Popular jokes (18436 to 18450)Jokes sorted by popularity on social networks. Popularity is sum of all all comments, likes, pluses, tweets, etc. is new measure, independant from rating with our star rating system. |
Lengthy sermons...
A pastor, known for his lengthy sermons, noticed a man get up and leave during the middle of his message. The man returned just before the conclusion of the service. Afterwards the pastor asked the man where he had gone.
"I went to get a haircut," was the reply.
"But," said the pastor, "why didn't you do that before the service?"
"Because," the gentleman said, "I didn't need one then."
“The Genetic marker f
“The Genetic marker for people who are naturally bad at spelling can be found in those with blood Type-O.”
Before ice cream, Ben and Jerr
Before ice cream, Ben and Jerry worked in software, you know, hawkin' DOS.Get it Straight
A cop pulls over a drunk driver. The drunk driver says, "Ossssifer, you need to get your records straight. You just asked me for my license, but you took it away yesterday!"A collection of insults!
I hear you are a real humanitarian. You have kept three or four detectives working regularly.I hear you are connected to the Police Department -- by a pair of handcuffs.
Hello -- tall, dark and obnoxious!
You remind me of the ocean -- you make me sick.
You should have been born in the Dark Ages; you look terrible in the light.
All of your ancestors must number in the millions; it's hard to believe thatmany people are to blame for producing you.
Ever since I saw you in your family tree, I've wanted to cut it down.
I hear that when you were a child your mother wanted to hire someone to take care of you, but the Mafia wanted too much.
They just invented a new coffin just for you that goes over the head. It's for people who are dead from the neck up.
After hearing you talk, I now know that the dead do contact us.
You are so two-faced that any woman who married you would be married to a bigamist.
I always wanted to be a trouble-shooter, but now I see you are not worth it!
I want to sell my ears. Somebo
I want to sell my ears. Somebody offered me aural for them, but I won't take any lobal offers. I'm gonna play the cartilage I was dealt. I gotta drum up some cash. The deal's gonna be done tinnitus. Ring it through: I bid my ears, ‘audios‘.Three buddies die in a car cra...
Three buddies die in a car crash, and they find themselves at the pearly gates.The first guy says: 'I would like to hear them say that I was the greatest doctor of my time, and a great family man.'
The second guy says: 'I would like to hear that I was a school teacher who made a huge difference.'
The last guy replies: 'I would like to hear them say... "LOOK .. HE'S MOVING!"'
Hmmm.........
A very old couple that have been married forever are sitting on their porch one night. Suddenly, the old woman reaches over and smacks her husband, knocking him off the porch and into the bushes.“Why are n*dists bad
“Why are n*dists bad for the stock market? They are associated with bare markets.”
Wisdom Comes After You Need It
When you get to be a certain age, there are two things you definitely don’t want to do in the same week...
Upgrade your prescription glasses and buy a full-length mirror!
Irishman Drunk and F
An Irishman had been drinking at a pub all night. The bartender finally said that the bar was closing. So the Irishman stood up to leave and fell flat on his face. He tried to stand one more time; same result. He figured he'll crawl outside and get some fresh air and maybe that will sober him up.Once outside he stood up and fell flat on his face. So he decided to crawl the 4 blocks to his home. When he arrived at the door he stood up and again fell flat on his face. He crawled through the door and into his bedroom.
A bad sign...
A man was driving to work when a truck ran a stop sign, hit his car broadside, and knocked him out cold. A Passersby pulled him from the wreckage and revived him.
He began a terrific struggle and had to be tranquilized by the medics. Later, when he had calmed down, they asked him why he had struggled so.
He said, a bit sheepishly, "I remember the impact, then nothing. I woke up on a concrete slab in front of this huge, flashing sign. Turns out somebody was standing in front of the 'S' on the 'Shell' sign."
