Popular jokes (19126 to 19140)

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“I had a friend that

“I had a friend that collected police cars, ambulances and fire trucks. It was an estate of emergency when he died.”

 Idaho Crazy Law

Riding a merry-go-round on Sundays is considered a crime.

Illegal for a man to give his sweetheart a box of candy weighing less than fifty pounds.

You may not fish on a camel's back.

Boise

Residents may not fish from a giraffe's back.

Pocatello

A person may not be seen in public without a smile on their face.

A law passed in 1912 provided that "The carrying of concealed weapons is forbidden, unless some are exhibited to public view."

#joke #animal #giraffe #fish #camel

“I wanted to bid at t

“I wanted to bid at the silent auction, but it was not aloud.”

Grammarical Rules

Did you hear about the semi-colon that broke the law?
He was given two consecutive sentences!

Funny jokes-Mafia don

New Lawyer

Joe grew up in a small town, then moved away to attend college and law school. He decided to come back to the small town because he could be a big man in this small town. He really wanted to impress everyone. He opened his new law office, but business was very slow at first. One day, he saw a man coming up the sidewalk. He decided to make a big impression on this new client when he arrived.

As the man came to the door, Joe picked up the phone. He motioned the man in, all the while talking..

"No. Absolutely not. You tell those clowns in New York that I won't settle this case for less than one million.."

"Yes. The Appeals Court has agreed to hear that case next week. I'll be handling the primary argument and the other members of my team will provide support.."

"Okay. Tell the DA that I'll meet with him next week to discuss the details.."

This sort of thing went on for almost 5 minutes. All the while the man sat patiently as Joe rattled instructions. Finally, Joe put down the phone and turned to the man. "I'm sorry for the delay, but as you can see, I'm very busy.

What can I do for you?"

The man replied "I'm from the phone company..I came to hook up your phone."

Gas & Religion

In California Unleaded gas went to $4.00 a gallon last Thursday.
Sister Mary Ann, who worked for a home health agency, was out making her rounds visiting homebound patients when she ran out of gas. Fortunately, an Exxon station was just a block away. She walked to the station to borrow a gas can and buy some gas.
The attendant told her that the only gas can he owned had been loaned out, but she could wait until it was returned. Since Sister Mary Ann was on the way to see a patient, she decided not to wait, and walked back to her car.
She looked for something in her car that she could fill with gas, and spotted the bedpan she was taking to the patient. Always resourceful, Sister Mary Ann carried the bedpan to the station, filled it with gasoline, and carried the full bedpan back to her car.
As she was pouring the gas into her tank, two Baptist ladies watched from across the street. One of them turned to the other and said, 'If it starts, I'm turning Catholic.'

Q: What is th...

Q: What is the difference between a tribe of pygmies and a women's track team?

A: The pygmies are a bunch of cunning runts.

Do BMWs run on assholi...

Do BMWs run on assholine?

Baby puns

“Baby puns are childish, but great puns are full groan.”

Hypnotist

A woman comes home and tells her husband, "Remember those headaches I've been having all these years? Well, they're gone."
"No more headaches?" the husband asks,
''What happened?"
His wife replies, Margie referred me to a hypnotist.
He told me to stand in front of a mirror, stare at myself and repeat
"I do not Have a Headache;
I do not have a headache,
I do not have a headache.."
It Worked! The headaches are all gone."
The husband replies, "Well, that is wonderful."
His wife then says, "You know, you haven't been exactly a ball of Fire in the bedroom these last few years. Why don't you go see the Hypnotist and see if he can do anything for that?"
The husband agrees to try it
Following his appointment, the husband comes home, rips off his clothes, picks up his wife and carries her into the bedroom.
He puts her on the bed and says,
"Don't move, I'll be right back."
He goes into the Bathroom and comes back a few minutes later and jumps into bed and makes Passionate love to his wife like never before.
His wife says, "Wow that was wonderful!"
The husband says, "Don't move! I will be right back."
He goes back into the bathroom, comes back and round two was even better than the first time.
The wife sits up and her head is spinning.
Her husband again says, "Don't move, I'll be right back." With that, he goes back in the bathroom. This time, his wife quietly follows him and there, in the Bathroom, She sees him standing at the mirror and saying,
"She's not my Wife.
She's Not my wife.
She's not my wife..."
His funeral service will be held on Friday

A Frenchman who was leaving hi...

A Frenchman who was leaving his Parisian home for a few weeks confided in his friend, Pierre, "I always hate leaving my wife for so long like this. When I'm away, I just don't know what she is doing. There's always the doubt, always the doubt.

Pierre said, "Charles, I'll tell you what. Because we're such close friends, I'll keep an eye on her every evening that you're gone."

"You would do that for me, Pierre?" Charles said, relieved. "Oh thank you so very much. I know I really should trust my wife. But it's just that there's always the doubt, always the doubt."

So Charles went off on his business trip and returned to Paris three weeks later. The two men met again.

"Charles, I'm afraid I have bad news for you," Pierre said.

"Well?"

"The very first night you were gone, I watched this man go to your house. Your wife opened the door naked and kissed and hugged him. He fondled her breasts. He rubbed her crotch. Then they closed the door to go upstairs. Never daunted, I climbed up the tree outside your house and watched them in the bedroom.

"And so...?" inquired Charles.

"Well, first they took off all their clothes. Incidentally, my dear friend, your wife has a lovely body."

"She does indeed," said Charles thoughtfully. "What happened then?"

"Then?" Pierre shook his head sorrowfully. "Then is when they turned out the light. I could see nothing. I could learn nothing more."

Charles sighed a deep sigh. "So you see how it is, my friend? Always the doubt, always the doubt."

Fertilizer...

A farmer was driving along the road with a load of fertilizer. A little boy, playing in front of his house, saw him and called, "What've you got in your truck?"

"Fertilizer," the farmer replied.

"What are you going to do with it?" asked the little boy.

"Put it on strawberries," answered the farmer.

"You ought to live here," the little boy advised him. "We put sugar and cream on ours."

 I Get No Respect 03

"It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips..yet she won't drink from my glass!"
"Last week my tie caught on fire. Some guy tried to put it out with an ax!"
"I met the surgeon general. He offered me a cigarette!"
"A travel agent offered me a 21 day special. He told me I would fly from New York to London. Then from Tokyo back to New York. I asked him...how am I supposed to get from London to Tokyo? He told me . . . that is why we give you 21 days.
"Another travel agent told me I could spend 7 nights in Hawaii...No days..just nights."
"My problem is that I appeal to everyone that can do me absolutely no good."
"My wife isn't very bright. The other day she was at the store and just as she was heading for our car, someone stole it! I said...did you see the guy that did it? She said ... No, but I got the license plate."
"A girl phoned me and said...Come on over there's nobody home. I went over... Nobody was home!"
"I went to a massage parlor. It was self service."