Popular jokes (17626 to 17640)Jokes sorted by popularity on social networks. Popularity is sum of all all comments, likes, pluses, tweets, etc. is new measure, independant from rating with our star rating system. |
Rain Or Shine Test
Dick: Great News! Teacher said we would have a test rain or shine.
Jane: What’s so great about that?
Dick: It’s snowing.
#joke #short
Christmas Present
It was the day after Christmas at a church in San Francisco. Pastor Mike was looking at the nativity scene outside when he noticed the baby Jesus was missing from the figures.Immediately, Pastor Mike turned towards the church to call the police. But as he was about to do so, he saw little Jimmy with a red wagon, and in the wagon was the figure of the little infant, Jesus.
Pastor Mike walked up to Jimmy and said, "Well, Jimmy, where did you get the little infant?" Jimmy replied, "I got him from the church."
"And why did you take him?"
With a sheepish smile, Jimmy said, "Well, about a week before Christmas I prayed to little Lord Jesus. I told him if he would bring me a red wagon for Christmas, I would give him a ride around the block in it."
#joke #policeman #christmas
Does Atlantis exist? No, that
Does Atlantis exist? No, that is a false city.#joke #short
Humor About Irish Marriages
Some years ago, Michael J. Flanagan, a successful New York contractor, was standing on the deck of the Staten Island Ferry when a car got loose and sent him into the river where he drowned.
The following Sunday his widow, all decked out in deepest black, was standing on the church steps after Mass, receiving condolences and enjoying every minute of it, when an old friend of the contractor came up.
"I'm sorry, Mary, for your trouble," offered the friend. "Did Mike leave you well fixed?"
"Oh, he did!" she said. "He left me almost a half million dollars."
"Well now, that's not bad for a man who couldn't read or write."
"Nor swim either," added the widow.
The American tourist in Dublin had been complaining a great deal about the food.
"Here," he said to the waitress holding out a piece of meat for inspection, "do you call that pig?"
"Which end of the fork, sir?" the waitress asked sweetly.
The Tourist
A tourist goes into a restaurant in Spain and orders the specialty of the house. When his dinner arrives, he asks the waiter what it is."These, senor," replied the waiter in broken English, "are the cojones, how you say, the testicles, of the bull killed in the ring today."
The tourist swallowed hard but tasted the dish and thought it was delicious. So he comes back the next evening and orders the same item. When it is served, he says to the waiter, "These cojones, or whatever you call them...are much smaller than the ones I had last night."
"Yes, senor," replied the waiter, "You see...the bull, he does not always lose.
Timmy's Test Paper
Teacher: “I hope I didn’t see you looking at Timmy’s test paper?”
Little Johnny: ”I hope you didn't see me either!”
#joke #short
John Heffron: Older Women
Im not saying older women are sluttier; Im just saying, an older woman isnt gonna make you wait til three in the morning cause shes got sh*t to do the next day. Shell probably have you done by 10. Shes got a meeting to get up for. Heck, if she has kids, you might get to leave with one of those cool Lunchables boxes -- get yourself a little snack pack for all the work you put in.#joke
At a BBQ a couple was chatting...
At a BBQ a couple was chatting with some guests when the marriage counseling topic came up. The wife very pompous commented; “Oh we’ll never need that. My husband and I have an excellent relationship.” “My husband was a communications major in college and I majored in theater arts. He communicates real well and I just act like I am listening.”#joke
Turkey Loaf
A new young blonde bride calls her mother in tears.She sobs, "Robert doesn't appreciate what I do for him!"
"Now, now," her mother comforted, "I am sure it was all just a misunderstanding."
"No, mother," the young woman laments. "I bought a frozen turkey loaf and he yelled at me about the price."
"Well, that is being miserly," the mother agreed, "Those turkey rolls are only a few dollars."
"No, mother it wasn't the price of the turkey roll, it was the airplane ticket."
"Airplane ticket.... What did you need an airplane ticket for?"
"Well mother, when I went to fix it, I looked at the directions on the back and it said, 'PREPARE FROM A FROZEN STATE,' so I flew to Alaska."
A wife was making a breakfast ...
A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband. Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen."Careful," he said. "Careful! Put in some more butter! Oh my gosh! You're cooking too many at once. Too many! Turn them! Turn them now!
We need more butter. Oh my gosh! Where are we going to get more butter? They're going to stick! Careful. Careful! I said be careful!
You never listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up!
Don't forget to salt them! You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. Use the salt! The salt!"
His wife stared at him.
"What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"
The husband calmly replied, "I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving."
#joke #food #breakfast #butter #salt #egg
A Night of Drinking
Contributed by Dave Cuva
I would like to share an experience with all of you. It has to do with drinking and driving. As you know , some of us may have had brushes with the authorities over the years.
The other night I was out for Happy Hour with a few friends. After consuming too m any brews and knowing full well that I was wasted , I did something I've never done before. Believe it or not, I took a bus home. Yes , a bus.
I arrived home safely and without incident.
This was really a surprise to me, since I have never driven a bus before.
#joke
