Popular jokes (23836 to 23850)Jokes sorted by popularity on social networks. Popularity is sum of all all comments, likes, pluses, tweets, etc. is new measure, independant from rating with our star rating system. |
Funny jokes-In the middle of the night
Tina asked sleepily: “What was that?”
Martin: “How do I know? Some idiot wanted to know if the coast was clear.”
Proctologists and Bartenders
Q: What's the difference between a proctologist and a bartender?
A: The proctologist only handles one a**hole at a time.
One sunny day a rabbit came ou...
One sunny day a rabbit came out of her hole in the ground to enjoy the fine weather. The day was so nice that she became careless and a fox snuck up behind her and caught her."I am going to eat you for lunch!", said the fox.
"Wait!", replied the rabbit, "You should at least wait a few days."
"Oh yeah? Why should I wait?"
"Well, I am just finishing my thesis on 'The Superiority of rabbits over Foxes and Wolves.'"
"Are you crazy? I should eat you right now! Everybody knows that a fox will always win over a rabbit."
"Not really, not according to my research. If you like, you can come into my hole and read it for yourself. If you are not convinced, you can go ahead and have me for
"You really are crazy!" But since the fox was curious and had nothing to lose, it went with the rabbit. The fox never came out.
A few days later the rabbit was again taking a break from writing and sure enough, a wolf came out of the bushes and was r
"Wait!" yelled the rabbit, "you can't eat me right now."
"And why might that be, my furry appetizer?"
"I am almost finished writing my thesis on 'The Superiority of Rabbits over Foxes and Wolves.'"
The wolf laughed so hard that it almost lost its grip on the rabbit.
"Maybe I shouldn't eat you; you really are sick ... in the head. You might have something contagious."
"Come and read it for yourself; you can eat me afterward if you disagree with my conclusions."
So the wolf went down into the rabbit's hole ... and never came out. The rabbit finished her thesis and was out celebrating in the local lettuce patch. Another rabbit came along and asked, "What's up? You seem very happy."
"Yup, I just finished my thesi
"Congratulations. What's it about?"
"'The Superiority of Rabbits over Foxes and Wolves.'"
"Are you sure? That doesn't sound right."
"Oh yes. Come and read it for yourself."
So together they went down into the rabbit's hole. As they entered, the friend saw the typical graduate abode, albeit a rather messy one after writing a thesis. The computer with the controversial work was in one corner. And to the right there was a pile of fox bones, on the left a pile of wolf bones. And in the middle was a large, well-fed lion.
The moral of the story:
The title of your thesis doesn't matter. The subject doesn't matter.
The research doesn't matter.
All that matters is who your advisor is.
One day a blonde woman named S...
One day a blonde woman named Sally finally got tired of everyone assuming she was stupid because of her hair color. She decided to go to the hairdressers and have her hair dyed brown.Feeling quite proud of her new look she decided to go for a drive in the country. After a while she came upon a shepherd. Trying to test out her new look she walked over to him and asked, "If I can guess how many sheep you have may I take one for a reward?"
The shepherd thought that she would never guess the exact number of sheep, so he took her bet and let her try. Amazingly she guessed 98, the exact number of sheep he owned.
Feeling rather good about herself, she picked up her reward and started walking back to her car. Before she got there the shepherd tapped her on the shoulder.
"If I can guess your natural hair color, can I have my dog back?"
Efficiency expert
The efficiency expert concluded his lecture with a note of caution. You don't want to try these techniques at home.
“Why not?” asked somebody from the audience.
“I watched my wife's routine at breakfast for years,” the expert explained. “She made lots of trips between the refrigerator, stove, table and cabinets, often carrying a single item at a time. One day I told her, Hon, why don't you try carrying several things at once?”
“Did it save time?” the guy in the audience asked.
“Actually, yes”, replied the expert. “It used to take her 20 minutes to make breakfast. Now I do it in seven.”
A man was traveling by bus
Minding his own business, wen a gorgeouswoman, sitting next to him started to breast feed her baby.
The baby wouldn't take it, so she said,
"Come on, eat it all up or I'll give it 2 this nice man here"
5 mins later, the baby was still not feeding, so she said,
"Cum on, honey. Take it or I'll give it 2 this nice man here"
A few min later the anxious man blurted out,
"Come on, kid. Make up your mind! I was supposed to get off four stops ago!
“He was buried yester
“He was buried yesterday, and was deeply moved by the experience.”
Cajun Confession
Boudreaux was feeling guilty, so he went to confession.
"Father, I kinda took a little lumber from that new construction site."
Priest: "What did you do with the lumber, my son?"
Boudreaux: "Well, Father, my porch, she's had a hole for a long time. I'm 'fraid someone will break their leg, so I fix the hole."
Priest: "Well, that's not so bad."
Boudreaux: "Well, Father, I had a little lumber left."
Priest: "What did you do with it?"
Boudreaux: "Well, my poor dog, Phideaux, he ain't never had no place to get outta the weather, so I make him his own little doghouse."
Priest: "OK, anything else?"
Boudreaux: "Well, Father, I had a little lumber left. So you know, my truck, she ain't never had no place to get outta de weather either, so I make her a two car garage."
Priest: "Now, this is getting a little out of hand."
Boudreaux: "Well, Father, I still had a little lumber left."
Priest: "Yes?"
Boudreaux: "Well, my wife, she always want a bigger house. So I add two bedrooms and a new bathroom."
Priest: "OK! That's definitely too much. For your penance, you are going to have to make a Novena. You do know how to make a Novena, don't you?"
Boudreaux: "No, Father... But, if you got the plans, I got the lumber."
Great Gift
Two old guys were chatting.....“Did you hear about t
“Did you hear about the computer technician who received third degree burns? He touched the firewall.”
Loss for Words
I ordered a Thesaurus online and it just arrived.
The pages are all BLANK!!!
I have no words to express my outrage.
One day an employee came in to...
One day an employee came in to work with both of his ears bandaged.When his boss asked him what happened, he explained:
"Yesterday I was ironing a shirt when the phone rang
and I accidentally answered the iron instead of the phone!"
"Well," the boss said, "that explains one ear, but what
about the other?" "They called back!"
