Popular jokes (18361 to 18375)Jokes sorted by popularity on social networks. Popularity is sum of all all comments, likes, pluses, tweets, etc. is new measure, independant from rating with our star rating system. |
Really funny jokes-Directions to City hospital
Constable: “Lady, just keep standing here and you will be there in no time.”
Really funny jokes-A few wrinkles
To get a second opinion, she asked her husband Jack, "How do you think this shade would look on a face with a few wrinkles?"
Jack took the magazine from her, crumpled the page with the ad, straightened it out and observed it again.
"Just great, darling."
Two elderly folks in a nursing
Two elderly folks in a nursing home wanted to get married. Their doctor took each one into his office separately to try and talk them out of it.He called in the woman and told her that the man had already suffered two heart attacks.
She told the doctor that she didn't care.
The doctor called in the man and told him the woman was suffering from acute angina.
"I know!" he said. "I peeked."
“If you pay the ferry
“If you pay the ferryman before you get to the other side, don't be surprised if he Styx it to you.”
Relatives of yours?
A young couple drove several miles down a country road, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument, and neither wanted to concede their position.
As they passed a barnyard of mules and pigs, the husband sarcastically asked, "Are they relatives of yours?"
"Yes," his wife replied. "I married into the family."
The "car way" of telling how f
The "car way" of telling how far the relationship is:-- Trying to impress the woman: unlocks and opens the door, waits for her to get inside, closes her door behind her
-- Dating: the guy unlocks her door and then goes around to his side to get in
-- Engaged: The man opens his door leans over and unlocks her door and opens it.
-- Married: The man gets in to the driver's seat, unlocks the doors, and says "Aren't you getting in?"
Mr. Dewey was briefing his cli
Mr. Dewey was briefing his client, who was about to testify in his own defense. "You must swear to tell the complete truth. Do you understand?"The client replied that he did.
The lawyer then asked, "Do you know what will happen if you don't tell the truth?"
The client looked back and said, "I imagine that our side will win."
Ten things Bill Gates would like to change about the automotive industry
10. New seats would require everyone to have the same body size.
9. We'd all have to switch to Microsoft Gas.
8. The U.S. government would get subsidies from an automaker--a first.
7. The oil, alternator, gas, and engine warning lights would be replaced by a single "General Car Fault" warning light.
6. Sun Motorsystems would make a car that was solar-powered, twice as reliable, five times as fast, but ran on only 5% of the roads.
5. You would be constantly pressured to upgrade your car.
4. You could have only one person in the car at a time, unless you bought Car 95 or CarNT - but then you would have to buy more seats.
3. Occasionally your car would die for no apparent reason and you would have to restart it. Strangely, you would just accept this as normal.
2. Every time the lines on the road were repainted, you'd have to buy a new car.
1. People would get excited about the new features of Microsoft cars, forgetting that the same features had been available from other carmakers for years.
Which band's ride always...
Which band's ride always broke down? Van Ailin'What Men Really Mean
I'M GOING FISHIN."A man has been undergoing medi
A man has been undergoing medical treatment, and meets with his doctor to review some tests.Doctor: I'm sorry, but I have bad news. Your condition is now incurable, and you have only 6 months to live. I recommend you get your affairs in order.
Man: That's terrible! Isn't there anything you can do? Surely there's some treatment!
Doctor: No, we've been using the best available medicines, and they aren't working.
Man: I'll try anything...what about experimental treatments?
Doctor: There aren't any for your disease, I'm afraid.
Man, desperate: Maybe alternate medicine?
Doctor, impatient: Well, I don't believe in that stuff, but if you insist...you can go to the spa up the road everyday and get a mud bath.
Man: Really? That will help?
Doctor: No, but it will get you used to dirt.
Michael Kosta: Braille Tattoo
I once convinced a blind woman that I had a Braille tattoo on my penis. Thank god shes a slow reader.“Last week, my mate a
“Last week, my mate asked me to pick his sister up from the ruler shop. I was centimeter.”
“The Genetic marker f
“The Genetic marker for people who are naturally bad at spelling can be found in those with blood Type-O.”
