Popular jokes (25651 to 25665)Jokes sorted by popularity on social networks. Popularity is sum of all all comments, likes, pluses, tweets, etc. is new measure, independant from rating with our star rating system. |
A fellow bought a new Mercedes...
A fellow bought a new Mercedes and was out on the interstate for a nice evening drive. The top was down, the breeze was blowing through what was left of his hair and he decided to open her up. As the needle jumped up to 80 mph, he suddenly saw flashing red and blue lights behind him. "There's no way they can catch a Mercedes," he thought to himself and opened her up further. The needle hit 90, 100.... Then the reality of the situation hit him. "What am I doing?" he thought and pulled over. The cop came up to him, took his license without a word and examined it and the car. "It's been a long day, this is the end of my shift and it's Friday the 13th. I don't feel like more paperwork, so if you can give me an excuse for your driving that I haven't heard before, you can go."The guy thinks for a second and says, "Last week my wife ran off with a cop. I was afraid you were trying to give her back!"
"Have a nice weekend," said the officer.
Tied In An Election
The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny.
January 12, 1993
Richard Kyle won his Arizona House seat in November more easily than he had won the Republican primary in September. He and his primary opponent, John Gaylord, had tied and had agreed to settle things with one hand of five-card stud dealt by the speaker of the Arizona House.
Kyle's pair of sevens put him into the general election.
Log Negative One Zero
Theorem: log(-1) = 0
Proof:
a. log[(-1)^2] = 2 * log(-1)
On the other hand:
b. log[(-1)^2] = log(1) = 0
Combining a) and b) gives:
2* log(-1) = 0
Divide both sides by 2:
log(-1) = 0
Little Johnny wanted to have a...
Little Johnny wanted to have a birthday present for his grandpa. He went to a store and saw something he never knew of. He bought it any way because there was a note written on top of it saying: "TO THAT PERSON YOU LOVE".He had it all wrapped up with colorful wrapper and brought his gift to his grandpa. His grandpa fell off the ground laughing because little Johnny brought him a bra...
Q: Why don't cannibals eat clo...
Q: Why don't cannibals eat clowns?A: Because they taste funny
A man owned a small ranch in T
A man owned a small ranch in Texas. The Texas Wage & Hour Dept. claimed he was not paying proper wages to his help and sent an agent out to interview him."I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them," demanded the agent."
"Well," replied the rancher, "There's my ranch hand who's been with me for 3 years. I pay him $600 a week plus free room and board."
"The cook has been here for 18 months, and I pay her $500 per week plus free room and board."
"Then there's the half-wit who works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of all the work around here. He makes about $10 per week, pays his own room and board and I buy him a bottle of bourbon every Saturday night."
"That's the guy I want to talk to, the half-wit," says the agent.
"That would be me," replied the rancher.
A blonde and a brunette are li...
A blonde and a brunette are living together. The brunette came home from work one day and the blonde had a rope around her waist.The brunette asked why the rope was around her waist. The blonde said that she was trying to commit suicide.
The brunette said, "You put it around your neck!"
The blonde replied, "I tried that but I couldn't breathe!"
NED: I met a woman with water-...
NED: I met a woman with water-based breast implants!ED: Really?
NED: It was nice to make her aqua-in-tits!
“Eager for some barga
“Eager for some bargains, she was itching to get to the flea market.”
Good jokes-Painless
'He's a fake!' Gemima told her friends. 'He's not painless at all. When he stuck his finger in my mouth I bit him - and he screamed like anyone else.'
Knock Knock Collection 174
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Teresa!
Teresa who?
Teresa green!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Tex!
Tex who?
Tex two to tango!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Texas!
Texas who?
Texas are getting higher every year!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Thaddeus!
Thaddeus who?
To be or not to be, thaddeus the question!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Thatcher!
Thatcher who?
Thatcher could get away with it!
Groom's Day
A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding.“But, Officer,” the man protested, “I can explain.”“Be quiet,” ordered the officer. “You can sit in jail until the chief gets back.”“But, sir, I just wanted to say—““I told you to stay quiet! You’re going to jail!”A couple of hours later the officer checked in on the man and said, “You��re lucky that the chief is at his daughter’s wedding. He’ll be in a great mood when he gets back.”“I doubt that,” answered the prisoner. “I’m the groom.”From "Moses' Favorite Travel Jokes," published by Barbour Publishing, Inc., Uhrichsville, Ohio. Copyright 2009. Used by permission of Barbour Publishing, Inc.Off to Vegas
A man came home from work one day to find his wife sitting on the front porch with her bags packed. He asked her where she was going and she replied "I'm going to Las Vegas."
He questioned her as to why she was going and she told him "I just found out that I can make $400.00 a night doing what I give you for free". He pondered that then went into the house and packed his bags and returned to the porch and with his wife. She said "And just where do you think you're going?"
"I'm going too!" he replied.
"Why?" She asked.
"I want to see how you are going to live on $800.00 a year"!
A college student challenged a...
A college student challenged a senior citizen, saying it was impossible for their generation to understand his.�You grew up in a different world,� the student said. �Today we have television, jet planes, space travel, nuclear energy, computers��
Taking advantage of a pause in the student�s litany, the geezer said, �You�re right. We didn�t have those things when we were young; so we invented them!"
Skinny Dippers
Ron, an elderly man in Australia, had owned a large farm for several years. He had a large pond at the back.
It was properly shaped for swimming, so he fixed it up nice with picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some orange and lime trees.
One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while, and look it over.
He grabbed a five-gallon bucket to bring back some fruit. As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee.
As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond. He made the women aware of his presence, and they all went to the deep end.
One of the women shouted to him, "We're not coming out until you leave!"
Ron frowned, "I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond naked."
Holding the bucket up Ron said, "I'm here to feed the alligator."
