Popular jokes (21511 to 21525)Jokes sorted by popularity on social networks. Popularity is sum of all all comments, likes, pluses, tweets, etc. is new measure, independant from rating with our star rating system. |
Before a burglary trial, the j
Before a burglary trial, the judge explained to the defendant, "You can let me try your case, or you can choose to have a jury of your peers."The man thought for a moment. "What are peers?" he asked.
"They're people just like you, your equals."
"Forget it," retorted the defendant. "I don't want to be tried by a bunch of thieves."
Onestone
There once was an Indian whose given name was "Onestone," so named because he had only one testicle.He hated that name and asked everyone to not to call him Onestone. After years and years of torment, Onestone finally cracked and said, "If anyone calls me Onestone again I will kill them!"
The word got around and nobody called him that any more. Then one day, a young girl named Blue Bird forgot and said, "Good morning, Onestone."
He jumped up, grabbed her, and took her deep into the forest where he made love to her all day and all night. He made love to her all the next day, until Blue Bird died from exhaustion.
The word got around that Onestone meant serious business. Years went by and no one dared call him by his given name until a woman named Yellow Bird returned to the village after being away for many years.
Yellow Bird, who was Blue Bird's cousin, was overjoyed when she saw Onestone. She hugged him and said, "Good to see you, Onestone."
Onestone grabbed her, took her deep into the forest, then he screwed her all day, screwed her all night, screwed her all the next day, screwed her all the next night, but Yellow Bird wouldn't die!!!
What is the moral of this story???
You can't kill two birds with one stone!
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Calamjo
“My friend's bakery b...
“My friend's bakery burned down last night. Now his business is toast.”
A three-legged dog walks into ...
A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He sidles up to the bar and announces: "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."Yo Mama... Christmas Corner
Yo mama is so stupid, I told her Christmas was right around the corner - so she went looking for it.A World War II pilot is remini
A World War II pilot is reminiscing before school children about his flying days during the war."In 1942," he says, "the situation was really tough. The Germans had a very strong air force. I remember," he continues, "one day I was protecting the bombers and suddenly, out of the clouds, these fokkers appeared.
At this point, several of the children giggle.
I looked up, and right above me was one of them. I aimed at him and shot him down. They were swarming. I immediately realized that there was another fokker behind me."
At this instant the girls in the auditorium start to giggle and boys start to laugh. The teacher stands up and says, "I think I should point out that 'Fokker' was the name of the German-Dutch aircraft company."
"That's true," says the pilot, "but these fokkers were flying Messerschmidts."
Why Do You Wear Your Collar That Way?
An old Jewish man was once on the subway and he sat downnext to a younger man. He noticed that the young man had a
strange kind of shirt collar. Having never seen a priest
before, he asked the man, "Excuse me sir, but why do you have
your shirt collar on
backwards?"
The priest became a bit flustered but politely answered "I
wear this collar because I am a Father."
The Jewish man thought a second and responded "Sir I am also
a Father but I wear my collar front-ways. Why do you wear
your collar so differently?"
The priest thought for a minute and said "Sir, I am the
father for many."
The Jewish man quickly answered "I too am the father of
many. I have four sons, four daughters and too many
grandchildren to count. But I wear my collar like everyone
else does. Why do you wear it your way?"
The priest who was beginning to get exasperated thought and
then blurted out "Sir, I am the father for hundreds and
hundreds of people."
The Jewish man was taken aback and was silent for a long
time. As he got up to leave the subway train, he leaned over
to the priest and said "Mister, maybe you should wear your
pants backwards."
A man walks into a bar a...
A man walks into a bar and asks: "Can I have a pint of Less, please?"
If Prince William vi...
“If Prince William visits the Alps, is he on a scion vacation?”
Unpaid Parking Tickets
The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny.
Chicago Tribune
William P. Holcomb, whose job is to supervise the tracking down of Houston, Texas parking ticket violators. It was revealed that he had 375 unpaid tickets.
This Pill Allows You To Fly
A man went into a bar in a high rise. He saw another man take a pill, take a drink, walk to the window and jump out. He flew around for a minute and zipped back into the bar.
As the amazed newcomer watched, the man repeated this twice more. Finally the man asked if he could have a pill. The flier said it was his last one. The man offered five hundred dollars to no avail, so he made a final offer of a thousand dollars. The man said that it was all he had on him.
The flier reluctantly gave in, took the cash, surrendered the pill, and turned back to the bar. The man took the pill, took a drink, went to the window, and jumped out only to fall to his death. The bartender walked over to the flier at the bar and, wiping a glass, said, "You sure are mean when you're drunk, Superman."
Scary Collection 60
A witch joke
What do you get if you cross a witches cat with Father Christmas?
Santa Claws!
A witch joke
What do you call it when a witches cat falls off a broomstick?
A catastrophe!
A witch joke
Why are black cats such good singers?
They're very mewsical!
A wizard joke
Who did the wizard marry?
His ghoul-friend!
A wizard joke
Why did the wizard where red, white and blue braces?
To keep his trousers up!
A witch joke
Why is a witches face like a million dollars?
It's all green and wrinkly!
A witch joke
How do you make a witch itch?
Take away the "w"!
