Popular jokes (20086 to 20100)

Peter was telling a friend tha...

Peter was telling a friend that he had just lost his job.

“Why did the foreman fire you?” the friend asked in surprise.
“Oh,” Peter said, “you know how foreman are. They stand around with their hands in their pockets watching everybody else work.”

“We all know that,” replied his friend. “But why did he let you go?”

“Jealousy,” answered Pete. “All the other workers thought I was the foreman.”

An Incredible Inventor

He was an inventor of note. He created a big shoe with a phone in the heel. Now, he thought, he could use a phone whenever he wanted. He made several more so that he could have several shoes with phones in the house. One day, an emergency came up and he needed a phone bad. Would you believe it, he couldn't find a single phone boot.

What did Mrs. Claus say to San...

What did Mrs. Claus say to Santa as they were looking out their front window?
"Looks like rein dear"

Tony White, Loanhead

A young couple met with their

A young couple met with their pastor to set a date for their wedding. When he asked whether they preferred a contemporary or a traditional service,they opted for the contemporary.
On the big day, a major storm forced the groom to take an alternate route to the church. The streets were flooded, so he rolled up his pants legs to keep his trousers dry.
When he finally reached the church, his best man rushed him into the sanctuary and up to the altar, just as the ceremony was starting.
"Pull down your pants," whispered the pastor.
"Uh, Reverend, I've changed my mind," the groom responded. "I think I would prefer the traditional service."

Best Deal Ever!

Used car salesperson to customer: How would you like to buy a car with zero down and zero per month?
Customer: (slight pause) For how many months?

“I am always sad when

“I am always sad when I go to the dentist, so I put on music and listen through my blue tooth headphones.”

Pride

A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement. He is so proud of himself, that he starts calling his wife,"Mother of Six" in spite of her objections.

Fergie lush is?

#joke #short

“What did the man say

“What did the man say when the bridge fell on him. The suspension is killing me.”

Relationships

"Relationships are hard. It's like a full-time job, and we should treat it like one. If your boyfriend or girlfriend wants to leave you, they should give you two weeks' notice. There should be severance pay, and before they leave you, they should have to find you a temp."

 Answering Machine Message 186

Hello, this is David. I don't live here, so if you were trying to call me, you've dialed the wrong number. On the other hand, if you were trying to call John, Jim, or Eric, please leave your name and number at the tone. I don't guarantee that one of them will call you back -- only that I won't.

Wife: Where do you want to go ...

Wife: Where do you want to go on holiday this year?

Husband: Somewhere I've never been before.

Wife: How about the Kitchen?

 Question Answer 01

Where do religious school children practice sports?
In the prayground!
How did the basketball court get wet?
The players dribbled all over it!
Why did the chicken get sent off?
For persistent fowl play!
Why were the two managers sitting around sketching crockery before the start of the game?
It was a cup draw!
Where do football directors go when they are fed up?
The bored room!
A manager was being interviewed after he had resigned from a football club?
"Were the crowd not behind you" asked the reporter
"They were right behind me all right", said the manager, "But I managed to shake them off at the station!"
Why was the struggling mange seen shaking the club cat?
To see if there was any more money in the kitty!

Tourist in DC

A tourist climbed out of his hire-car in downtown Washington, D.C.
He was intent on visiting the White House and take in the city’s other world-famous sights, but he felt hungry so he decided to pop into a store to buy himself a snack.
As he pulled up to the curb outside the store, he saw a well-to-do man standing on the sidewalk.
He said to him: “Listen, I’m going to be only a couple of minutes.
Would you watch my car while I run into this store?”
“What?” the man huffed. “Do you realize that I am a member of the United States Senate?”
“Well no,” the tourist said, “I didn’t realize that.
But it’s all right. I’ll trust you anyway.”

A Little Quarrel

A man and his wife started out in the car after a quarrel. She sat in the back seat and continued to berate him for his faults. In her excitement she pounded on the car door and it flew open. Several blocks later one of their neighbors flagged the man down.

"Your wife fell out of the car back there," he said.

The man looked over at the back seat. "Thank goodness!" he said, "I thought I had lost my hearing!"