What The Job Ad Says

-Lousy job with a company that will file bankruptcy within a year

Progressive company

- Employees get to wear jeans every other Friday

Team player

-Must deal with dangerously territorial coworkers with rabid personalities

Upbeat personalities

-Must neither threaten us with any kind of lawsuit nor use the drug alcohol rehab benefit within the first year

Word processing skills essential

-There is a crippling case of carpal tunnel syndrome in your future

Public Relations Receptionist, Professional appearance important

-$20 K a year job that requires a $100K year wardrobe

Salary range $24K to $32K

-The salary is $24K

Will train

-Prior conviction of a felony or two, no problem

BA required, MA preferred

-Must be a MA willing to work for a BA salary

Civil service

-This job was filled from the inside six months ago

Outstanding benefits package

-Health insurance

Tons of variety

-We took all of the heinous tasks no one else would do and rolled them into one job

Top notch communication skills

-Telemarketing

Beautiful offices in attractive locale

-Brand new tacky windowless office where picture frames match the carpet

Secretary

-Woman only job with the responsibilities of management and the wages of a migrant worker

Executive secretary

-The most powerful position in any company

Dedicated

-You're looking at a minimum of 80 hours a week until we force you into early retirement

Salary commensurate

-We'll pay you whatever the we feel like

Salary negotiable

-We'll take the lowest bidder

Competitive salary

-We'll pay you up to 10 percent more than your last job!

Competitive starting salary

-Ten cents above minimum wage

Pleasant atmosphere

-A staff of pod people

Professional atmosphere

-Zombie pod people

Self-starter

-Open to very broad interpretation, since no one really knows what this means