me that I can’t drive a car made of spaghetti.
You should have seen her face when I drove pasta.
Why are Catholics so upbeat after church gatherings?
Because they convert Mass into energy.