Popular jokes (17071 to 17085)Jokes sorted by popularity on social networks. Popularity is sum of all all comments, likes, pluses, tweets, etc. is new measure, independant from rating with our star rating system. |
Porch or Lexus?
A blonde wanting to earn extra money decided to do odd jobs for her wealthy neighbors. At the first house, the owner said,"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"$50" she replies
The man agrees and gives her the paint and brushes and goes back in the house. The man's wife overheard their conversation and asked him if she had realized that the porch goes all around the house. "She should. She was standing on it"
A short time later the blonde came to the door to collect her money. "You've finished already?" the man asked.
"Yeah, and i had paint left over so i gave two coats."
Impressed the man reaches for the money. "And by the way," the blonde added, "it's not a porch. Its a Lexus."
In ancient Egypt, pa...
"In ancient Egypt, papyrus farmers taught people the importance of reeding."People With Busy Lives
The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny.
St. Paul, Minnesota:
For people with lots on their agenda, Minnesota Mining & Manufacturing Company creates 25-inch-by-30-inch Post-It Easel Pads.
I'm good at solving laby
I'm good at solving labyrinths. It only takes me a minotaur to.Help Me, Dad
Dad," said Little Johnny, "I'm late for football practice. Would you please do my homework for me?"
Little Johnny's father said irately, "Son, it just wouldn't be right."
"That's okay," replied Little Johnny. "You could at least give it a try, couldn't you?"
Ryan Hamilton: Crazy Car Dealerships
Car dealerships are the craziest. These people throw a party. Did you ever notice that? They get the streamers out. They got balloons up like theyre conducting weather experiments or something. They got the search lights out there like Batmans gonna show up and apply for credit. Theyre giving away free hot dogs like its no big deal. Yeah, Ill take a $25,000 automobile if you throw in a hot dog. You bet I will.Button Up
A man lost two buttons from his shirt and put them in his pants pocket. But the pocket had a hole, so the buttons fell into his shoe. Unfortunately, the shoe sole also had a hole, so he lost the buttons.
As pockets with holes, holes without buttons, and shoe soles with holes are useless, the man ripped the buttonholes out of his shirt and the pocked from his pants and tossed them in the trash along with the soles of his shoes.
A police officer who was observing the man asked him for some identification. The man gave the officer a document that shoed he was an ordained minister of the gospel.
When the officer began to escort him to a mental institution, the minister protested violently, asking why he was receiving such unjust treatment.
“Look, we both know it’s the best place for you now,†the officer replied. “Anyone claiming to be a preacher who doesn’t save souls or wear holy clothes has probably lost his buttons.â€
From "The Book of Church Jokes," published by Barbour Publishing, Inc., Uhrichsville, Ohio. Copyright 2009. Used by permission of Barbour Publishing, Inc.
“The people who knew
“The people who knew John Venn liked him, hated him, or a little bit of both.”
“I don't know why my
“I don't know why my eyeglass lenses were steamed up. I was mystified.”
Freddie and John were fortunat
Freddie and John were fortunate enough to have a season ticket to watch Chelsea. They could not help noticing that there was always a spare seat (B14) next to them and they had a friend who would love to buy a season ticket, especially if all three could have seats together.One half-time Freddie went to the ticket office and asked if they could by buy the season ticket for B14. The official said that unfortunately the ticket had been sold. Nevertheless, week after week the seat was still empty.
Then on Boxing day, much to Freddie and Eddie's amazement the seat was taken for the first time that season. John could not resist asking the newcomer, "Where have you been all season?"
"Don't ask," he said, "My wife bought the season ticket back last summer, and kept it for a surprise Christmas present."
A Bible study group was discus
A Bible study group was discussing the unforeseen possibility of their sudden death. The leader of the discussion said, "We will all die some day, and none of us really know when, but if we did we would all do a better job of preparing ourselves for that inevitable event.""Everybody nodded their heads in agreement with this comment."
Then the leader said to the group, "What would you do if you knew you only had 4 weeks of life remaining before your death, and then the Great Judgment Day?"
A gentleman said, " I would go out into my community and minister the Gospel to those that have not yet accepted the Lord into their lives."
"Very good!" ,said the group leader, and all the group members agreed, that would be a very good thing to do.
One lady spoke up and said enthusiastically, "I would dedicate all of my remaining time to serving God, my family, my church, and my fellow man with a greater conviction."
"That's wonderful!" the group leader commented, and all the group members agreed, that would be a very good thing to do.
But one gentleman in the back finally spoke up loudly and said, "I would go to my mother-in-laws house for the 4 weeks."
Everyone was puzzled by this answer, and the group leader ask, "Why your mother-in-laws home?"
Then the gentleman smiled sarcastically and said, "Because, that would be the longest 4 weeks of my life!"
