Popular jokes (18976 to 18990)Jokes sorted by popularity on social networks. Popularity is sum of all all comments, likes, pluses, tweets, etc. is new measure, independant from rating with our star rating system. |
Knock Knock Collection 030
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Button!
Button who?
Button in is not polite!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Cabot!
Cabot who?
Cabotret!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Cam!
Cam who?
Camalot is where King Arthur lived!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Candice!
Candice who?
Candice get any better!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Candy!
Candy who?
Candy cow jump over the moon!
A young woman gazed up from he
A young woman gazed up from her hospital bed at the very handsome doctor who was examining her chart. She fluttered her eyelids and said, "They tell me that you are a real lady killer."The doctor smiled and shook his head. "No, I make no distinction between the sexes."
Bad gums
There was a father and his young son who lived in a secluded village somewhere in central Australia.The boy's mother had left the father under difficult circumstances, and he had had bad experiences with women ever since.
So he took his boy aside one day and told him, "Listen son, don't go messing around with women, because, you know, down there, they've got teeth down there."
The boy listened intently to his father's advice.
Years passed, the boy has grown up and his father has died, leaving him alone.
So, one day, the boy ventures to the closest large town, where he goes to a club in search of companionship.
He strikes up a conversation with a beautiful young girl.
Things are going well, and they end up back at her place.
They are about to get into bed when the boy remembers his father's advice and shies away.
"What's wrong?" she asks.
"Well, my father told me that women have teeth down there." replied the young man.
"Of course we haven't got teeth down there!! Have a look if you like."
So he takes her up on the offer. He takes off her panties, and he's poking around, examining the lady's most private parts.
"Hmmmm. I don't see any teeth down here, but you should see the state of your gums."
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Glaci
The junior executive had been
The junior executive had been complaining to his wife of aches and pains. Neither one could account for his trouble.Arriving home from work one night, he informed her. "I finally discovered why I've been feeling so miserable. We got some ultra-modern office furniture two weeks ago, and I just learned today that I've been sitting in the wastebasket."
Economist Valentines
Top economist Valentine's Day cards
4. You raise my interest rate thirty basis points without a corresponding dropoff in consumer enthusiasm.
3. Let's raise housing starts together.
2. You stoke the animal spirits of my market.
1. Despite your decade of inflation, I still love you.
Top Ten Conservative Catholic Pickup Lines
10. May I offer you a light for that votive candle?
9. Hi there. My buddy and I were wondering if you would settle a dispute we're having. Do you think the word should be pronounced HOMEschooling, or homeSCHOOLing?
8. Sorry, but I couldn't help notice how cute you look in that ankle-length, shapeless, plaid jumper.
7. What's a nice girl like you doing at a First Saturday Rosary Cenacle like this?
6. You don't like the culture of death either? Wow! We have so much in common!
5. Let's get out of here. I know a much cozier little Catholic bookstore downtown.
4. I bet I can guess your confirmation name.
3. You've got stunning scapular-brown eyes.
2. Did you feel what I felt when we reached into the holy water font at the same time?
1. Confess here often?
Who Is God?
A little kid asks his father, "Daddy, is God a man or a woman?""Both son. God is both."
After awhile the kid comes again and asks, "Daddy, is God black or white?"
"Both son, both."
"Daddy, does God love children?"
"Yes son, he loves all children."
The child returns a few minutes later and says, "Daddy, is Michael Jackson God?"
A group of chess enthusiasts c...
A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories.After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse.
"But why?" they asked, as they moved off.
"Because," he said, "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
Pizza
A college pizza delivery boy arrived at the house of Mr.Smith. He delivered the pizza to his trailer. After giving it to him, Mr. Smith asked: "What is the usual tip?"
"Well," replied the youth, "this is my first trip here, but the other guys say if I get a quarter out of you, I'll be doing great."
"Is that so?" snorted Mr. Smith. "Well, just to show them how wrong they are, here's five dollars."
"Thanks," replied the youth, "I'll put this in my school fund."
"What are you studying in school?" asked Larry.
The lad smiled and said: "Applied psychology."
The Salary Theory
Dilbert's "Salary Theorem" states that "Engineers and scientists can never earn as much as business executives and sales people."This theorem can now be supported by a mathematical equation based on the following two postulates:
As every engineer knows: Power = Work / Time
Since:
Knowledge = Power
Time = Money
Knowledge = Work/Money.
Solving for Money, we get:
Money = Work / Knowledge.
Thus, as Knowledge approaches zero, Money approaches infinity, regardless of the amount of work done.
Conclusion:
The less you know, the more you make.
Lengthy sermons...
A pastor, known for his lengthy sermons, noticed a man get up and leave during the middle of his message. The man returned just before the conclusion of the service. Afterwards the pastor asked the man where he had gone.
"I went to get a haircut," was the reply.
"But," said the pastor, "why didn't you do that before the service?"
"Because," the gentleman said, "I didn't need one then."
