Popular jokes (26026 to 26040)

Yo momma so ugly when she look...

Yo momma so ugly when she looked in the mirror it cracked!

These bear hunters were sittin...

These bear hunters were sitting around the cabin the night before the hunt bragging about their passt hunts.
The cabin boy was listening and went over and said "you guys make it seem pretty hard on capturing a bear".
They all laughed and said "it is hard; do you think you could bag one"?
"I can go out and bag you 2 if you will skin them, and I will bet each of you $100.00.
They agreed and off he went out into the night.
Soon he spotted a big grizzly; he waved his arm and started hollering the big bear started after him and he started running for the shack. When he got close to the shack he started yelling. "Open the door he yelled".
They looked out and saw the bear chasing the boy. Just as he got to the door they opened it and he stepped aside and the bear went in. He slammed the door and locked it and shouted. "OK skin him I'll go and get the other one".

Mrs. Hunter was called to serv

Mrs. Hunter was called to serve for jury duty, but asked to be excused because she didn't believe in capital punishment and didn't want her personal thoughts to prevent the trial from running its proper course. But the public defender liked her thoughtfulness and quiet calm, and tried to convince her that she was appropriate to serve on the jury.
"Madam," he explained, "this is not a murder trial! It's a simple civil lawsuit. A wife is bringing this case against her husband because he gambled away the $12,000 he had promised to use to remodel the kitchen for her birthday."
"Well, okay," agreed Mrs. Hunter, "I'll serve. I guess I could be wrong about capital punishment after all."

“Why should you never

“Why should you never throw away an old dolphin? Because they can easily be re-porpoised!”

“I tried my first sof...

“I tried my first soft drink. It was sodalicious!”

The Book

Lunching with a friend in a fast-food restaurant, I was telling her about a teenager who had rear-ended my car. The teen blamed me for the accident.

“She even called me every dirty name in the book!” I said.

Just then I looked over to the next table where two nine-year-old boys had apparently been paying close attention to my story.

One said to the other, “There's a book?”

A man was in his front yard mo...

A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his beautiful, blond, female neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox.

She opened it, looked inside, slammed it shut, and stormed back into her house.

A little later she came out of her house again, went to the mailbox, again opened it, and slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went.

As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, here she came again. She marched to the mailbox, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.

Puzzled by her actions, the man asked her, "Is something wrong?"

To which she replied, "There certainly is! My stupid computer keeps telling me I've got mail!"

Still in the crate

A guy was playing golf, a golf ball hit him in the balls and he passed out. His friends took him to the doctor.

The man asked him, "Well, what do you think, doc?"

The doctor replied," We're going to have to put in a support for about a week." He then takes four tongue depressors and ties them all together with string.

The man's face looked disappointed, he told the doctor "But tonight's me and my wife's honeymoon."

The doctor replied, "Your going to have to bear with it."

Later that night, the man and his wife were in bed. She took off her shirt and grabs her breasts, "No one has ever seen these before."

The man pulls out his wang and says, "Well mines still in the crate!"

High Medical Cost

As I was admitted the hospital for a procedure, the clerk asked for my wrist, saying " I'm going to give you a bracelet. "
" Has it got Rubies and Diamonds ? " I ask coyly.
" No, " he said. " But it cost just as much. "

People who line up for dessert...

People who line up for dessert have a squeued scents of pie orderies.

Perfume brands

 College Writing

A visitor to a certain college paused to admire the new Hemingway Hall that had been built on campus.
"It's a pleasure to see a building named for Ernest Hemingway," he said.
"Actually," said his guide, "it's named for Joshua Hemingway. No relation."
The visitor was astonished. "Was Joshua Hemingway a writer, also?"
"Yes, indeed," said his guide. "He wrote a check."

Alaska Crazy Law

Alaska's More Important Laws
In Fairbanks it is considered an offense to feed alcoholic beverages to a moose.
While it is legal to shoot bears, waking a sleeping bear for the purpose of taking a photograph is prohibited.
It is considered an offense to push a live moose out of a moving airplane.
It is the state policy that emergencies are held to a minimum and are rarely found to exist.-Sec. 44.62.270. State policy.
Moose may not be viewed from an airplane.

New Chemical Warfare

An instructor in chemical warfare asked soldiers in his class: "Anyone knows the formula for water?"
"Sure. That's easy," said one man.
"What is it?"
"H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O."
"What, what?" reasked the instructor.
"H to O," explained the chemistry expert.

Glad Wrap at the therapists

A man walks into a therapist's with just Glad wrap around his waist;

Therapist says, "I can clearly see you're nuts"

... Dad's joke.