Popular jokes (15076 to 15090)Jokes sorted by popularity on social networks. Popularity is sum of all all comments, likes, pluses, tweets, etc. is new measure, independant from rating with our star rating system. |
The server at the restaurant t
The server at the restaurant told such awful jokes, it was torture. I wanted him charged with waiterboreding#joke #short
I sneezed during a knock-knock
I sneezed during a knock-knock joke. Guesswhonteit!#joke #short
You got promoted from captain
You got promoted from captain to a higher rank? I bet that major day!#joke #short
A man took his dog to the Vet.
A man took his dog to the Vet. He said, "Doctor, I think my dog is dead."The Vet told him to put the dog on the table and then left the room. Soon he came back with a cat. The cat sniffed the dogs ears, his nose and then walked all over him.
The Vet said, "Yep, your dog is dead. That will be $500 and $35 dollars."
The man said, "$500 and $35 dollars! What for?"
The Vet said, "$35 for the office visit and $500 for the cat scan."
Two bachelors, Larry and Frank...
Two bachelors, Larry and Frank were out to dinner. The conversation drifted from office, sports to politics and then to cooking. “I got a cook book once” said Larry. “But I couldn’t do anything with it.” “Too much fancy stuff in it, huh?” asked Frank. “You said it, Larry replied, nodding. “Every one of those recipes began the same way: “Take a clean plate…”Picture menu....
I stopped at the local Burger King for a cold drink and was reading the menu over the counter. I noticed a sign to the side that stated "Picture Menu Available".
I had to ask the clerk what it was for and they told me that they had a number of customers who couldn't read and they used that.
Of course I asked how they would know this picture menu was available and the answer was the classic, "Well, it says so on the sign, doesn't it?"
#joke #food #burger
Bill and his wife, Sherry, get
Bill and his wife, Sherry, get along just great, except that Bill complains Sherry is a "backseat driver" second to none.After years of putting up with her pestering, Bill finally decided he'd had enough and advised Sherry that he would no longer drive with her in the car.
Later that day, on his way home from work, Bill's cell phone rang as he was merging onto a freeway. It was Sherry calling.
By chance, she had entered the freeway right behind him. "Honey," she said sweetly, "your turn signal is still on. And turn on your lights; it's starting to rain."
#joke #food #honey
Beethoven's flatulence g
Beethoven's flatulence gave him great pleasure. So he penned Odour to Joy.#joke #short
A Horse Breeder Story
This Kentucky horse breeder had a filly that won every race in which she was entered. But as she got older she became very temperamental. He soon found that when he raced her in the evening, she would win handily, but when she raced during the day she would come in dead last. He consulted the top veterinarians and horse psychologists to no avail. He finally had to give up because it had become a real night mare.
#joke #animal #horse
Defective nails
Two blondes were building a house.
One saw that the other was going into her pouch and throwing every other nail out.
She thought that this was weird and decided to look into it.
"Why do you keep throwing every other nail away?"
"Well, when I pull one out of my pouch, and it is facing towards the house, I nail it in. If it is facing away from the house, it is defective and I throw it away."
"You idiot, those nails aren't defective, they are for the other side of the house."
#joke #blonde
A middle-aged woman enters her
A middle-aged woman enters her family doctor's office in a frantic state. She says, "Doctor, I think I'm turning into a horse!"The doctor, taken aback, replies, "I'm sure you may have some problem, but I assure you no human has ever turned into a horse."
The woman became more insistent and said, "Doctor, look at my teeth. They're getting bigger and more yellow!"
The doctor calmly replied, "Yes, I see. Your teeth appear a bit larger and more yellow than your last visit, but I don't think you're turning into a horse."
Getting more frustrated, the woman said, "Well, I think I'm getting a mane! Look at all this hair on the back of my neck. It's grown 5 inches in one week!"
Becoming more concerned, the doctor said, "You're not turning into a horse. We'll just shave your neck occasionally."
At this point the woman became considerably frustrated, speaking faster and louder, "Just look at my finger and toe nails! They've become very thick and big. I'm developing hooves!"
The doctor in amazement cried, "Holy cow! I've never seen finger and toe nails that big!"
Then the woman pulls up the back of her skirt and said, "And look at this, doctor. My backbone is protruding significantly from my butt!"
The doctor looked in amazement, then started scribbling on a small piece of paper.
The woman asked, "Are you writing me a prescription?"
The doctor said, "No. I'm writing a memo to my brother-in-law. He works at City Hall. Take this to him and he'll give you a permit to take a dump in the street!"
