Popular jokes (26041 to 26055)

“When the statistics ...

“When the statistics professor and the math professor wrote a cookbook together, they called it 'Pi A La Mode.'”

Judge: Haven’t I seen you befo...

Judge: Haven’t I seen you before?
Man: Yes, Your Honor. I taught your daughter how to play the drums.
Judge: Twenty years!

“We ran out of lettuc

“We ran out of lettuce today. My sister said there was none romaining.”

Bumper sticker: "Learn from yo...

Bumper sticker: "Learn from your parent's mistakes -- use birth control."

Larry, a computer programmer f...

Larry, a computer programmer for a consulting group, had designed some software for a large account. He asked John's help in putting it into operation.

At first, Larry handled most of the work. Eventually, though, he asked John to help with the last phase of the training.

When John sat down with one woman and told her he would be showing her how to make changes to the files, she sighed with relief.

"I'm so glad you're teaching me instead of him," she said.

Surprised, John said that his colleague was far more experienced than he was.

"Yes," she said. "But I feel much more comfortable with you. I get nervous around really smart people."

Business one-liners 15

As the economy gets better, everything else gets worse.

As they say in Beirut, Shiite happens.

Asking dumb questions is easier than correcting dumb mistakes.

Assumption is the mother of all foul-ups.

At any level of traffic, any delay is intolerable.

Automatic simply means that you can't repair it yourself.

Bad news drives good news out of the media.

Bare feet magnetize sharp metal objects so they always point upward from the floor.

Batman is the hero any of us could be, given determination, exercise, and deep psychological trauma. - Chris Jarocha-Ernst

Be content with what you've got, but be sure you've got plenty.

“The sledder who got ...

“The sledder who got injured realized that his wounds were more than he tobogganed for.”

You Don't Believe All That Stuff, Do You?

The lady replied, "Of course I do. It's the Bible." He said, "Well, what about that guy that was swallowed by that whale?"She replied, "Oh, Jonah. Yes, I believe that. It's in the Bible." He asked, "Well, how do you suppose he survived all that time inside the whale?" The lady said, "Well, I don't really know. I guess when I get to heaven, I will ask him." "What if he isn't in heaven?" the man asked sarcastically. "Then you can ask him." replied the lady.

Funny jokes-Laws of Education

Don't LOOK at anything in a physics lab.
Don't TASTE anything in a chemistry lab.
Don't SMELL anything in a biology lab.
Don't TOUCH anything in a medical lab.
and, most importantly,
Don't LISTEN to anything in a philosophy department.

Evaluating Employees

RE: Quotes Taken from actual performance evaluations:
"Since my last report, this employee has reached rock bottom and has started to dig."
"His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of morbid curiosity."
"I would not allow this employee to breed."
"This associate is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a definitely won't be."
"Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap."
"When she opens her mouth, it seems that this is only to change whichever foot was previously in there."
"He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle."
"This young lady has delusions of adequacy."
"He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them."
"This employee should go far - and the sooner he starts, the better."
"This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot."

“There is a haunted A

“There is a haunted AC unit at my work. It's been giving everyone the chills!”

Economy jokes-DOW average

Bird populations are never sta

Bird populations are never stable; they're always in flocks.

Justice prevailed

A junior partner in a law firm was sent to a far away country to represent a long-term client accused of robbery.

After days of trial, the case was won, the client acquitted and released.

Excited about his success, the attorney e-mailed the firm: “Justice prevailed.”

The senior partner replied in haste, “Appeal immediately!"

"How's the mouth? asked the de...

"How's the mouth? asked the dentist, when Mr McDonald came for his check up.