Popular jokes (17476 to 17490)Jokes sorted by popularity on social networks. Popularity is sum of all all comments, likes, pluses, tweets, etc. is new measure, independant from rating with our star rating system. |
Teacher: Billy, name two prono
Teacher: Billy, name two pronouns.Billy: Who, me?
Teacher: Very good!
#joke #short
Hearing Aids
A man real...
Hearing AidsA man realized he needed to purchase a hearing aid, but he felt unwilling to spend much money.
"How much do they run?" he asked the clerk.
"That depends," said the salesman. "They run from $2.00 to $2,000."
"Let's see the $2.00 model," he said.
The clerk put the device around the man's neck. "You just stick this button in your ear and run this little string down to your pocket," he instructed.
"How does it work?" the customer asked.
"For $2.00 it doesn't work," the salesman replied. "But when people see it on you, they'll talk louder!"
#joke
“When the pint overfl
“When the pint overflowed for a second time, it was subpoenaed for a quart date.”
#joke #short
Dear Agony Aunt...
Dear Editor,
I have two brothers, one works at Microsoft, the other was sentenced to death in the gas chamber. My mother died of insanity when I was three years old, my two sisters are prostitutes and my father sells drugs.
Recently, I met a girl who was released from a reformatory where she served time for smothering her illegitimate child to death. I love this girl very much and want to marry her.
My problem is this:
Shall I tell her about my brother who works at Microsoft?
Sincerely, Larry
Humor About Irish Marriages
Some years ago, Michael J. Flanagan, a successful New York contractor, was standing on the deck of the Staten Island Ferry when a car got loose and sent him into the river where he drowned.
The following Sunday his widow, all decked out in deepest black, was standing on the church steps after Mass, receiving condolences and enjoying every minute of it, when an old friend of the contractor came up.
"I'm sorry, Mary, for your trouble," offered the friend. "Did Mike leave you well fixed?"
"Oh, he did!" she said. "He left me almost a half million dollars."
"Well now, that's not bad for a man who couldn't read or write."
"Nor swim either," added the widow.
The American tourist in Dublin had been complaining a great deal about the food.
"Here," he said to the waitress holding out a piece of meat for inspection, "do you call that pig?"
"Which end of the fork, sir?" the waitress asked sweetly.
John Heffron: Older Women
Im not saying older women are sluttier; Im just saying, an older woman isnt gonna make you wait til three in the morning cause shes got sh*t to do the next day. Shell probably have you done by 10. Shes got a meeting to get up for. Heck, if she has kids, you might get to leave with one of those cool Lunchables boxes -- get yourself a little snack pack for all the work you put in.#joke
Adult jokes-Loose character
Derick was on his first date with Gina who was known to be a "loose" character.
Once he parked his car, they indulged in foreplay and Gina seemed to like it. As the heat was building up, he put his hand inside her knickers.
She seemed to be loving it, but suddenly cried, "Ahh, your ring is hurting me!"
Derick replied, "not my ring, that's my watch."
#joke
A wife was making a breakfast ...
A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband. Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen."Careful," he said. "Careful! Put in some more butter! Oh my gosh! You're cooking too many at once. Too many! Turn them! Turn them now!
We need more butter. Oh my gosh! Where are we going to get more butter? They're going to stick! Careful. Careful! I said be careful!
You never listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up!
Don't forget to salt them! You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. Use the salt! The salt!"
His wife stared at him.
"What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"
The husband calmly replied, "I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving."
#joke #food #breakfast #butter #salt #egg
Rising unemployment rate
Q: What's the worst thing about the rising unemployment rate?A: It's harder to screw your girlfriend when her husband's always home.
#joke #short
What did the mayo say when som...
What did the mayo say when someone opened the refrigerator door?"Close the door, I'm dressing!"
#joke #short
An account executive drove his
An account executive drove his two young staff to work late one weekend for an important company project. A genie appeared and granted each one wish.The first asked to be on a yacht in Hawaii and - poof - he was gone.
The second wished to be transported to a Florida beach and - poof - she was away.
The account exec thought briefly about his wish and then said, "I want those two lazy staff back here, right now!"
#joke
