Popular jokes (24241 to 24255)

Short funny jokes-Hit by lightning

Duct Tape

Q: What do The Force and duct tape have in common?

A: They both have a light side and a dark side, and they both hold the universe together.

“The gymnast's feat

“The gymnast's feat of jumping on asymmetrical bars remains unparalleled!”

NED: What's a river rode

NED: What's a river rodent's favourite TV show?
ED: Leave it to Beaver?
NED: No, Welcome Back Otter!

A woman rushes into a hardware...

A woman rushes into a hardware store and said, “Can I have a muse trap, please? And will you be quick – I’ve a bus to catch.”
“Sorry, ma’am,” said the assistant, “we don’t sell ‘em that big!”

A group of bats, hanging at th

A group of bats, hanging at the ceiling of a cave, discovers a single bat standing upright underneath on the floor of the cave.
Surprised by this unusual behavior, they ask this fellow: "What the heck are you doing down there?"
And the fellow shouts back: "Yoga!"

“While walking throug

“While walking through the jungle with a black marker, I spotted a leopard.”

Three guys go in for a job int...

Three guys go in for a job interview, all at the same office. The first one goes in for his interview and the interviewer says, "What's the first thing you see when you look at me?"

The guy says, "That's not too hard, you've got no ears."

The interviewer says, "That's it, get out, you'll never be seen around here again."

The second man takes his turn and is asked the same question. The applicant replies, "Uh, you've got no ears." The interviewer throws the guy out, cursing and yelling that he'll never get a job with his company. As he is leaving, the second guy warns the third guy, "Listen man, whatever you do, don't say he hasn't got any ears. He's so touchy with the ear thing."

"Okay," said man #3 on his way into the office.

Once inside he is told, "Name the first thing you notice when you look at me."

The guy answers, "That's easy, you wear contacts."

The interviewer was flabbergasted, "How on earth did you know that, son?"

"What? Are you stupid? You can't wear glasses, you've got no ears!"

From a passenger ship one can ...

From a passenger ship one can see a bearded man on a small island who is shouting and desperately waving is hands.
"Who is it?" a passenger asks the captain.
"I've no idea. Every year when we pass, he goes mad."

 Silly Collection 06

What is Cheddar Gorge?
A large cheese sandwich!

What happens when you throw a green stone in the red sea?
It gets wet!

Why did the woman take a loaf of bread to bed with her?
To feed her nightmare!

What city cheats at exams?
Peking!

What makes the leaning Tower of Pisa lean?
It doesn't eat much!

Why is Alabama the smartest state in the USA?
Because it has 4 A's and one B!

Who invented fire?
Some bright spark!

“Ratify is how a witc

“Ratify is how a witch turns a person into a rodent.”

Clinic

Why does everyone want to work at the impotency clinic?

It's a soft job.

Submitted by Curtis

Edited by BreeBrown

Cost Of Divorce

A little boy asked his father;
"Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"
And the father replied;
"I don't know son, I'm still paying."

Answering Machine Message 63

Thank you for calling the Satanic Hotline. All of our operators are busy at the moment. If you would like, leave a brief message after the tone, and someone will get back to you... When hell freezes over.

 Your Father Is Drunk

To The Tune Of Santa Claus Is Coming To Town

Oh you better not shout, you better not cry,
You better not pout, I'm tellin' you why,
Daddy's home and I think he's drunk.
He's walkin' real slow, he slurs when he speaks,
I don't even think he's shaved in two weeks,
Daddy's home and boy is he drunk,
He spent most of our money on Johnny Walker Black
And then he took all of the rest and lost it at the track.
Sooooooo....
You better not pout, you better not cry,
I don't like that look in his eye,
Daddy's home and I think he's....
Daddy's home and boy is he.......
Daddy's home and he's really drunk!