Popular jokes (24661 to 24675)Jokes sorted by popularity on social networks. Popularity is sum of all all comments, likes, pluses, tweets, etc. is new measure, independant from rating with our star rating system. |
Did you hear about the compute...
Did you hear about the computer novice who had to copy a floppy disk? He took it to the photocopying machine.#joke #short
The train was about to pull ou...
The train was about to pull out of the station. A young man ran towards it and managed to throw his bag in and climb aboard just in time.A fellow passenger looked at him and said, "Young man, you should be in better shape! At your age, I could catch the train by a gnat's whisker and still be fresh. Look at you, panting away."
The young man took a deep breath and replied, "I missed this train at the last station."
#joke
A customer sent an order to a ...
A customer sent an order to a distributor for a large amount of goods totaling a great deal of money. The distributor noticed that the previous bill hadn’t been paid, so he asked his collections manager to leave a voice-mail for them saying, “We can’t ship your new order until you pay for the last one.” The next day the collections manager received a collect phone call, “Please cancel the order. We can’t wait that long.”#joke
A woman confided to her girlfr...
A woman confided to her girlfriend, "My ex-husband wants to marry me again."The friend said, "How flattering."
The woman replied, "Not really. I think he's after the money I married him for."
#joke #short
Wife: Theres trouble with th...
Wife: Theres trouble with the car. It has water in the carburetor.Husband: Water in the carburetor? Thats ridiculous.
Wife: I tell you the car has water in the carburetor.
Husband: You dont even know what a carburetor is. Wheres the car?
Wife: In the swimming pool.
#joke #sport #swimming
Really funny jokes-Catchy tune
Mike and his wife Dara were walking across Southsea Common one Sunday afternoon. In the bandstand the combo was playing a catchy sounding tune, and Dara said, "I wonder what the name of that tune is."
Mike noticed that there was a sign posted near the bandstand and said, "It looks like they post the titles of the tunes they play. I'll go down and see."
A while later Mike returned and said to Dara, "It's one I don't know, it's called 'The Refrain from Spitting'."
Mike noticed that there was a sign posted near the bandstand and said, "It looks like they post the titles of the tunes they play. I'll go down and see."
A while later Mike returned and said to Dara, "It's one I don't know, it's called 'The Refrain from Spitting'."
#joke
Women should have labels on th...
Women should have labels on their foreheads saying"Danger: Government Health Warning: Women can be dangerous to your brains, bank account, confidence, razor blades and good standing among your friends."
#joke #short
Never Trust a Street Gang in Heaven
One day St. Peter saw a street gang walking up to the Pearly Gates.
St. Peter ran to God and said, "God, there are some low-life street gang members at the Gates. What do I do?"
God relied, "Just do what you normally do with that type. Redirect them."
St. Peter went back to carry out the order, but he suddenly came running back and yelling, "God, God, they’re gone! They’re gone!"
"The street gang?"
"No, the Pearly Gates!"
- Joke shared by Beliefnet member Jalus
#joke
Not Enough Allowance
An Englishman, Irishman and Scotsman went for a round of golf and theirwives went along as their caddies.
While walking around the course the English man's wife caught her foot in a rabbit hole, tripped up, and landed in a heap on the ground. Her skirt was over her head revealing that she wasn't wearing any knickers! The Englishman stormed over and angrily demanded a reason for her state of undress.
"Well darling," she explained, "you give me so little allowance that I have to make the odd sacrifice. Usually no one notices."
The Englishman thrusts his hand into his pocket and said, "Here's ten pounds. Go to Mark's and Spencer's and get some knickers."
Two holes further along the Irish Man's wife caught her foot on a molehill, tripped up and landed in a heap on the ground. Again her skirt was up over her head revealing that she wasn't wearing any knickers either! The Irish man was livid and he angrily demanded a reason for her lack of undergarments.
"Well darling," she explained, "you give me so little allowance I cannot afford to buy undergarments."
With that the Irish man thrust his hand into his pocket and said, "Here's three pounds. Go to Woolworth's and get some knickers."
Three holes further on, the Scottish man's wife caught her foot on an exposed root, tripped up and landed with her skirt over her head revealing that even she wore no knickers! Her explanation to her irate husband was the same as the others. Simply a lack of allowance.
The Scottish man thrust his hand into his pocket and said, "Here's a comb. The least you can do is tidy yourself up a bit."
A garage mechanic comes out to...
A garage mechanic comes out to rescue a broken down car. Out of respect for other drivers the mechanic leaves his hazards on while parked on the side of the road. The exhaust from the broken down car has fallen off and needs tying up before the car can be driven onto the mechanic's trailer. The mechanic tells the car owner "As it is only 3:00pm I should be able to have the car ready for you by 5pm". At 5:10pm the mechanic rings the car owner. "Sorry I didn't ring you by 5:00pm, but I only got back to the garage 5 minutes ago. "Why, what happened?" asked the car owner. "My vehicle battery went flat, and I had to ring the garage to ask for another mechanic to come out and rescue me," replied the mechanic.#joke
The gho
The ghost of John Paul II is in a Vatican horror movie. They're calling it Pope-a-Haunt-us.#joke #short
Top 10 Signs that You've ...
Top 10 Signs that You've been Programming too long...1) When you are counting objects, you go "0,1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,A,B,C,D...".
2) When asked about a bus schedule, you wonder if it is 16 or 32 bits.
3) When your wife says "If you don't turn off that darn machine and come to bed, then I am going to divorce you!", and you chastise her for for omitting the else clause.
4) When you are reading a book and look for the space bar to get to the next page.
5) When you look for your car keys using: "grep keys /dev/pockets"
6) When after fooling around all day with routers etc, you pick up the phone and start dialing an IP number.
7) When you get in the elevator and double-press the button for the floor you want.
8) When not only do you check your email more often than your paper mail, but you remember your network address faster than your postal one.
9) When you go to balance your checkbook and discover that you're doing the math in octal.
A) When you dream in 256 palettes of 256 colors.
#joke #divorce
Pretending to be a Lawyer
There was a loser who couldn't get a date. He went to a barand asked this one guy how to get a date.
The guy said, "It's simple. I just say, I'm a lawyer."
So, the guy went up to a pretty woman and asked her out.
After she said no,
he told her that it was probably a good thing because he had
a case early in the morning. She said, "Oh! You're a
lawyer?"
He said, "Why yes I am!"
She liked the idea and they went to his place. When they
were in bed making love, he started to laugh to himself.
When she asked what was so funny, he answered, "Well, I've
only been a lawyer for 15 minutes, and I'm already screwing
someone!"
#joke #lawyer
