Popular jokes (25546 to 25560)Jokes sorted by popularity on social networks. Popularity is sum of all all comments, likes, pluses, tweets, etc. is new measure, independant from rating with our star rating system. |
Dad: Junior, how did you get y...
Dad: Junior, how did you get your clothes ripped? Son: I was trying to stop a boy from getting beat up. Dad: Oh? What boy? Son: Me!Six guys were playing poker wh...
Six guys were playing poker when Smith loses $500 on a single hand, clutches his chest and drops dead at the table. Showing respect for their fallen comrade, the other five complete their playing time standing up. Roberts looks around and asks, "Now, who is going to tell the wife?" They draw straws. Rippington, who is always a loser, picks the short one. They tell him to be discreet, be gentle, don't make a bad situation any worse than it is. "Gentlemen! Discreet? I'm the most discreet man you will ever meet. Discretion is my middle name, leave it to me." Rippington walks over to the Smith house, knocks on the door, the wife answers, and asks what he wants. Rippington says, "Your husband just lost $500 playing cards." She hollers, "TELL HIM TO DROP DEAD!" Rippington says, "I'll tell him.Baseball bat...
After spending 3-1/2 hours enduring the long lines, surly clerks and insane regulations at the department of motor vehicles, a lady stopped at a toy store to pick up a gift for her son. She brought her selection - a baseball bat to the cash register.
"Cash or charge," the clerk asked.
"Cash," she snapped. Then apologizing for her rudeness, she explained, "I've spent the afternoon at the motor-vehicle bureau. I am not too sane right now!!"
"Shall I gift wrap the bat?" the clerk asked sweetly, "Or or you going back?"
When Chuck Norris goes to dona...
When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.A teacher asked students to br...
A teacher asked students to bring old staff, 1 kid came with his grandpaA southern farmer got in his p
A southern farmer got in his pickup and drove several miles to a neighboring farmand knocked on the farmhouse door. A young boy, about 12, opened the door. "Is yerpa home?" he asked."No sir, he sure ain't," the boy replied. "He went to town."
"Well," said the farmer. "Is yer ma home?"
"No, she ain't here either. She went to town with Pa."
"Well, then, how about yer brother, Joe, is he here?"
"No sir, he went with Pa and Ma."
The farmer stood there for a few minutes, shifting from onefoot to the other, and mumbling to himself.
"Is there anything I kin do fer ya'?" inquired the young boy politely. "I know whereall the tools are, if you want to borry one; Or maybe I could take a message ferPa."
Well," said the farmer uncomfortably, "I really wanted to talk to yer Pa. It's aboutyour brother Joe getting my daughter, Pearly Mae, pregnant."
The boy considered for a moment. "You would have to talk to Pa about that," he finallyconceded. "I know that Pa charges $500 for the bull and $250 for the boar hog, butI really don't know how much he gets for Joe."
I misspelled the menus at my r
I misspelled the menus at my restaurant. Perverts kept showing up asking ‘where's the can o'pees'?Tell Me Everything
Tell me everything you know...I have a few seconds to waste.Bowling ball humor...
I worry about the germs in the holes of bowling balls. Nobody cleans those holes. There are years of impacted pizza fingers in there. Taco fingers. Chicken fingers. I'm amazed those balls still have holes. Ever smell a bowling ball hole? You think the balls are knocking down the pins? You're wrong. The pins are passing out from the smell.
-- Carolyn May
Anime films
Anime films are universally Japanned by critics.Good on ya mate
A Kiwi guy decides to travel around the Greek Islands.He walks into a bar and Jill (the Kiwi Barmaid) takes his order, a Speights, and notices his accent.
Over the course of the night they get to know each other.
At the end of Jill's shift he asks her if she wants to come back to his place and have sex with him.
Although she is attracted to him she says no.
He then offers to pay her $200 for sex.
Jill is travelling the world and because she is short of funds she agrees.
The next night the guy turns up again, orders a Speights and after showing her plenty of attention throughout the night he asks if she will sleep with him again for $200.
Jill remembers the night before and is only too happy to agree.
This goes on for 5 nights.
On the 6th night the guy comes in, orders a Speights and sits in the corner.
Jill thinks that if she pays him more some attention then maybe she can then shake some more cash out of him again, so she goes over and sits next to him.
She asks him where he's from in New Zealand and he tells her: "Nelson".
"So am I... What suburb in Nelson?"
"Wakatu" he replies.
"That's amazing..." she says, "So am I - what Street?"
"Leach Place" he replies.
"This is unbelievable..." she says,"What number?"
He says "Number 7" and she is totally astonished.
"You are not going to believe this but I'm from Number 9! My parents still live there!"
"I know..." he says, "Your Father gave me $1,000 to give to you"
HE WHO DRINKS KIWI THINKS KIWI!
Good on ya mate
A teenager comes home from sch...
A teenager comes home from school with a writing assignment. He asks his father for help. "Dad, can you tell me the difference between potential and reality?"His father looks up, thoughtfully, and then says, "I'll display it to you. Go ask your mother if she would sleep with Robert Redford for a million dollars. Then go ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Then come back and tell me what you've learned."
The kid is puzzled, but he decides to see if he can figure out what his father means. He asks his mother, "Mom, if someone gave you a million dollars, would you sleep with Robert Redford?" His mother looks around slyly, and then with a little smile on her face says, Don't tell your father, but, yes, I would.
Then he goes to his sisters room and asks her, "Sis, if someone gave you a million dollars, would you sleep with Brad Pitt?" His sister looks up and says, "Omigod! Definitely!"
The kid goes back to his father and says, "Dad, I think I've figured it out. Potentially, we are sitting on two million bucks, but in reality, we are living with a couple of whores."
